February 1st

Writing this around 1.30pm. You are coming out for tea around 3.30pm. Remembered we were both restless till that call. Today a friday. Remember how fast was I driving to see you. Please understand someday if you could read all these, that I was in a great pain and disappointment too. But I promise I wont violate your rights, privacy or freedom. I will promise you that I would search you through the universe Baba. I clearly know that I messed up every possible way. On the other hand I have to admit that I loved you too. And I will always. Im sure you have forgotten most of this. For that I will never blame you. You have the right to forget me.  I don't want to forget you. I want you to live in me. So each and every memory will be with me. Its February 1st Baba. I hope you are fine. Remember the incidents this month? We met. We chat. Many beautiful things. Please take care. 

Tonight.

Writing this tonight. Im also in pain baba. Im not in comfort too. But I jever wanted to drag you through a hard time. I want to love, i did love and I will. I never had hard or harsh feeling for you. I blames you like im mad because I loved you. Please dont take them offensive though they were offensive that time. Even now when I remember those things my yeart aches. I think you will have a better future. I never asked for selfish promises Baba. If you remember someday please keep our promises. I will never disturb you. I never hurt you again. Some other time somewhere where and when I dont know, but I will find you. Punish me maximum possible that time. I never hated you Baba. I tried to see lots ans lots of smiles in your face. Im sorry I made you cry finally. Please take care. Someday if you see my posts (im not sure this. You incidentally found my blog. Sometimes you may find it or see it again) please go through them without a rush. I wrote them for you. All your memories are with me. Those are valuable to me. Pls take care. Will write again. 

6.42am

Writing this in the morning. And im sure you are just about to get in to the staff service shuttle. I remembered you. Remembered those times. Those times when we had a strange and most active timetable. Remembered how you wrote to me "good morning" around 4am? I hope you are doing fine Baba. After all its the best times may be. Because this time ypu have better reasons to forget me. Tale care your self Baba. If im the devil you met would I feel this bad? I never called you back because I dont want to see those beautiful eyes crying. I dont wanted to see you in pain. And definitely i dont have a right too. Will write again.

7.58pm (Anti clock wise memories)

Remember the time when your mamma comes home after work. We were chatting and that when you are going to chat mood. I remembered you again. And i couldn't stop or I cant help writing this. Anyway keeping your memories aren't difficult to me. I want them to live beside me forever. What terrifies me is the fact my memory. My memory seems to be a bad one. Anyway it is quite well functioning when keeping your memories. Thats a relief. Anyway Baba writing this to you in a time when you are helping your mom at kitchen. Probably she is forcing you to eat something. I remembered you are travel by a street food store where you buy some snacks (roles and pastries) I remember that bus ride you are taking from Kohuwala to home. Like yesterday I remember. once after a ride I came to drop you. You were after your work. I was looking at you from afar. You didnt saw me first. You were looking at some plants in a plant nursery. Only I know the pain, hope, promises, sadness and the disappointment which was in my mind that time. I just wanted to love you Baba. And I will forever. I will find you somehow. Im not angry with you. How come be angry withyou. Take care. 

Time is running.

Time is passing and I know many things will be changed. I know you did those changes not to hurt me but to proceed. Im the one who is wrong Baba. Im the one who started all of this. And im the one who is heartless. Im the one who notoriously went away. Im the one who gave the tears to you. Im the one who made you sad (you once said you were happy before). Im wrong. But i never intended to hurt you Baba. Make me suffer. Make me cry. Pull the crap out from me. I wont be angry with you. Never. All the mistakes in my hands. Means Baba Shouldn'tI love you? I dont know. I know that I loved and I will forever. This year many things will be changed I guess. Im not angry. Now its my turn to take all the pains. But dont think that I wasnt in pain. I was and I am. And definitely i will be. You have better reason to forget me. Im not angry. I wish you all the good thungs Baba. I did try to give you the best things. I never wanted to see you crying. I never wanted to see you in pain. I messed up. But im also a person who tried to give you a smile. This is the year you were waiting. I hope you forgot all the little promises we made. Thats fine. I dont want to live in a place where you doesn't exist. So keep your last possible promise at least. Take care Baba. Will write again.

Remembrance

We met at the exact same place year ago. You were wearing a beautiful dress. And it was a night. I came at midnight. And took you home. Those times will not return i guess. I remember you a lot Baba. Im in pain. Running through this pain isnt easy too. I know you took a big pain. Im in our memories here at this place. Waled through the same little avenue where i met you that night. I miss you Baba. Im at the exact place. And the exact hall where you had your party. I miss you. Take care. Will write again. 

Im here alone. Where we met for the first time at a night. You were just after a party. Same point. Im breaking in to pieces within in pain. Many memories. View blurred. 

i wish-2

I wish

Inwish I could hear and see you Baba. I know you are far. And probably forgotten me. Im not trying to say thats wrong. You have the right to do so. You have the right to forget and get away from the pains. Im here with holding in to my memories. Im sure that im not living in your memories further. I dont have a right to ask or request. What I could do is waiting. I dont know. May be you have better reasons to forget me. Or there will be better reasons soon. I know the pain you took baba. I felt it too. I was just acting like a stone. Im not a painless person. I feel pain too. I feel others pain too. I feel your pain to the maximum. I was the devil that time. All I want to say is that i remember you a lot. You are living in me. Hope you are fine. Will write again. Take care your self. 

Baba assume If this a day we could meet. Remember those saturdays? I ran toward you after the work. I still remember. Had no vehicle abd took a long ride in the bus. I was afraid too because I thought you would tell me that im a person without a car. Anyway i like those times Baba. I hope you are fine too. If the friday was the day. We could have meet in near your office. Where we could go home together. I still remember the times Baba. I miss you too. I know all those times are forgotten. And all those times are passed so quickly. I never wanted to hurt you sweet. I just wanted to love. I know im 4the most cruel. I know im the evil. But I still have the love. If im the real evil I will not try to remember you. But i remember you always. I dont want to forget you or our memories. I wish you are fine. Soon the February. Many memories. And that day hated the most the 18th. Please take care  self Baba. I hope mom also fine. Take care her too. Will write again. 

January

See how fast time passes Baba. A month gone. Im sure as this year will be. And im sure the decisions that you would take. I never be angry, hatred and jealous Baba. I want best things for you. Im sorry. Sure, soon you will find that happiness which I haven't given to you. And im sure you will find the best. I wish you the best too. Many many and may reasonable reasons will come to you, to make you understand how vital is to forget me. I know you have to take that path. I never will be angry for that Baba. I will keep my heart filled with love forever. May be in a next time. May be? No definitely. I will search you Baba. Kick me hit me hurt me dump me. Do whatever to make me suffer. I deserve it too. I will never be angry. And I will never stop searching you. If im the usual devil mentioned in all the classic literature, I will not be this worried and this much heart broken. Sad thing is a heart broken broke a heart. I never wanted to see you suffer Baba. I will never forgive my soul. I dont want a forgiveness.I wanted to give you happiness. I liked to see you smile. May be I was wrong after all. Please take care. Will write again. 

Sorry for the delay in writing. I hope you are fine. I remembered you a lot though. February closer. The month we met. Everything in my memory. Memories are many running in my brain. I remember the everything. I know you have forgotten baba. Anyway im not angry with that. Everything brings a memory about you. I wish we could walk holding hands. Hope you are fine. And pls take care. 

Hi Baba. Hiw are you? I remembered you much. What if yesterday (friday) was a day which I could visit you? Will you hug me Baba? Im quite sure if it was such a day I will drive back you home after work. Remember how we talked and laughed? Remember Baba all our things? Our smiles, our promises and pur tears. Im sure you have the true right to forget everything and move on. I know you will. Thats a pain for me. But I deserve it Baba. I deserve to suffer. I will suffer within my conscience. Remember how we we sitting and talking in Torington? Remember that place? I saw that place recently. I could not walk there. I was looking at it from a distance. Everything was blurred. Eyes were wet. Times were passed. Though the memories were floded. Heart was heavy. Stay safe Baba. Pls. Take care. Will write to you again. 

Writing this around 7.30 in the morning. And remembered how we were talking this time year back. You are travelling through Kohuwala at the moment. When schools are in vacations your trip to the work place was a faster one. I still remember how we laughed, smiled, and talked cried. I remember you a lot Baba. I think even you will be surprised to know. You are totally always in my head, in my mind and in my thoughts like a continuously singing song which is so beautiful. After 8 am you are coming out around 9.30am. I remember everything Baba. Probably I remember every word even. Im in pain too. Dont think that I never felt your pain. I know what kind of pain which you were in. I never intend to hurt you baba. How come i hurt you? I love and loved you. I think you are doong fine. Im sure im being forgotten. I have no right to claim a memory even. Please take care of your self. Will write again.

Memories

I have the feeling that im being forgotten. I can blame it for you. You are doing so to decrease your pain. But the feeling is painful and I deserve. I know even today was a holiday probably you were working. Im not angry for forgetting me. But its painful. I felt your pain too. And my heart is heavy. What if this a day we could see. I hope everything to be right. Please stay safe.

Forgotten

Nothing is easy Baba. I know the pain you took. I felt it. And now Its with me. My heart aches. May he it screamed your name that much. I hooe you are busy these days. May he dance practices. Remembered everything. I can remember each and every minute of our time. Im living within those memories. I  loved you baba. And I will. I couldn't hurt you further. If I don't have a single human feeling, would I be in this pain? Sadly now im not seeing you. Now I cant hear you. And I miss you too. I Hope you are fine baba. I will write tomorrow again. Tc

These fridays

I wish if this was a friday when I ran toward you. I wish if this could be such a day. Anyway I think you have forgotten me. I felt it a lot Baba. Blame me enough. But dont say that I never loved you. Dont say I never would be able to love you. I know im this creepy person. Yet I had lot of feelings and love for you. And forever it would be so. I will not be angry when you forget the last memory about me. Even I dont think that im a person with that value to you. I dont think that im good too. But I will always have the love to you. Forever. Blame insult, and forget. I know whats inside me. Remember the time Baba when I came directly to your work place in fridays? I hops you forgot. Those are the times when I really lived. And those were so real. I remembered you a lot Baba. Sure I will remember you always. You are an legend in my heart you are a flower in my mind. A flower in a demonic heart. Im cruel. Please be safe Baba. Take care your self. Will write again.

That day

I hope you are fine Baba. I wish of I could see you or hear you. I know things became this way because of own faults. I cant blame you for that. I never wanted to blame you for anything.(I blamed that was because of love or my heart's pain in losing you). I hope you remember that day we saw each other after your party in a colombo hotel. That day for the first time I blamed you a lot. Remember? That's because I really loved you. I wish I could go to that time again. I never wanted to hurt you Baba. I only wanted to love you. Remembered how I took you home that night. We were holding our hands. And time passed. Im not telling im a good one. But I loved you Baba. And forever will be. I hope you are fine. In a February we first met. February was so cool. All the memories are flowing to my head. And the mind is heavy. Eyes are blurred and wet. Please take care. Will write again. 

Kohuwala

Writing this in a morning. Im sure this early  and this time you are usually travel through Kohuwala. I always remember our chats. And talks. I hope you are so busy these days. I remember how you are desperately preparing for a talent show in office. I remember that day when I eventually appeared infront you after a party. That time you were also very mischievous. You told your mother not coming and you were there untill late night. You think I drank that night at a beach closer to enjoy? No Baba that was my pain. With in. And I seriously blamed you for the first time because I really love you. I know i didnt keep the word. Anyway im also a person love and loved you. My efforts were to see you smile. I know im totally failed and wrong. Now I cant see you and cant hear you. All are my faults. Didnt you ever feel some love from me Baba? Please take care your self. Im not in a position to make things prohibited. That party I remember I didnt want to see my one dancing infront of a drunken crowd in a late night. My heart was burning in pain. What I still request you is keeping your self safe. Please Baba. I hope you are fine. And Im not angry with you. Will write again.

Times

If this is a time like before. When I ran to you like mad. Holding hands together. Walked distant miles without exhaustion. All those jokes, compliments whispered in to your ears. Remember? Best times of our lives. I hope you are fine Baba. Think if it was a Saturday whih we could meet like before. Take care. Will write again. 

January 3rd

New year began and 3 days went in a flashing speed. Im quite uncomfortable in  the feeling of being forgotten. There is nothing to blame on you. Well I have to take it. And suffer. I deserve. Blame for what? you were right and you were offering your love. And I was a disgrace. Writing this around 2.30pm. I remember how you comes out for tea and call me. All those memories are with me. I dont want to forget them. I wish and I want to remember every single thing and every single moment. You have a right to decrease your pain Baba. I know this year things will be changed a lot. I know and I remember once you told me. You think 2019 is the year you  were waiting. I hope you are fine baba. I remember you always. I hope you feel sometimes. This is the time we started to talk so regularly. Remember? Take care of your self Baba. Will write again. 

Happy new year-2

I think you are busy these days Baba. Probably the office started again. And I remembered how we talked to each other in the evenings. I was waiting restless till you come out from the work and make a call. I remember how I came near to your office few times in the evenings and met you. Im living there Baba. I know that is distant past to you now. Forgetting isnt wrong because thats the only was you could decrease your pain. Im not angry. How come I become angry with you? I loved and love you. Also Im remembering how I blamed you sometimes. My words weren't appropriate sometimes. But my anger was my my love. That was the burning pain inside. Im never hate you Baba. Even that time. Pain and love. That was pain of love. Im so sorry. My words were harsh. I love you that much. You never felt love Baba? Blame me its okay. Please take care. Will write you again. 

Happy new year

Happy new year Baba. I think at the time im writing this, you are travelling. If I guess right you are near to Kohuwala because the time is 7.30am. Remember our good old days? Have to say I saw you in a dreams. Usually I cant remember when I see something in dreams. Sure and I remember today I saw you. As always you were much beautiful too. Im happy at least I could see you this way. Today will be a lucky day because of that dream. Yesterday I tried to read a short story in a newspaper, but I couldn't. Why? I think I'm a evil person, and im internally cracked. My soul is damaged beyond the Noemal. I should feel this way. Thats totally fine. I should suffer. This heart of mine hurt you that darker december. So let it suffer enough. I wish your safety Baba. Please be safe. I think you will have a small celebration at work. Take care. Will write again. Happy new year!