February 1st

Writing this around 1.30pm. You are coming out for tea around 3.30pm. Remembered we were both restless till that call. Today a friday. Remember how fast was I driving to see you. Please understand someday if you could read all these, that I was in a great pain and disappointment too. But I promise I wont violate your rights, privacy or freedom. I will promise you that I would search you through the universe Baba. I clearly know that I messed up every possible way. On the other hand I have to admit that I loved you too. And I will always. Im sure you have forgotten most of this. For that I will never blame you. You have the right to forget me.  I don't want to forget you. I want you to live in me. So each and every memory will be with me. Its February 1st Baba. I hope you are fine. Remember the incidents this month? We met. We chat. Many beautiful things. Please take care. 

Tonight.

Writing this tonight. Im also in pain baba. Im not in comfort too. But I jever wanted to drag you through a hard time. I want to love, i did love and I will. I never had hard or harsh feeling for you. I blames you like im mad because I loved you. Please dont take them offensive though they were offensive that time. Even now when I remember those things my yeart aches. I think you will have a better future. I never asked for selfish promises Baba. If you remember someday please keep our promises. I will never disturb you. I never hurt you again. Some other time somewhere where and when I dont know, but I will find you. Punish me maximum possible that time. I never hated you Baba. I tried to see lots ans lots of smiles in your face. Im sorry I made you cry finally. Please take care. Someday if you see my posts (im not sure this. You incidentally found my blog. Sometimes you may find it or see it again) please go through them without a rush. I wrote them for you. All your memories are with me. Those are valuable to me. Pls take care. Will write again. 

6.42am

Writing this in the morning. And im sure you are just about to get in to the staff service shuttle. I remembered you. Remembered those times. Those times when we had a strange and most active timetable. Remembered how you wrote to me "good morning" around 4am? I hope you are doing fine Baba. After all its the best times may be. Because this time ypu have better reasons to forget me. Tale care your self Baba. If im the devil you met would I feel this bad? I never called you back because I dont want to see those beautiful eyes crying. I dont wanted to see you in pain. And definitely i dont have a right too. Will write again.

7.58pm (Anti clock wise memories)

Remember the time when your mamma comes home after work. We were chatting and that when you are going to chat mood. I remembered you again. And i couldn't stop or I cant help writing this. Anyway keeping your memories aren't difficult to me. I want them to live beside me forever. What terrifies me is the fact my memory. My memory seems to be a bad one. Anyway it is quite well functioning when keeping your memories. Thats a relief. Anyway Baba writing this to you in a time when you are helping your mom at kitchen. Probably she is forcing you to eat something. I remembered you are travel by a street food store where you buy some snacks (roles and pastries) I remember that bus ride you are taking from Kohuwala to home. Like yesterday I remember. once after a ride I came to drop you. You were after your work. I was looking at you from afar. You didnt saw me first. You were looking at some plants in a plant nursery. Only I know the pain, hope, promises, sadness and the disappointment which was in my mind that time. I just wanted to love you Baba. And I will forever. I will find you somehow. Im not angry with you. How come be angry withyou. Take care. 

Time is running.

Time is passing and I know many things will be changed. I know you did those changes not to hurt me but to proceed. Im the one who is wrong Baba. Im the one who started all of this. And im the one who is heartless. Im the one who notoriously went away. Im the one who gave the tears to you. Im the one who made you sad (you once said you were happy before). Im wrong. But i never intended to hurt you Baba. Make me suffer. Make me cry. Pull the crap out from me. I wont be angry with you. Never. All the mistakes in my hands. Means Baba Shouldn'tI love you? I dont know. I know that I loved and I will forever. This year many things will be changed I guess. Im not angry. Now its my turn to take all the pains. But dont think that I wasnt in pain. I was and I am. And definitely i will be. You have better reason to forget me. Im not angry. I wish you all the good thungs Baba. I did try to give you the best things. I never wanted to see you crying. I never wanted to see you in pain. I messed up. But im also a person who tried to give you a smile. This is the year you were waiting. I hope you forgot all the little promises we made. Thats fine. I dont want to live in a place where you doesn't exist. So keep your last possible promise at least. Take care Baba. Will write again.

Remembrance

We met at the exact same place year ago. You were wearing a beautiful dress. And it was a night. I came at midnight. And took you home. Those times will not return i guess. I remember you a lot Baba. Im in pain. Running through this pain isnt easy too. I know you took a big pain. Im in our memories here at this place. Waled through the same little avenue where i met you that night. I miss you Baba. Im at the exact place. And the exact hall where you had your party. I miss you. Take care. Will write again. 

Im here alone. Where we met for the first time at a night. You were just after a party. Same point. Im breaking in to pieces within in pain. Many memories. View blurred.