Saturday in pain

I know you what you think about me Baba. I know you have considered me a senseless person. I have to say Im not Baba. Do you think I had no sense and feeling about the pain which I have given to you? I have all the feeling about it. I feel you Baba. I felt each and every feeling you had. That pain I had in me behalf of you Baba. This pain im living is behalf of you Baba. Im living  in you. I know you have kicked out all those feelings.you have thrown all those memories away. I just wanted to see you smiling too. I wanted your happiness too. Im not selfish. But I never got behind in falling in love with you Baba. I know you dont want to remember a distant painful history. Im history Baba. Im living there. I will live there in your memories Baba.  I remembered you. I remembered we had some good memories in the women's day (yesterday). A saturday today, I wish we could hold our hands and walk. Wish we could see a movie. I never walked along those lanes and those places again. (I will not) I cant walk there again. I will not Baba. I remember you a lot. Many memories. Remember the times we went for shopping? That time also closer. New year is closer. So I have to be ready to take another new year with memories. I wish I could hear or see you. Im not that privileged. I know the pain of rejection. I will not loose my love Baba. Kill me, Make me mad, torture me. I will not give up loving you. I will not. Yes im a jerk. Okay thats okay for me. Cant I love you? If im one of the usual jerks I wont be in this pain. They live happier than me. Im dying in pain. I know I deserve this pain. I dont want to feel less pain. I want to feel all of it. I want to take all of this pain. Remember please Baba someday that, I kept all my love to you. Im bad, im cruel, im a jerk, and im a devil. I know this. I loved an angel too. Thats you. Take care. I will miss you.