1 July (all in me love all in you)

Baba im writing this around 6.15am. I was thinking of you a lot. Baba how much did I love you? Haven't you felt it? Or was I wrong to love you? How come I stop my feelings toward you? You are an angel to me. I fell in love at onece. You loved me a lot. I felt that. I never intended to hurt you and make you suffered baba. I just wanted to love you. I did love. Still im loving you. I dont want to say im right. I writing this remembering all our memories. Still remember your smile and the sweetness. I will never ever stop loving you. I will suffer for my bad deeds. I will suffer for hurting my little angel. Please keep in mind whole day I was thinking about you. I never tried to forget you Baba. Instead I was trying to remember everything about you. I miss you a lot. Take care sweetheart.

29th June 2019

Good morning Baba. Remember that sweet memory which you have given to me? Remember how you wrote a goodmorning message around 5am? That message made my day. Im writing this around 6.35am. I got up as usual around 5pm. That exact mobile alarm rings even today around 5am. I didnt change it Baba. I know, you will blame me. You will ask whats the meaning of keeping an alarm? Well the meaning is you. You and all your memories. I dont have many things to live, definitely your memory and you are few of them. Someday you will totally forget me Baba. I will try to remain in a corner of your heart. I will not be able to function without you. You will live inside me. I will do the same. And I miss you so much Baba. I love you too.

28 June 2nd Post

I think you have forgotten everything. May be every promise too. Im in pain. I have no other ways to cooperate with the pain. Im missing you so bad. Writing this short post because you are in pain too. I feel so. I feel you always. I felt the way im being forgotten. I moss you. 

28 June 2019 (6.44am)

This silence is terrible Baba. I will hide my pain in the silence. I have thousands of words to talk with you. I have million of phrases to talk with you. There is one thing I cannot do sweetheart, I cant break your heart again. Im broken too. You are the only thing I love this much. Please Remember you will be loved forever. I have no words to explain the pain which I am in. I definitely know you went through the same path because of me. I never intended to hurt you baba. Im too messed up. Im to broken to be loved. Im to miserable to be loved. Im so crappy. I know. I dont think I can take this always and everyday. I think for me there should be an end. Someday live happy Baba. Live good. If you have a place in mind keep a small memory about me. Please recall that im waiting for you. Im searching for you. You are my angel. You everything. I miss you. 

27 June 2019

Im a little late today to write. Because the day went horrible. Worst night duty I ever had. But I didnt forget you Baba. Baba Im already forgotten isnt it? I know. Im not blaming you for that. Im the wrong person. I hurt you. I cried last night. I dont know why. I remember you a lot. I have to say this daily for the rest of my little life. Remember someday my last breath also sang your name. I will wait abd search for you Baba. Im a terrible person. I will be a good one and find you. Please try to keep some love for me. Keep a place for me. Keep me in your mind. For now Im forgotten I know. I miss you sweetheart. I love you too. Please take care. 

26th June 2nd post

Hope you are on your way home Baba. Baba how come I reduce my pain? I know there is no way. When I think I feel why the pain should be reduced? I deserve this totally. Im the one who hurt you. Im the one who tortured you. I know Baba. Nothing in Support.
Within all those negative points I loved you and I will love you forever. That I have to say. I miss you Baba. 

Yesterday was a rough day. I think I was totally exhausted by the work load and the stress. I remembered you though. I will remember you forever Baba. You and I are two poor souls. We have been punished for being in love. Im in pain. I know Baba you are in pain too.  I miss you a lot. Im writing this in between my work. Im finishing a night round. I remember how we talked each other Baba. How desperately I was waiting to see your sweet good morning message? I mad I went if you were late to call me? Hope you have forgotten. I never wanted to see you in pain Baba. Because im a cruel devil. I felt your love Baba. I felt it a lot. I loved you and your love. I miss you so much. Please take care your self.

25th June 2nd post (lunch)

Writing this post because I miss you so much. You are coming out for lunch soon. I remember how you feed me with your hands. Im so thankful for your love. I lived within your love. I lived a lifetime in your love. Now I miss you like im mad. Baba remember how you fed me? Take care Baba. 

25 June 2019. (Walk)

Started to write this at 6.38am. You are taking a little walk to the bus stop. May be things have already changed and you are not. But my memories keep tracing down all our routine exactly. I think thats because I love you. I see you in my dreams. Thats the only place where I can see you. I remember how you walked toward me at that Colombo junction. That place where we met. I remember everything. Someday please if you remember me, please remember that I loved you a lot. I dont think I have a lot of time. Someday if you recall something about me remember I kept a lot of love for you Baba. (I know Im the worst lover. But I loved you. And I love you forever.) I never intended to hurt you sweetheart. I just wanted to love you. I miss you a lot. Please take care your self Baba. 

Evening message.

I think you are on your way home Baba. I remembered. I felt im being forgotten. I dont blame you sweetheart. I miss you. And Im in pain. I know Baba you are also going through the same pain. I miss you. Go safe baba. 

24th June 2nd post 2019 (9.00am)

9am Baba. Soon you are coming out for breakfast. I remembered in a sudden. Im in between my work. Remembered you and looked at the time. We were chatting at these times. I miss you a lot Baba. I wish I could hear you or see you. I will not bring tears to your eyes again. So im keeping my silence. Please stay safe Baba. 

24 June 2019 (choices)

Writing this around 6.30am. All the memories about you are filled in my heart and in my head. Your name is like a music playing in my head Baba. I remember everything. I miss you. I hope you are ready to leave for the work. Soon you will come to the road. I wish I could talk. I wish I could give a ride. My destiny isn't what I want. I miss you a lot sweetheart. I love you a lot too. Im not just keep telling a word. I know soon you will make choices which will be far important than me or my memories  (im already forgotten. I felt that Baba. Im not insulting. Im in pain). All your memories are with me sweety. I will keep them with me forever. My last breath will also be sung your name. I was in pain. I was heartbroken because of my way of loving. I was heartbroken because I hurt you. I was heartbroken because im cruel. I miss you so much baba. Please take care your self. 

23rd June 2019 (Sunday)

How are you sweetheart. I hope you are at home today. I wish I could come by and say hi. I know I dont have the right now. I just said Baba. Am I fully forgotten to you? Im just asking. Im not angry. Im not angry. I feel sad a lot. I never was angry with you. We had many issues but none of them could make me to hate you. I never had a hate. I was searching reasons to love. You will say all of these things are lies. I will not blame you for saying that. I have to admit that I have love. I have my love for you. Blame if you want. No-one can stop me loving you. Remember please Baba, you kept in my heart forever. You can make a joke if you like. Say something sarcastic. Its totally fine. As an answer I would like to admit that I love you forever. I will find you somehow sweetheart. I never intended to hurt you. I miss you. 

22nd 2nd post (because I love you)

Writing the second post because I miss you that much. And I love you that much too. Im a too messed up person in love. Im to messed up to being loved. Baba I will love you my own way(i know that was the worst way) i never intended to hurt you sweetheart. Im this much broken. My love was a mess also. I love you always. Please Remember someday. My last breath will also shout loudly your name. You are an Angel to me. I miss you. Please be safe.

22 June 2019 (Saturdays)

How are you sweetheart? I hope you are fine. Writing this around 6.30am. Probably you are at home today. Or may be you have other plans. I remember what saturdays meant to us. Baba i lived a lifetime with you. I still living inside you and all your sweetness. That time period is the most precious one in my life. It was so Devine to me. I remember how were were smiling, chatting and walking together. Baba remember the walks we had at watersedge? Those evenimgs are so beautiful. I will love you forever and for everything. Thanks for the love you gave to me. Having you beside me was the best feeling I've ever had. I wish you everything good Baba. Please Remember I loved you much. I still love you so much. Please be safe. I miss you.

21 june 2019 (love)

Again I got sick sweetheart. Im done with this. Im angry at me. Sorry I couldn't write. I miss you each and every minute. I remember your voice,fragrance and smile. Your beautiful eyes. I remember how you feed me. I remember your warmth. I wish I could have them back. Baba please remember i love you always. Someday even when I die you will be remembered. I will keep all your memories with me. I will live inside you. I hope your mother and father also fine. Please take care of them. I have to rest a lot Baba. Im having a fever again. I think I got this from a child. Please be safe love. 

20th June second post.

2nd post writing because I remember you that much. I think you are on your way. May be already you have gobe half way. Baba remember I took you home several times after work? I miss you sweetheart. I miss those moments. I miss the fragrance of your soft hair. I miss your beautiful voice. I miss your sharp eyes. Please take care your self. Writing with love. Tc

20th June 2019 (more than everything)

Sweetheart im writing this around 6.35am.  Person come to the mind when someone opening and closing his/her eyes decides the happiness or the sorrow of that person's life. I wish I could see you Baba. Now the exat time is 6.40am you are at the bus stop. I wish I could see you. You are a Gem to me. You are a greater meaning to me Baba. You are a part of me. I dont know you feel this or not. I think you have forgotten. Thats totally fine. You cant keep me in your mind forever. You suffered being honest to your love. I was a total disgrace. Whatever I loved you Baba. I will love you forever. we were chatting talking till 8.am. Remember how you were chatting with me Secretly in your office? I remember Baba. Your first gift to me lying on my table in front of me while im writing this letter. I know sweet I dont have a value now. Im not a valid person to you now. I will remain this side of the river bank forever. I will live with in you. I will live with your memories.
I miss you so much Baba. (Dont ever think that I forgot you. Im I'm just staying silent because of the promise I made not to disturb you ever. I promised not to hurt further. More than everything, I cant see you crying/sad. Love you)
Take care.

19th June 2019. (Living inside you)

I hope you are doing fine Baba. I was sick. Had a fever. I urge you to stay safe Baba. Especially after the rains. You will find im telling this repeatedly. You and I dont have a chance to get ill with the same disease for few times. I remember how I felt that day when you told me that you had Dengue. My heart ached. Im writing this arpund 6.20am Baba. Hope you are busy at home getting ready to leave. I wish if I could give a lift. Have a chat and drop you at your office. I have to admit my feelings Baba, im missing you a lot. This isn't so easy. Im not just telling these words. My heart knows how painful this is. Im seeing you in my dreams continuously. Im happy to see you so. At least I can see you in my dreams. I have been kicked out from your memories. I dont have a space in your heart I guess. Well those are my faults. Im trying to hide within you and live inside you. Please remember I lived in your heart. You motivated me to live. Remember how I had some chest pains? I took treatments. Now continuously and regularly im taking. I miss you Baba. 

18th June 2019

Sweetheart how are you? Im sick Baba. I got a fever. I think I got this from the workplace. I remember you in every minute. I miss you each and every minute. I love you. Sorry for the short message Baba. Im taking a nap. Love you.

16 june 2019 (Bus Stand)

You and I baba. Came to colombo today. Im lost in our memories. Few times my eyes got wet. I saw we were walking here holding hands together. I miss you sweetheart. I wish I could see you. Im sampling these endless memories. Your beutiful smiles. Breath of your hair. I wish I could at least hear your voice. I love you always Baba. I always will. Im at the arcade bus stand where we said good bye each other. Where I accompanied you in every saturday. I was looking at you and the bus you are going on for a long time. Then im started to walk to catch my bus. Baba we have a history. These places and this wind will be singing our sad love story. It was all me. Because im so cruel. I miss you Baba. 

15th June (Headaches.)

Sweetheart im somewhat sick. I hope you are fine my dear. I came home. Im having an endless headache. I dont know why. I wish I could see you Baba. I remember how I had headaches that time when we were doing late night chats. I miss you Baba. Too hard to see the screen. May be migraine. I miss you.

14th June 2019. (Forgotten things)

6.38am. I wish I could hear your voice. May be im not that lucky.(definitely person like me doesn't deserve to be that lucky.) I hope you are fine Baba. I wish your good being. I always think about you. Difficult to live in pain than ding dying in pain. I know Baba, and I felt how you went through all these steps after I left you. You loved me. I know that sweetheart. I was that lucky to being loved by an angel. Sadly I was the unkind devil. I hurt you all the possible ways. Dont think I never had love though. I loved you like the love was a madness. I loved like I was mad. I couldn't live without loving you. A moment without your voice made me mad. I still love you sweetheart. I miss you a lot. Time is passing. I felt everything. I felt your love too. Now I feel like im being forgotten. I never blame you Baba. I miss you. Please be safe. 

13th June 2nd post

Remembered you Baba. Just about to sleep. I remembered our chats. Thought to write a small note. We went to bed around 12pm to 1pm. I miss you Baba. Im so sleepy. I feel sad too. I wish to see you in my dreams. Take care sweetheart 

13th June 2019 (im in Pain)

You might think Im a joke Baba. Sometimes you seemed to show me so. Sometimes you were so ignorant I was sad. Anyway I always came up with a new way to love you. I loved you then. I love you now also. I remember how you feed me always when we were travelling here and there. My eyes getting wet. Im being fogotten. I know you moved on. Im not asking to remain where were you. Just I dont like this feeling. I know how you went through the pain. Baba you think the one you loved never felt your pain? I was breaking in to pieces each and every minute. Even now im feeling the same. Baba you might think I had no love. You think im an advantage based person. No Baba. I never was. Only I love you so much. You will say all of my words are nonsense. But you and all your memories are the reasons for living for me. I have no words to express my pain Baba. Thank god If you could reduce your pain somehow. I have to go through this. Im not frustrated but I know I have to take all this pain. I miss you sweetheart. 

12th June 2019 (messed up soul)

6.43am. I never forget you Baba. You are forcing me to forget. Trust me, I will not. I never loved this way. I never felt love this way. I wish everything good baba. I never had intentions to hurt you. On the other hand do I need permission to love you Baba? I dont know. I just wanted you to remember someday that I loved you also a lot. And that day keep in mind that i didnt stop loving you. I didnt over you. I didnt gave up love. I kept it Devine. Im a too messed up to make things correct. Or im too messed up to make things better. But a messed up soul also can love. I think even devils like me can love. Our love will not be written in poems. A cruel person's love will not be written in novals. Whole world will forget it. May be you also. But love O had with you will fill up my last breath also. My last breath will also carry your name Baba. I just dont want to keep silent so im writing here. I just wanted you to know I loved you always. I will love forever Baba. 

11th June 2019. (No one can fool the heart)

Started to write this around 6.40 am. In time when you get on to the bus. I dont know how do you go to work now. Some time ago this was the routine. I miss that time. I miss those chats. I miss those moments. Moreover I miss you.  I cannot know. But you may already forgotten me. I know Baba you, have found a reason to change all the routines. I will not blame. You have the right. I will keep my silence. But no-one can stop me loving. And I will keep my feelings,affections and thoughts for you forever within me (silently). My heart sings a song, music and the lyrics belongs to you. I remember the famous saying "people can fool a eyes but noone can fool the heart". This is so true for me. My heart lives within you. So im living within you sweetheart. I dont have to repeat daily but missing you will be the hardest thing have to go through. (It is painful when I remember im the one who kicked and hurt my love). Im cruel, I was a fool. Please be safe Baba. I moss you. 

10th June 2nd post. (Trees)

Time around 9.30 pm Baba. I was poured water to the planet which I was planted on your birthday 2018. I have one planted on 2019 also. All are precious to me. I wish at least those trees remember me someday. Let they sing my story. Story of my love to you. Story of a devil's love. I miss you Baba. Good night. 

10th June. (Monday morning)

I hope you are fine Baba. Writing this morning too. These are the mornings when we had long discussions. Because im coming back from colombo and you are coming out from the home. You were on your way to work. I was talking to you while I was driving. Around 5.am you sent a good morning message. Your early morning call. You are the first person to call me "Baba". I never felt that sweetness before. I loved you and I will love. I will keep my gratitude for that love you offered me. Only I was this mad and this unlucky to secure that love forever. May be you have forgotten me (I know you have to reduce your pain Baba. Thats why you did so. Im not angry). I will never forget you Baba. I will not stop loving you. I miss you a lot. Your name keeps singing in my heart and head. Please take care sweetheart. 

9th June 2nd Post (good deeds)

I did something good for this community Baba. I participated a program to help people. Ibwas a resource person. While sitting there I remembered your words. When I just about to come here you told me "baba you are going there to help people. Dont be upset/Baba oya yanne minissunta udaw karanna". I still remember your words like it was yesterday Baba. I did all these good things by your name. I miss you Baba. I wish you long life. 

9th June 2019. (A walk to remember)

Remembered you again this morning Baba. I saw you yesterday night. Baba you were holding my hand and taking to me somewhere. You were wearing a beautiful red color frock. You were beautiful. First we were sad. Then we started to walk together. I felt like something good going to happen. We talked then you took my hand and we began to walk again. At least I could meet you This way. (Im living in you Baba.). We were talking but I cannot remember what were talking. Your memory and your love is a diamond inside my heart. My good wishes are with you. My love also with you. I think my happiness also with you. Im a cruel person Baba. Dont I have a right to love you? I love you. Always. I miss you Baba. Its a sunday. Sundays we were chatting a lot. Some times we were calling Each other. Your mom was at home usually in sundays. Be safe Baba. I will live inside you. Tale care

8th June 2nd post

I miss you Baba. Writing to you for the second time. I remembered you a lot. Baba Im fogotten isn't it so? Im forgotten baba? Im not angry sweetheart. Im in excruciating pain. Its okay sweetheart I deserve this. I asked this I guess. Moreover Im the one to hurt you first. Anyway remember I remembered you a lot. Im a jerk. Im not the usual cruel person Baba. If I was, I will not feel this pain. I love you. Tc

8th of June 2019 (Saturday walks)

Im not sure will you be able to see all these Baba. Yet Im writing because at least I want this silent page to remember us. I want someone to remember us and know our painful story. The story which I lived a lifetime. That story I will not tell anyone. That love I expressed to you will be written here. I would be thankful forever for loving me. I will keep my love for you forever Baba. I think soon you have to abandon all our memories for sake of your future. I will not oppose Baba. Forget me. I will love you forever. I will remain here in my crappier story of love, heartbroken. I think I deserve to be heartbroken. I think this is a good punishment for me. People suffer mentally than physically. Sure Im suffering more than that. This is a hell. I met an angel like you and tortured you and your love. Finally I became a disrespect to the love. (I guess so). Its my turn now to suffer. Then here I go.  Take care Baba. 

7th June (I see my self as a bad/worst lover)

How are you sweetheart? Writing to you thos morning also, knowing that you have forgotten me. This year or probably fall of the next year you will go through few lifetime milestones. I will stay silent Baba.y heart sceems love. I have no other option Baba. I will stay silent. I will keep my love  too. Forget me. Its okay. I will suffer enough and pay my deabts. I will pay my fate and leave. Im so sorry for hurting you Baba. I had no intentions to hurt you. I fell in love. I still love you. I will find you someday, come in to your life and never leave you again. I think im the crapiest person on the planet at the moment. I dont want to stay. Some day If you think/remember about me please try to understand, that I kept love. We were this unlucky to get separated. I was that crappier to leave you in pain. Please stay safe. I miss you Baba. With love. 

6th of June (D Day)

Starting to write this at 6.40am Baba. Where are you? At the bus stop? I wish If I could see you Baba.(please dont worry I wont disturb you. I will not come in front of you. I know I dont possess those rights. I dont want to hurt you further. I dont like to see you suffer) What I alsways liked see was your smile. Your lucky smile made my day. Your lucky voice made me a new person everyday. Im so grateful fpr giving me that love (I was a disgrace for that love). I never wanted to hurt you sweetheart. Only thing I tried to do was love  (I still love you). I made many fights because I love you. I went mad when I couldn't hear or see you. I went mad when I felt your pain. (I still feel your pain. Sure im mad). I felt so upset when you were ill. I felt those things because I loved you Baba. I still love you. I have to say I will love you forever. 

5th of June (dreams)

A holiday today. May be you aren't going to work. Or may be you are going. Your Office calendar was always a surprising one. If this a holiday, you might go for a walk. Im not in a jealousy Baba.(I do feel sad, because thpse hands were holding my fingers.) I hope you are fine sweetheart. Wherever you go please be conscious to avoid crowds. Avoid problems Baba. I miss you a lot. I know you dont care/you dont give a damn about what Im thinking. I wish I could hear you and see you. Baba you were in my dreams last night.(usually im so bad in remembering dreams. Yesterday im so sure you were talking with me.) Yes you will say that im mad. May be even say that you dont know me. Please remember every beat of my heart Sung your name till the last beat. Im a forgotten old story may be. I dont have rights. I wish you everything good sweetheart. Take care. 

4th Of June (walks)

I think you are on your way to work. Writing this confused and stressed mind. I dont know whats happening in the country because of these extremists. What I want is your safety Baba. I dont know how chaotic will be the coming next few months. I wish you have some concerns and prior knowledge about this. I wish your safety and your family's safety. I remember you always. Each day my mind make sure to invite you in to my dreams. At least I could see you there. Though I cannot hear you. Im thankful to my memory so much. My memory preserves your memories very well I guess. I remember those walks in Rajagiriya in the evenings. Sky was pink and the water surrounded the path was dark. Environment was refreshing and you were holding my hands. I was thinking about love and life. Smiles we had together. I miss everything Baba. I never forget a single memory. I miss you. Only I know that Im forever heartbroken. Tale care sweetheart. Please be safe. Please. 

3rd of June (Memories)

Im writing this arpind 7.00am Baba. How are you sweetheart? Baba are you forcing me to forget you? How come I forget you? Baba you see nothing good in me? Baba you saw nothing to appreciate in me? Baba you never felt love in my heart? I dont know sweetheart how to respond and how to answer. I have no words. What only happen is my eyes getting wet sometimes. You are the force which keeps me running/functioning. I remember your words Baba. I remember your voice. I remember your fragrance. Everything in my mind Baba. I miss you so much. Im not just telling these things. I know all my faults. All the faults are in my hands. I have no escape (I never wanted to runaway from faults. I will suffer till the end.) I will keep my love too Baba. Please remember someday that my last breath sang your Name. Last vision in my head and eyes were yours. Your memory will be kept with me with all the love. I cannot forget you. I never wanted to forget you. Im a messed up soul. All my actions were erroneous. I will be a good one someday. Take care Baba. 

Another morning (2nd of June)

Hello sweetheart. Whats new? Writing this exactly at 6.40am. Today you are at home I guess. Some say the one come to the mind when a person open and close his eyes is the reason of happiness and sorrow of that particular person. I just said. I remember you more than that. Make a joke, blame or insult when I say so. Its okay. I need to take this. I left your love like I was an insensitive person (only I know what kind of sorrow behing the walls of my heart that December). Finally I hurt you the most. Ypu decided to forget me. I think you already did so. I have to say Im not angry. All I want you to know is I spent my life loving you. Definitely I accept im a moron. Kicked the love out and suffered till the end. I will be a better person Baba. Someday I will come toward you. Someday. I think I deserve tp suffer this little life. I wish and hope you are fine Baba. I wish I could see those eyes one more. Anyway take care. I miss you. 

Missing you. 1st of June

I hope you are fine. I think you are at home today. Or may he having a walk(I know things Baba. You think I didnt feel that? I felt everything. Every step every move. I think it os because Im always thinking about you. I never hate for that Baba. I never felt angry. Im in excruciating pain. Well I deserve this. I have to pay the fate. Thats the rule.) Think what if I come ro colombo and hold your hand and went for a walk. I remember the beautiful walks we took at independence square. May be you are walking closer to them. I haven't visited the place for a long time. I will break in to tears If I go there. I would cry not because im weak. I woukd cry remembering the pain I gave to you. Sure I will remember the beautiful evenings. I will remember that hardest moment which I had to sau good bye and let you go. I was waiting there at the bus stop for few minutes each and every time, because it was too hard. Call me "fake". Thats your definition. I agree whole world call me fake and a jerk. Okay Baba I will be a better person someday. I will love even more. I love untill I cant leave you even for a minute. I will miss you forever sweetheart.