Missing you-2

Writing this around 4.10. We usually begin to talk around 4.06pm. I hope you remember. Probably you just got on to a bus. Now we are far and apart. Im yet remembering everything. May be these things are forgotten from your perspectives. Im not in an anger Baba. Remember how did I go mad when you didn't call me on time? Remember the way I shouted you? Because I love you Baba. Dont think im trying to beg love now. (I will love you always) Hate me its okay. From my side your love was the best thing I had in my life. You offered it to a cruel person like me. You are an angel( you will be an angel to me always) i remember you a lot Baba. Remember how I asked you to get off the bus? Because I love you Baba. Then and now. I wanted to love you Baba. And I will. The only reason to do so was the love I had for you. Baba! would a person without a love in his mind do so? I know im such a bad one. But cant I love? Cant I feel love? Probably you are passing all those places now. I loved you Baba and I will. I know what a beautiful one you were for me. I will live in side you Baba. Please take care. 

Missing you.

Hope you are fine. I was sick. I think I went to the level of dengue like illness this time also. Im recovering. Anyway that freling came to my mind. Like things going to be ended for me soon. Good experience. Planned many things. And you included. I never forgot you. I Remembered you a lot even when I was this state. I live in you Baba. I know soon you have to leave all the good and bad memories behind abd start a new life. I feel this. I feel you. I felt you always. Remember though im a cruel person, I loved and remembered you a lot. I will keep my love saved forever. It will not be ended. Please take care your self Baba.

I miss you.

5th of March

Writing this in a time which im in total disappointment also. I Remembered you a lot Baba. I think while im writing this you are just getting off the bus. Its 5.30pm. I wish I could hear or see you. But im not that lucky. I think I deserve to suffer. Anyway I will not be angry for keeping your distance. Obviously you did the right. Because the one you loved hurt you. Im not arguing or accusing. Nor shouting in pain. But I have pain. Im bearing it. Because I deserve it. I will miss you till the end? But whats the end? I will search you Baba. Hit hardest as you can. I will bare it. And I have to take it. I wont hate you Baba. I have nothing to hate. On the otger hand I will not be able to be hateful to you. Because...........take care Baba. 

A villain

Baba hope you are fine. May be fantastic without me. Im not blaming or insulting Baba. I know how difficult was I to handle. I know im bad too.  I know all of those facts, but I love you and I loved you. I know you have given up everything about me. All the memories and all the promises. I wish and hope that you wouldn't break the last promise we made to each other (indeed if you remember them. Or may be you have already walked a long distance from there) writing this morning also. Last night I remembered you around 12.30am. That was the time we went to sleep usually. We never felt exhausted. I cant see you or I cant hear you. But I always wish if I could. Its better to see than suffering not seen you. I will take all of these things Baba. Because I deserve to suffer. I want to suffer. I was a stone (I acted a stone. I couldnt see you crying anymore). I know soon everything will be forgotten. Forgotten like I never existed. Baba I loved you and I always will. After all I have become the super villain. Cant I love? I think I can. Its okay baba. Please take care. 

Loving you

I cant sleep Baba. Im thinking. I know the time won't stop for me. And definitely you will proceed. Its now my turn to sit and look. Feel the sadness. Sometimes feel alone. You have reasons to be away from me and forget. I wish If we could visit the Jungle beach, I wish if we could visit Sembuwatta, I wish if we could visit the temple closer to you and offer flowers. I will dive in these thoughts tonight. Its sad Baba. You were sad because of me. And now im also. Im sure im broken forever. Im living in you or part of my life living with in you. I know the memories you have already dumped. Its okay Baba. I dont want you to suffer. Im the sadness and im the evil. I love you too. Im the bad person. Im the villain. I still love you. Okay proceed Baba. Im not your enemy. I tried to give you smiles. I know im bad. May be im mad too. Sure im evil. Take care Baba. Loving is wrong? Loving you wrong? Heart aches. 

Holiday. Were you working?

Today a holiday but as I remember you work today. I remembered you Baba. Always. I remembered all the good memories of us. I was mad when someone un officially talks to you. Thats why I was mad such situations. Remember the few problems occurred? Thats because I love you baba. If I hurt you those situations, pardon me. I was trying to love you. And I will. I still remember those words by your soft golden voice, "you are going there to help people. Dont be Upset". Thats the only driving force with me up-to-date Baba. Your words. I remember them always. Same way when I do something good I specifically remember you. Because you have a share in each and everything I do. I wish those good things will bring you something good. I think im the bad thing happened to you. I never intended to hurt you Baba. Please take care.

Sunday morning.

I was somewhat sick Baba. Im sorry. Thats the reason I couldnt write. I was bed bound with a high fever and a headache. I was kind of afraid too. Because I remembered you Baba. Please stay away from harmful areas. Please dont caught again with dengue. I remembered you a lot. I know im not even in your memories. Anyway It cant prevent me from thinking of you. I hope you are fine Baba. I know now you are all away from memories about me. Im not trying to blame. I will try to manage the sorrow. How can I forget you? And why should I forget you. Even im incapable of forgetting those precious memories. Few times a day or many times per day im keep running that memory tape in my mind. I miss you. I know the pain you took Babia. Im in pain too. Are be bound to pain?  I got up at 5am today. Remembered you. Well what if yesterday was a day which we could meet? Thats the best thing happened in me. I hurt you im sorry. Im wasn't planning to hurt you Baba. I had no intentions to hurt. I felt the energy to love you. And I did. I promise I will forever. This morning all those smiles we had in my memories, im celebrating  them. I dont want to forget you. If you see this someday please understand I was in pain too. Im living with pain. If I was the selfish jerk (I am. I know that. But am I totally a jerk?) I wont be this upset about anything this much. I feel sad too. I miss you. I cant see or hear you. Take care Baba. Please be safe.