20th of December. One December.

 20th December. A sad day sweetheart. I had no intentions of hurting you. Still, I think of you most of the time. I feel terrible about the way you got hurt for loving me. I still love you as the first day. Or even more. I know that you moved on. We have our memories. I have our memories in my mind. I will live inside those memories till the end. I know that you are happy. That's good. I don't demand you to recall all the bad memories about me and the way I hurt you. Am I totally forgotten? I'm no good. I know that. Didn't I have good qualities, Baba? I feel how terrible I was. Anyway, time has passed. I'm writing because I still remember you (I don't want to forget you) . I'm writing because I will never forget you. I feel like I'm still living somewhere in your memories (I know those memories are dark). I still believe that we belong to each other. Yea, you will say "Nonsense!".  Maybe not this time. I don't know what's happening, Baba. I know that I loved you. And I still do. Also, I messed up things. I hope you are fine. I wish you everything but the best. May you be healthy and happy. May you enjoy the laughter of children. May your family be a joyful one. May your parents live long (Give my regards to auntie Ashoka.). Time is a machine. Take care sweetheart. I still love you. You can't stop me from loving you. I will remain on this side. I'm keeping my silence because I don't want to hurt you again. I never tried to reach you or come closer because I'm nothing but a huge pain. Anyway, the final thing, I do love you. I will find you someday Baba. Stay safe. Stay strong! I rarely write or come to the web because it hurts me a lot. That's fine. Take care. I did few good things today.

I will write again. 

HBD.

 It was a Jasmine plant. I wish you everything but the best sweetheart. Take care.

Happy birthday! (19th of May 2022)

A rainy morning. As usual, my alarm rang around 5am. I didn't receive a "Good morning" message though. This is my routine now. There are a lot of things to celebrate today. Everything is about you sweetheart. I don't know how to keep my heart silent. My heart sings your name in various ways. I'm writing this around 6.40am. If I'm correct, you are waiting to take the bus. 

I never wanted to say goodbye. I know that I was the wrong person. My behaviour wasn't good. Anyway, I have to say that I genuinely loved you. Loved you like a mad person. And I still love you. Time passes so fast. Today is 19th of May. I haven't forgotten. I will silently celebrate your day. I wish I could come and hug you and tell you how much I love you. Go for a walk in Thorrington. Take lunch with you. Watch a movie and take you back home. 

You have different responsibilities and things to worry about. So I will not urge you to do things/demand things. You have to celebrate this day with someone else. I will never come forward and hurt you again sweetheart. Instead I will remain silent and listen to this silence. Don't forget all the good memories that are still with me. So.... A few final words. I left FB. I don't go there frequently. 

I have bought a plant. Today I will plant it. For the past few years, I have planted numerous plants on special days in our lives (Our story). 

I wish you a happy birthday sweetheart. I wish you everything but the best (Much happiness, many smiles, many children and endless joy and, finally, health). 

I miss you so much. I wish I could see you once more. I definitely don't want to bring the old memories back to you and hurt you once more. So, I will keep my distance. Stay safe sweetheart. Take care of yourself. I will write again. 

18th February 2022

 Thought I forgot you? No.. No... Never.

I didn't forget you. Instead I remembered you many times. I was in a night extra duty. A little late but came home and posting this. How come I forget the first day when I saw your innocent eyes? Yea Baby you were so mischievous. Thats fine. Im sure you have forgotten this day. But long time ago we met for the first time. You didn't keep your word so I had to come and take you home. I miss you a lot Baba. I never wanted to let my little angel out there in between a group of drunken nuts. I still love you. Im keeping my voice low. I don't want to hurt you. Don't forget! yet my heart calls your name. You will alway be mine. You will be my forever valentine. Forever.

I miss you a lot. Stay strong and stay safe sweetheart. I miss you and I'm sorry. Love you. 

09th January 2022

 Happy new year sweetheart. I'm just writing because I wanted to show you that I haven't forgotten you. I will not forget us. I remembered you because I was thinking how we were chatting like two little birds. January was so interesting. In February we met for the first time. I wanted to ask about your secret santa. Anyway I will not get an answer. So I refrained. I hope you are fine Baba. Take care.

20/12/2021. (That day which you want to forget)

 Remember that dark day in 2018. I remember every thing sweetheart. Im sure that was the worst pain a honest girl could ever face. That happened to you. I remember you a lot especially today. Time passes. And time pased. More times to come. I want you to have a happy life sweetheart. I honestly feel bad about the way I acted. Im not writing now too much because I don't want to hurt you further. If you see this you will remember all of it again and get upset. I know you have moved on. I want you to be happy. Also, I want you to stay safe Baba. All my good good memories about you and us are yet with me. Thats the only thing I have for now. Still remember those weekends which we were walking together. I miss you a lot. I still live inside you. I will stay there forever. I hope aunt and uncle also doing fine. I wish the safety and the happiness of your family. Don't forget I love you forever (though I messed it up). Recently I visited all the places where we were walking in Torrington area. My eyes were blurred. I felt how real was all those moments. How hard it was to leave you in tge evenings. How hard was it to leave in Sunday evening. Remember I took a bus around 6pm. Fights erupted because of the pain. I loved you sweetheart. I have many errors in my hands. I still love you though. You will be mine forever. I don't want to hurt you though. I wish if I could see you once more. At least remotely. I wish.... You got hurt a lot because of me. I was wrong but honestly I felt your pain. Im still in pain. Im sorry. Stay safe. Planning to plant a tree. I will remember you forever. I will plant trees for you I wish they will grow taller because of our love. I miss you. Its December 20th 2022.  ❤️❤️❤️

13th August 2021.

 I hope you are fine. People said trees which I have planted in your birthdays are already on their maximum growth. Soon they will be huge trees. Forget me. Thats okay Baba. Im sure Im the only one who plant a tree (I planted 3-4 in your birthdays. In three separate occasions) in your birthday. I wish you the best. Take care yourself.