1st of October. 2019.

Baby Im writing this around 6.50am. I think you are already on the bus. Days will pass. Weeks, months and years would be gone. What about us? I think a lot. What would be the future? Uncertainty overwhelms. I want you to find your happiness. For me.. im remembering our better times. That brings me happiness. I loved you and I loved you a lot Baba. I remember how we met at the greenish colombo roads and junctions. I remember how your father once had a problem because he stand up against the injustice. I remember how you worried for him. For what you have been through, you would have a better future Baba. I know that your heart is pure. I know you are good. Mistake you made is loving a notorious character. Im cruel, and Im rude. I know my faults Baba. I will not hurt you again. I love you forever. 

30th September 2019

Writing this around 7.25am. I think you have passed midway of your journey to office. I remember the chats we had. Sometimes I remember how mischievous you were. Because you sometimes didn't answer in the bus. Sometimes you tried to avoid chats in the bus. I know you had reasons baba. Non of them could prevent me. None of them was a reason for me. Sometimes I felt Bad. I felt love and I was trying to love you more and more. Even today I haven't changed my love, feelings and thoughts about you. Even for today Im remembering you many times a day. I never wanted to forget you. Only I couldn't see you suffering because of me. I couldn't take the pain when I saw you crying. My heart was always heavy. I cried and cried at home. My bed and the pillow was wet. I cried a lot. I know none of those things matters anymore to you. I have to say this though! Your brutal and unkind lover loved you forever. Loved to the last breath. I miss you. 

29th September 2019

How are you sweetheart? I hope you are fine. May be you were resting today at home. I hope your mother also at home today. How is your mother? Is she doing good? I remember her a lot. Because I always remember the effort she gives to give a better future for you. She was continuously working. A tough woman. I admire her a lot. She loves you a lot. I remember everything. Im writing this around 6pm in the evening. As today a Sunday I thought you were busy. I know you have some work also in sundays. Especially to wash and dry your clothes. Sweetheart you know these are rainy seasons. So please be vigilant about the surrounding. Please sweetheart keep aways from mosquito breeding environments. I wish your safety. I cant come and tell these things (I wish I could). Please baba stay safe. I miss you a lot. 

28th September 2019.

September ends baba. Little more to go this year. That day will come when you take someone's hand. I will wish you the best. I will suffer for not being the one who holds your hand. I was lucky to have you in my life. I was totally a jerk to lose you. I have many weaknesses and many faults sweetheart. Remember I love you a lot though. I cant see you. I cant hear you. Im suffering a lot here. Thats okay Baba. I think these are consequences of my faults. These are the results of mismanaged relationship. I know how seriously you loved me. I loved you a lot too. I was totally a mad guy when it came to decision making. I dont have better explanations. My explanation suck worse when I try to rationalise. Whats better about a breaking relationship due to a guys faults? Well.. that was me. Im so sorry sweetheart. I miss you a lot. I was wrong. Today a Saturday. What a day if we could see each other. Take care. 

27th September 2019

Im writing in the evening today. Time is 4.41pm. I think you are on your way home. Remember how we went to Maxmara after work? You bought a T shirt for me there I guess. I misss those times a lot. Reason I was late to write today is the stress which Im going through. I dont know how to describe it. Wish me good luck sweetheart. My heart loves you. Its a friday too. Baba remember the times when I ran to you in fridays? Remember the days which I gave a ride to you?Remember how did I pick-up you after the work? You were waiting for me there. Time passed quickly. Sweetheart im loving you forever. Im the worst person you have ever met. Im a crappy person. I have love in my heart though. I miss you a lot. Please be safe. 

26th September 2019.

I think you are in the office shuttle. I wish I could give a ride to you. Drop you at the workplace. Kiss your forehead and say I love you. Remember how you kissed my forehead and inturn I kissed your forehead when we left each other for home? I still remember the sweet feeling. I loved to feel your fragrance too. I hope non of those things are further remembered. For not remembering I cant blame you sweetheart. Because all the faults are with me. I was the wrong guy. I was the notorious partners. Im the villain of love. I dont care how bad I am. But I have to say that I love you a lot. I loved you a lot. Time will be passed. We would be so different, but I will keep all the love to you untouched. I always feel something inside of me is missing.  I miss you a lot. Take care.

25th September 2019. 2nd post.

Writing for the second time again. I remember you a lot. Rains started here. Remember we were talking? Remember when I was studying at workplace? We were chatting till late night. I was studying in an office room. I miss you a lot Baba. I know im not a memory now. Im not a person to you now. Take care. I love you.

25th of September 2019

Sweetheart I remembered you as usual. Started to wrtie this around 6.40am. Probably you were leaving home for work. I was a little late to publish this because im on a 24 hour duty since yesterday. Remember my duties? Sweetheart we were talking and chatting with each other till 1.00am somedays. I hope you have forgotten those times. How can I forget them? Since that was the best time of my life. I dont have a will to forget and proceed Baba. I dont want to forget you. I have pain because I sttill love you. If I was the kind of usual person without a gratitude, I would not go through this pain. Instead I feel devoted to you yet. I feel humble for your love. I feel the warmth you have given to me. I felt love a lot. I did my best to love you. I tried to Keep you with me forever. I never knew Im this much corrupted, corroded and damaged as a person. My moves are beyond tolerable and acceptable. I know and I agree. Since I have messed up all the way, I was helpless. I loved you beyond my limits. I tried my best trust me.  Then now I dont feel a comfort in living either. I dont know how should I proceed. I will keep my love to you forever. I miss you. 

24th September 2019

24th. Time is a machine. So fast. Sweetheart I have a Seepalika tree at the work place. In 2017 I remember when I come out felt a pleasant fragrance. Never paid an adequate attention to the fragrance because we were chatting and talking. Sweet smell was from Seepalika flowers. Each and every time when I come out we were talking to each other. Now the plant is flowering. Im feeling the same fragrance of Seepalika flowers but Im missing something inside me. Im missing you. We are not chatting anymore. Those flowers brought me the old memories. Remember how I told you that you are a Lotus to me? We have Nil Manel infront of the building in a pond. Remember how I sent a picture of one of those flowers and told you that It was you. You were a flower to me. Your fragrance the same sweetheart. I hope you are doing fine. Year will end soon. I miss you a lot. I love you. 

23rd September 2019

I think you are taking your usual ride to work while Im writing this message. I dont know whether the daily routine remains the same or changed. But I definitely know thesee things including our old routine will be in my mind forever. I remember those things frequently. Finally memory and some moments only remain with me. I have to keep them with me. I dont think that you will be able to wait and think or wait and remember our past. You are destined to forget me and the past. You are on your way to a better future without me. Well forget if you want. I will not force you to remember me. If you could forget me, I dont have obligations. Baba dont you remember better moments with me? Dont you ever had something good with me? I know you are throwing everything out which belongs to our past. Everything. I know that. I heard so. I know what hurt the most now (i know you went through the same thing. I dont ask excuses. I dont ask mercy. Throw all the things out. Throw the crappier person you have ever met out. Throw out everything belongs to the bitter past with me.) I dont have words. Go on.. you are doing it right. I feel terrible. Im in pain because of that too. I never hate you for doing that. Throw all the crap and the junk belongs to my past away then you will be remained in happiness. I wish your happiness. Do what makes you happy sweetheart. My pains have to be ended someday too. Dont even think about me much sweetheart. I deserve to suffer. I would welcome what ever the punishment comes to me. Im not good. Take care.

22 September 2019.

6.42am. Remember how I was doing exercises? Remember I went for jogging? May be you dont remember now. Its okay. Sweetheart I cant see you or hear you. And thats a great pain. Thats how it goes. Im in pain and this is love. You were in pain because you loved me. I have no words to express or explain the situation which Im going through at the moment. I just want you to know that I love you a lot. I hide my love from you always. I think I cant hide it anymore. Please dont misunderstand!. Im not trying to interfere in your life once more. No im not trying to do that. I will not come and let you to remember all the pains you had because of me. Im just writing here because I have no one to express my pain. I have no way to tell my story. Im totally a broken person Baba. My way of loving is the worst on earth. I miss you a lot. Remember the Sundays? Tale care sweetheart!. 

21st September 2019.

Many Saturdays will pass. Sweetheart someday you will leave for a new lofe with someone. Dont worry I will be waiting here. I will wait here till the end of my life. I will find you too someday.(our story began a long long times a go. Our history extend beyond time. You and I) Im a person who is beyond tolerable. Im a person who is too notorious to be loved. Im a stone. A cold hearted. This year will soon be end.
Today morning im seeing a very sad thing Baba. I doubt life a lot. Remember I loved animals a lot? Especially the dogs. I was feeding another dog (not the one at my work place)  Its a female. She lived with a dog. A beautiful couple. She was pregnant too. Today morning found her dead at roadside. Her husband (lucky) cries. That is life. Remember the song by Namal Udugama. The song you got also sensitive? "NIHANDAWELA". Lucky (dog sits alone).
Im in pain. And today morning my pain is so severe. I miss you a lot. Please take care your self Baba. Pls pls pls..

20th September 2019

I remembered you today early morning. I think you are already on your way to work. I remember you like im mad. Its okay! mad is better. I feel better in my madness. My heart and brain sings your song. You are a masterpiece music which continuously singing inside me. I miss you a lot.
You might think what a jerk am I. I was helpless too. I was in pain too. I didnt know what to do next. I totally lost my mind in making decisions. Probably all the decisions I made were so upsetting. I was wrong. I acted like im a stone but im not. I cant help loving you. You will be mine forever Baba. I will keep loving you forever. Forget me. Hate me. Yes Im a bad guy in love. I lost my way. I lost all my instincts about living but can't I love? I will keep loving you forever. I know this is hard. Whats the meaning of a life without difficulties. I love you. Take care.

19th September 2019.

Went to a nearby place. I was watching the sunset. Remember the evenings when I sent pictures of sunset to you? Remember how you appreciate them? You said im a good photographer. I dont know Baba. May be I was a photographer but I was a crappier lover. Remembered how you smiled. Remember how you tried to make a web page for me. Everything is in my head. I dont have a way to proceed. Im kind of stuck. Like a computer. You know about computers better than me. I wish we lived like others. Im also thinking why we didn't meet earlier too. May be you already made your mind to some extents. You may ask whats the meaning of living with me. I have only one answer. Because I love you. You need a better reason than that? Because you are mine! Whats the better reason other than love? Take care Baba.

18th September 2019.

I did something good. I dedicate the credit/good name of the deed to your name. You inspired me to work here. You are the only one said something good and valuable about my working station. I still remember how did I work long hours to make a weekend be freed. How desperate was I to see you. I work sometimes 4 Days continuously. I got a severe headache thereafter. I felt that pain like a reward. A reward to our love. Because I feel that pain as a pleasure. Doing something behalf of you and being in pain was something new to me. I keep remembering those days. Because those were the best days. How pleasant was it to hold your hand and walk in torington or at waters edge? I still remember like it was yesterday. I hope you are fine sweetheart. I miss you a lot. Im in pain.

17th September 2019. 2nd post (1pm)

Time is 12 58pm. You are about to start your work after lunch. Remember how we enjoyed chatting within these few minutes in your luch hour. I remember all of it. Remembered you a lot today. Those memories are with me. Forever!. You are my queen, my angel and my princess forever. Above all you will be my foreve love. You are my one. I miss you a lot. Im in love and im in pain. I know I have to go through this. 

17 September 2019

For get me for one minute. Then for an hour. Again for a day. Someday you will be able to forget me forever. I cant stop that. Bad memories will be erased. Same will happen to me. Im the worst thing possibly happened to you. Im the worst nightmare you have ever seen. You will forget me somehow or other. Im not urging you to remember me. Im asking to remember the love. Remember it like a feeling.(im not imposing laws. I have no right to do so.) I remember the fragrance of your hair. It will be remembered till the last moment of my life. Baba we didnt met incidentally. We were waiting to meet a long time. We meant to be met this life. I was a notorious person thats the bad thing. Because of me you got hurt. I will search for you again. I will be suffered throughout Sansara for hurting you. I will find you somehow. I love you a lot. I miss you. 

16th September 2019.

I dont know how to measure the rate of time. Anyway it is too fast. Im writing this around 6.25am. Probably you just came out from the bath. May be taking a hair dressing. I have no intention to hurt you further sweetheart. Everyone one will forget me. Even you have to forget me. Otherwise you will be in pain Baba. Only thing what I want you to remember is the the love (I dont urge you to. But if you remember me someday please think that I lived because of you. I lived to love you. Loved you until the very end of my life.)
Yes I know it was a bad dream. A nightmare to you. Im sorry for being that crappier character. I never intended to hurt you. Love is the only thing I felt. I miss you a lot. Someday I will be a better character. Its hard. This life torturing me. I have to wait though. Please take care your self.

15th September

Writing this today morning with a great pain in my heart and my head. Im in love and im in pain. I dont want to forget you or the things. I dont know how to proceed. Im stuck in a hell of a pain. I dont want to escape. I know you are moving on sweetheart. Please Remember someday! I loved you (I always do love) like you are an angel. I loved you (i still do love) like to a princess. I miss you something inside of me. It is so painful to miss a vital thing. Someone who is so vital. Without you im in pain. This is a hell. Im spending my time like a person without a conscience. Sweetheart I always remember all our chats and talks. I miss you a lot. Someday if you remember me think that I loved you whole my life time. I will wait for you. 

14 September 2019

Sweetheart how are you? I hope that you are ready for a walk today. Or a short trip. I feel bad without you. That emptiness came to me was a permanent one. I dont want to fill it either. That place is yours forever. I think you have many plans for today. I feel so. Today is Saturday. Saturday was our day Baba. I hope you remember. It was the day we were waiting desperately to see each other. Memories are endless this morning. Since this is a long weekend what we could do if we were together? When I close my eyes I remember you. Still there is a picture of you inside my mind. Time will pass. Someday I will not be writing this list of messages. Thats the day probably Im gone forever. I will keep loving and messaging till the last breath. Will you come to say one last good bye?(on the day I leave this world?). Please remember I loved you. I will love you forever. I miss you so much. 

13th September

Im so sorry Baba. I was driving long hours here and there. There were few issues which I should attend on time. Non of them made me to forget you. I remembered you always. Because I was driving and travelling, I couldn't write to you. I hope you are fine Baba. What is interesting is I saw you in a dream last night. We were dancing. I wish I could dance with you. I miss you a lot. I will write  to you again tomorrow morning. I miss you. 

11th September 2nd post.

Writing this around 3.45pm. At 4pm you will leave the work place. Usually we began our chat from 4.06pm. I remember all of it. May be you came out around 3-3.15pm for a tea. I wish I could see you. I wish I could hug you Baba. Anyway I wont be able. Im not that privileged. I miss you a lot. 

11 September 2019.

Sweetheart I'm writing this around 6.40am. Exact time you are getting on to your bus. From coming Friday starts a long weekend. No doubt I'm thinking what could have been if we were together. I will meet you there. At our beloved junction at Colombo. Will you wait for me? Where we will walk? Where we will dine? Where we will go for shopping? A movie? I will hold your hand. I hope this poya day is a holiday for you. Well I have many dreams. I know none of them would be a reality. I know you won't even look at my face. Life is hard. I know that. Loving, losing and living is so hard. Loving, living the moment, trying to beat the fate also so hard. We both went through a hell of a time because of love. I know (and I won't blame it on you for forgetting me) you have moved on. May be this weekend you are walking with your beloved one. Well I will be walking on our footsteps again. Time is hash. Time is lovely. Nothing could beat the love. I will love you forever. 

10 September 2019

I think of you always. Especially today morning when I got up. It is you who come to my mind when I get up in the morning and when I go to sleep at night. There should be a reason for that. When I remember you, Im thinking how we were sitting in Torington park area. I remember how I keed you. I remember your first kiss.(im in pain). I have to say sweetheart, my job was totally motivated by you. There are some plants growing here by your name. I planted them in special occasion to remember you and my love to you. Blame or joke. You might ask "is that what you called love?". I dont have answers. Im well aware that im the one who is wrong. Im the one who got messed and made a mess out from all of my issues. Believe or not I didnt have a fake love to you. I would not feel this way If I was a fake one. 2 years gone. I love you. We met before our lives. We met before our time. I will keep loving you. Im sorry. 

09th September 2nd post (1.55pm)

Sweetheart. Tell me plase how I should digest the fact that my soul has to go alone? How should I accept the life without you? Im a person who kicked the love out of my life. I was an idiot for sure. Im in pain. I dont see you or hear you. Never thought that this would be this much miserable.

09 September 2019.

Started to write this around 6.45am. I think you are on your bus. Remember those early mornings when we both have to send a selfy around 8.00am? Remember how I was so happy to wear the tie which you gifted to me? It was a red color tie. That tie is still with me. Im wearing it for spcial functions. Sacred memories in my life. Usually I sent a selfy when I exit from my quarters. Remember? Remember how were saying "I love you" to each other at the last minute (7.55am-8.00am). Then were desperately waiting to talk in your morning snack time. I remember it was around 9.15am. How beautiful was the time. How happy we were. We enjoyed being loved and loving. I miss you a lot. Remembered all those things when I woke up in the morning today. My immortal memories. I will keep loving you forever Sweetheart. Take care  

8th September 2019

A Sunday. My angel should be yet sleeping. Im writing this because I miss her so much. When I remember the times when we're together, my eyes are getting wet. We didnt even feel the time. We were happy that much. I feel the time with you like a beautiful dream. Or feel like I was in heavens. Early morning I took a loot at phone. I remember how you wrote to me early norning. Time is so amazing. Time is so cruel some times. Beyond everything I was cruel to you. That I know. That I will remember forever. For being that person I will not forgive myself.(forever.) Time will pass sweetheart. Things will fade away. So do I. So will be our memories and promises. I will not blame for that. All those memories will be saved inside my heart and brain. I will recall them time to time. Thats how I going to live this life. I love you forever. 

7th September 2019. I miss you.

Writing words easy. Yes I know that. What we feel inside matters the most. What you and I feel because of love is pain. Once you've  said we could have met earlier. Yes I agree. We could have meet long before these messed up situations. Sooner or later you will be arrived at a point where you have to forget me forever. You will be met with new endeavours, new encounters and a new life. Im not trying to predict things. Things will be so different and changed. You will meet your happiness and love.(Remember please!! Please and please I love you too). I wish all the success and lots and lots of happiness to you. May you be smiling. May you live long. Its okay if you don't remember me. (I deserve). I will keep loving you Baba. I have all of our memories with me. I have faith in you. I have trust in you. I live inside you.

6th September 2019 2nd post

4.30pm sweetheart. Remember how we started our laughs, smiles and talks after the work?. Remember how I came to pick-up you after work in fridays? Usually It was around 4.30pm too. Today a friday. I Remember everything. I will keep loving you. Those are the better times. Those are the best moments. I miss you. 

6th September 2019.

Sweetheart dont think once your beloved person living so happy now. No Baba. Im burning inside. I can't talk about it in public. Leave all these thoughts behind! I know how much of a pain you took on behalf of me. I know and I felt the pain you went through. I think the good time for you is about to come. About me.... I cant predict where Im heading toward. What I can say is each minute, each hour, each day and each week I remembered you always. You are a sweet soft song which keeps singing in my mind and the soul. Im too wrecked to become the idial lover sweetheart. Im totally damaged on my way. I dont like to proceed this way. I know how cruel and how ugly am I. I hurt thee sweetest one who loved me more than her own life. Im so upset sweetheart. I miss you so much. I wish I could run and grab your hands. Say "I love you". A day will come. Take care. 

5th of September 2019

I started to write this around 6.20am. I think you are taking your breakfast. Soon you will come out for the bus. Usually you came out around 6.40-6.41am.  Like this moment being passed, our lives will move forward. You got hurt because of love sweetheart. Im a person who is tortured by love too. What is ugly is I hurt you back (its too rare, a broken person like me to hurt someone else who was in love). I dont ask you to forgive me for that. I deserve to suffer. I deserve to pay the price for that. I still remember how you cried on my laps. I still remember how warm was your tears. I was shouting to stop. I was unable to control my pain too. I was breaking in to pieces inside my self. I was in pain. My heart was crying. Trust me sweetheart for a one last time. My heart was so so heavy. I never intended to hurt you. I wanted to love you whole my life time. I wanted you to be mine forever. I messed up each and every step on my way. Im in pain forever. I miss you. 

4th of September

Good morning Baba. I hope you are fine. Am I forgotten forever Baba? If not when will I be forgotten? It is  something painful for me. I know when you move on, forgetting me is an inevitable consequence. Since I was the reason for a great pain, you would consider to forget me. May be I am already a forgotten thing. In a dim and distant past we were the best lovers in the whole world. (I still love you). How can a person forget the best thing he ever owned. How come I forget you and your love? You are the turning point in my life. I felt your love. Now Im beyond a broken sould Baba. Im unlucky. Im beyond being unlucky. Im beyond being a broken soul. I dont know how to proceed Baba. Anyway Im trying my best to keep my memories. I love those memories a lot. I love you a lot. Take care. 

3rd of September

Sweetheart how are you? Remember the time when you called me in early mornings? Usually around 7am. Time when I was in a temporary appointment. Both of us were so happy. So loving. I had a dream last night. It was also a similar discussion/chat. I dont know why did I dreamed of it. Mind does things without authority. I fell in love with you. I love you deeply Baba. I was so rude to you. Someday If the time comes, I will prove the love I had for you. I will prove the love inside me. Till then you can call me a "fake lover". I welcome that name if you intend to use it. I will keep my memories of you and I forever. Im tightly keeping them closer to my heart. I miss you a lot. 

2nd of September 2019.

I think you are already on your way to work. I remember few days when I collected you early in the morning. Those days are passed. Remembering how I dropped you closer to home after work. I was looking how you are leaving the sight. It was painful. My heart was heavy. September started. Soon it will be ended too. I know you are moving ahead. I wish your luck. Someday you will take the hands of the beloved one and leave for a new life. Time will again decide things. Children and responsibilities. Then many duties. I understand all of them. Im not asking to wait or freeze. I wish you everything but the best. I dont know what future plans for me. Whatever it is I will welcome. I just want you to know I was loving you endlessly. Take care

1st of September. September starts.

Whats new sweetheart? I hope you are fine. And you are my hope. Had a long ride today morning. I remembered you a lot. Remember how we were talking to each other early morning? How I was chatting with you? I left home around 4am. You get up around 5am. First thing you did was wishing me a good morning. Well... I miss that time a lot. Remember how we were walking in Colombo road sides? Remember the time when I had no vehicle? We were taking walks and busses. May be that was the best part of our story. Sometimes you might say thats the worst time of your life. I know the pain inside sweetheart. I have to this. Im a bad persson but I did love you Baba. I will keep loving you forever. Take care.