1st of August 2019

I dont know how painful it would be for me someday. I definitely understand that you would proceed in your way. Yes, I know you have to move on. I wish you best things Baba. You know and you have the experience of the worst things(Me). You will be happy after all the negative things. After a dark perior you will see light. I dont hate you Baba. I Dont have a jealousy. I have my feelings toward you. I only have love for you. I know Im too messed up to make things correct. Im too late to make things better. But I would never be late to love you. So I will keep my love forever Baba. Someday you might feel. (Never felt? Im not angry Baba. May be Im too much fake to be a lover) I have to say I loved you a lot. I will love you forever. I miss you a lot Baba. Take care sweetheart. 

31st July 2019-2nd post.( Day dreams. )

Hello Baba. Hope you are fine. Second post today but a brief one. I took a nap and I saw you in a dream sweetheart. You were near a pond. There were huge lotus in the middle. You were smiling for some reason. There was a bird singing on a tree which was nearby. Everything seemed so familiar. I dont know where was it. All around was so greenish. Okay Baba please take care. My eyes are wet. I miss you. 

31st of July 2019.

Many problems and issues but I keep myself running baby. I will not say what are those issues. I have to admit that nothing is right. I think you are in the bus unless someone giving you a ride. My head keeps screaming your name. My heart does the same. As im already forgotten, you won't feel me. Thats okay. I deserve pain and chaos Baba. I deserve to suffer. I deserve the the bad part. I keep wishing you the best though. May you be healthy and happy!. May you be loved!. May you be even beautiful! Each night and each morning you are the first person comes to my mind. Though Im a bad person, I have lots of love for you sweetheart. You will think all these are nonsense. Definitely you will convince your self to think so. I will not be angry with you for that. Please be safe. Please stay happy. I love my little Angel forever. Take care. 

30th July 2019. 2nd post of the day.

July ends Baba. Time passes. I know you are moving on. I feel that. I dont have any anger or a jealousy. Im totally broke without your love. Thats a wealth which I had. I lost it because of my elvil character. I know someday (soon) you will take someone's hand. My heart will burst in to pieces. I deserve it baba. I deserve pain than anything else. Dont worry about me. I wish you everything but the best. I wish you all the love and happiness. Its not easy to make this wish. I will not stop my love too. I will keep my love with me. I will let it grow bigger and even bigger. I will never ever forget you. You are the best thing happened to me (I know Im the worst thing happened to you) i miss you a lot. Take care sweetheart. 

30th July 2019. (Time and us)

You are on the way to work. Forget me if you are in pain Baba. I wont blame for that. Im trapped with in an endless pain. It aches always. Specifically my heart aches. Physically and sometimes emotionally my heart aches. I will promise you that I wont  forget you forever. I never wanted to forget you. I never tried to forget you. Sweetheart remember the time when you were writing a good morning message? Thats the best time of my life. I will remember you forever as the angel who made my life worthy. Time will pass. Its a strong phenomenon no one can stop it. And it waits for no one. I dont know where would I be ended up. What I wanted to tell you someday is that I love you a lot. What I wanted to tell was also the same. I hope your mother and father also doing fine. I miss you Baba. Take care. 

29 July 2019 (Early Morning)

Got up early. Felt like Im missing something belongs to me. Well, I dont have to teach my self what am I missing. Went out and pourd water to our plants (belongs to You and I). I wish they will be huge trees someday. My love/our love will be the same.( im not urging to remember me Baba). Can you remember Baba? each morning you went to cook. I was trying to call you when you are cooking. I went mad. Because times you specifically not answered. You kept the phone somewhere there, I was online screaming. You didnt hear becase the connection was established but the phone was kept on a table but not with you. Im not angry sweetheart. I remembered today morning because around 5.00am today came a call from work. On the way to the workplace, I remembered you. I remembered our past. I remembered our love. I helped a person earlier this morning. I was so annoyed because of  the early morning call, but later I remember your words "Baba dont be upset. you are going there to help people". I think I did my job well. May the tripple gems bless you for inspiring me. Actually Its your phrase of inspiration keeps helping these people. I miss you Baba. I miss you so badly. I love you.

28th July 2019 (Sundays)

A sunday morning Baba. I know by now you are sleeping like a little angel. I wish I could stay besides you. May be looking at your eyes. How you breath. May to feel the fragrance of your hair. I loved a lot to look at your talking and smiling eyes sweetheart. Im not sure, may be you have other plans today. I remember most of the time your mother remained at home in Sundays. It was a little difficult to talk and chat. If I came home by bus Sunday is the day to leave home for work. I was sick and sad in Sundays Baby. Because I had to leave you. Now I feel sad always. Time changed a lot of things. Anyway I have all your sweet memories with me. I miss you so much. Take care. 

27th July 2019. (Healing)

July is going to be ended. Time passes Baba. I know Im being forgotten. People say time heals everything. If you checked the meaning of "heal", the word is basically describing the healing of wounds(similar meaning). Well, in our case aren't we wounded too? You are severely wounded because you loved me.(i know you will not have love for me this life. You will not try to remember our love either.) Im wounded too. We are morally wounded. Our souls are wounded. Both of us are casualties of love. I know your pain Baba. Well, they said time heals everything. If it works, you will forget me forever. I will be someone forgotten forever. Anyway you will never notice, I will live in a dark corner in your heart.( people forget, but some memories subconsciously live.) From my side I dont want to recover. I want to simply keep all our love and memories.(I dont care how would I he suffered) I want to love you further(knowing that im the worst lover ever). I will miss you Baba. I will love you forever. (By the way today is a Saturday. I will remember our memories in Saturdays.)

26th July 2nd post. (Evenings and memories)

I remembered you. Im just after my evening work. Remembered how you come out from the workplace exactly at 4.06pm. I was desperately waiting for a call from you. I loved you then a lot. I love you today even. I will keep my love tomorrow and for the rest of this Sansara. Im so sorry Baba. I miss you a lot. I never meant to see a love story like our one. I will live for you. I will remain a broken person forever. 16.32pm. I think you are getting closer to your home. I miss you. Take care Baba. Please be safe. 

26 July 2019 (lives)

Sweetheart how are you? Baba again a friday. Hope you remember how I rushed through rural roads in great speeds. I hope you remember how I was talking with you while driving. I always had love you to baba. And I always will. I remember you once planned to visit me too. You planned to organize a trip. Things not happened but I remember them all. May be you have forgotten many things. I felt sometimes. Im not urging to remember me. Im just explaining how difficult is it for me to go through my miserable life. I was always ran through the wrong roads I guess. I dont think loving you is a mistake. I think Baba we have met before. We were lovers for long time. All the moments we had were so familiar and so refreshing. Baba we were lovers for many lives. Trust me. Im so sorry for hurting you (my little princess) . I never had such hard intentions. I was just a helpless soul. Im too messed up. I couldn't help falling in love with you. I still love you.  I miss you Baba. 

25th July 2019. (Time and privileges)

If you are going by bus to the work. While Im writing this you are taking your bus. Or may be you are already getting a lift to work. I couldn't give you a ride to the work sweetheart, but I collected you after work and drop you at home. I have had that privilege. I remember how we cuddled in my vehicle at road side. Remember the park closer to temple? Im not giving the names of the places here. I sweet was the fragrance of your hair and skin. I lived in that fragrance (im telling you this not in a bad mind. I miss you Baba.) I loved to have time with you. I had no minute which I couldn't give to you. I was desperately waiting to talk to you. Then I was waiting to see you. I miss ypu Baba. And I love you forever.

24th July 2019.

How are you Manika? Hope you are fine. Writing this around 6.40am. I feel things Baba. I feel the way im being forgotten. When you see no value in me, that would be much easier to forget me. For me it is the other way. I see everything in you. I will live this life with the eternal memories of you. You would say that Im talking nonsense. Its okay. If I get anotuer chance to see you, that would be my luck. I dont trust in luck. You were always a good person to me Baba. You were the best. You will always be. You loved me like I was a gem. I was a devil too. I love you baba. Im totally a junk. I love you even though, im the creepiest person you have ever seen. Dont I have a right to love you sweetheart? I miss you so much.
Please be safe. Please stay happy. 

23 July 2019. (A dream came true)

Im writing this around 6.46am. Well you are on your way to workplace(yes if you travel by bus. Or if someone drops you there, im wrong). I hope you are fine Baba. I saw you in my dreams last night. You were wearing a bue color dress. I think it had a collar with purple color flowers. You were at a shop. I suddenly saw you. You were smiling at once. I rushed to you and grab your hands. Thank you Baba. Thanks for at least coming to that little shop in my dreams. I missed you a lot. I think thats why you decided to visit me in my dreams. You are my little angel. Not everyone has the ability to love cruel minds like mine. That is the reason why I called you an angel. I dont see a value, purpose and a goal of this little life. Im desperately waiting(no baba dont worry. As I promised I will never disturb you again. I will keep my word. I love you a lot) please take care. 

22 July 2019

I miss you a lot Baba. I think you are on your way to work. Im starting to write this around 6.42am. I hurt you a lot. You made steps to keep away from pain. Thats why im being forgotten this way. I never hate you for forgetting me. I never be angry with you for forgetting me. You are the most loved. How come I hate you? You are my breath and the life. I remember your mother also. She was a lovely and caring mother Baba. I haven't met your father. I definitely felt your mother's care Baba. Please keep her safe. Take her to those clinics. Make sure that she takes her drugs and treatments right time. She always wanted to make your life better. Thats why she was working a lot (I guess so). Dont let her to get sick. I hope everyone is fine. Takecare Baba. Will write again. 

21 July 2019 (sunday evening)

Hope you are fine sweetheart. End of the week. Time passes. I know you will move away someday and there will be no memory about me. I dont want force you to remember the worse thing happened to you. Worse thing happened was me. I dont know how to manage my pain. Im just trying to make  my self numb to pain. I wish I could succeed. Remember the beautiful evenings we met and had walks? Remember the chats were doing? Everything seems like a beautiful dream. Im so wrong referring to my way of loving. I know I have totally messed up. Im a messed up soul baba. Im so so crappy. Im sorry. I miss you. Take care Baba. 

20th July 2019. (Moon Landing)

Hello sweetheart. Started to write this around 6.42am. Today you are not going to work unless you have no other plans. Well im not insulting sweetheart. I know you might have reasons to leave home and take a walk. You have someone else who is far better than me. Im sure. I don't have a jealousy in your success Baba. What I always ask and wish is your success. I wish everything good to my little angel. How can I be a rival? I loved you so much and I still do. Saturdays are so special to us. Thats the only day which I could see you. I was waiting to see you. I was driving like a wind to see you. I was so desperate to see you. Thats why I directly came to your office. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could walk with you again. I know im already forgotten now. I miss you Baba. Take care. 

19th July 2019

A friday Baba. I wish I could travel to Colombo and meet you. Remember how I travelled to meet you? It was more than 200km Baba. I still remember how fast did I travel in the day you got ill and hospitalised. I almost met with 2 accidents.(thank god I could stop my vehicle.) I remember everything what happened that day and evening of the day. What a sad view to be seen. You were in a hospital bed. I couldn't hold my breath, I kind of ran to my vehicle and cried there. Im not weak Baba. Just I couldn't bare the pain of seeing you ill. Im writing this around 6.45am. I think you are going to work by this time. I hope you have better plans for weekends. I miss you sweetheart. Love you always. 

18th July 2nd post

I remembered you Baba. I know I have to take this pain. Loving and living in pain. Is that our story? I know how you felt Baba. Dont thing that I didnt feel you. I felt your pain always. I went outside and poured some water to our plants. There are few plants which I have planted in your birthdays. I miss you sweetheart. Love you. 

18th July 2019. (Why)

I know times has come for you to go forward. I have no objection sweetheart. Im just having a pain because I was that unlucky to lose you Baby. I have felt that the way Im being forgotten. Same time I know you have to move on. What you are doing isn't wrong. I wish your happiness Baba. (Remember how I was asking from you, "are you happy today?") I was a person who was waiting to see a smile in your beautiful face. I still do love to see you smile. Im writing this around 6.45am. You are already on your bus. What a beautiful time when were walking in torington and related areas. I still do remember sweetheart. That junction we met together. How those places changed our lives. How love came to us. Why the love was that late to come to us? Why we didn't meet earlier? Thousands of questions remain. I still love you Baba. 

17th July 2019. (Lunch Break)

Im in a greater pain Baba. I miss you a lot. Dont blame me for writing the same thing sometimes Baba. Those are feelings tumbling in my mind and head. I wish I could talk and tell you about my pain.(I won't talk Baba. Because I know you are now forgetting all the bad memories. So Im the worst memory/dream you have ever seen in your life. I know my memory have to be deleted for some extent) writing this around 12.00pm Baba. 30 minutes prior to your lunch break. I remember how you went with others to take the lunch. You came back soon. By 12.45 you are with me in a call. I remember all those things. Im living in them. You will notice or not Im living inside you sweetheart. I love you forever. Eyes are wet, that Bamboo tree in the previous post is even taller today. My love is growing. Take care Baba. 

අපේ ආදරය.

මේ ලිපිය අද ලියන්නම හිතුන. මම ඔයත් එක්ක ඉන්න කාලෙදිම ගහක් ගෙනත් හිටවල සාත්තු කලා. ඒක පසු කාලෙක ඔයාගේ උපන්දිනයක් දවසකදී හිටෙව්වා මගේ නිළ නිවාසයට නුදුරින්ම. ඒක හෙමින් හෙමින් ලොකු වෙලා දැන්. ලඟදි බලනකොට එකේ ලොකු අත්තක්/ගොබයක් ලියලනවා. මම හිටෙව්වේ ඒක ඔයාගේ නමින් ඔයාගේ උපන් දිනය දවසකදී. අපි වෙන් උනත් අපේ ආදරේ පවතීවි බබා. අපි වෙන් වුනත් ඒ ගහ ලියලනවා. ඒ අපේ ආදරේනම් ඒ ලියලන්නේ අපේ ආදරේම තමා කියල මට හිතෙනවා. ඔයා මට බනිවි ගස් හිටවන්නද අපි ආදරේ කලේ කියල. නැහැ බබා. මමත් ගොඩක් අසරණ වුණා. ඔයා හැම අතින්ම අසරණ උනා මම ඒක නොදන්නවා නෙවේ. මම දන්නවා. මමයි වැරදි. හැබැයි මට ඔයාට ආදරේ කරන්න බැරිද බබා? මමත් ඔයාට ගොඩක් ආදරෙයි. මම ගොඩක් වැරදියි. මට සමාවෙන්න. සමාව දෙන්න බැරි බවත් මම දන්නවා. ඒ වුනත් මම තරහ නැහැ. මම හැමදාම සාත්තු කරලා ඒ ලියලන්නේ අපේ ආදරේම තමා කියල මම විස්වාස කරනවා. මම ඔයාට හැමදාම ආදරෙයි. මම එදත් අදත් හෙටත් තුන් කලටම ඔයාට ආදරෙයි. හොඳින් ඉන්න රත්තරන්. එකේ පින්තූර පහල තියෙනවා. කවදාහරි ඔයා දැක්කොත් බලන්න.මේක දැන් මටත් වඩා උසයි. ඒ අපේ ආදරේ.

15th July 2019.

I think you are already in the bus. I just remembered you Baba. I remembered how we were talking to each other till 8am. Ypu are entering to your workplace around 7.30am. I still follow your schedule Baba. Baba I know I have been forgotten. Someday I will be a stranger to you. I have to/I must accept these pains. Im such a cruel soul. First you will forget me for a minute, then for aan hour, for a day, for a week and for a month. Like wise it will be happened. Only thing what I have to say someday is, that I always loved you. I won't cry for my life Baba. Im much disgusted about my life. I miss you a lot. I have no ways to express my pain. I cry sometime secretly at my workplace. I feel free there because I have a personal area there. I wish your success sweetheart. I haven't forgotten all my promises. I will keep them forever. If I leave this little life earlier, what I want you to remember (im forgotten but incase) would be  that I loved you a lot and I was in pain. I miss you. 

14th July Sunday

How are you sweetheart? A sunday today. Usually you slept somewhat more in Sundays. Sometimes I was nervous about that. Because you weren't answering to chats or calls. when I go back to work a Sunday was a tragedy to me. Because I have to take a leave from you and go to work. That 220km felt like 220000km to me. I was sad and I felt like I was broken when I left Colombo in Sunday evenings. Yes we were talking throughout the journey but that stress of leaving you ignited my emotions. Thats how we had fights on my way to work. Yes sometime you said things which hurt me. (Im was helpless only baba .or otherwise I never tried to take revenge from you Baba. You are the most beautiful and the adorable one I have seen in my life. How come I take a revenge?) I miss you. Take care your self sweetheart. Will write again. 

13th July 2019 2nd post (stay safe)

Its raining. Baba remember? Both you and I got ill during a rainy season. I dont have to repeat this or keep telling. Dengue has no treatment. Please sweetheart stay safe. I dont want to go through that pain again. Please stay healthy. I miss you. I wish I could tell you this. I wish your safety and good health baba. Take care. 

13th of June.

Good morning Baba. I hope you are fine. I think you are at home. Or may be you are going for a walk today. I know you have to. Im not angry. I remembered how we were holding each other's hands and walked. How joyful was it Baba? I spent a life time within that little period. Remember how we were chatting and smiling? Last night I was looking at your first gift to me. Remember baba? A crystal ball you gave to me. I was thinking of you a lot. I have it with me always like a precious gem. It makes sure that I remember you always. I filled the fountain pen you gave to me with ink. I miss you a lot Baba. I know you have better and much important things to look after now. I know you are ready take someone's hand(I feel that).  Someday you have to. Person you loved more than your life left you.(im so sorry Baba. You are my angel. I never wanted or intended to hurt you. Baba I love you always. Im so crappy. And I dont know what to do. I never knew what should I do. I walked away Like a feeling less person. No baba I was totally broken. My heart and values died in the day I walked away. Im sorry. I still love you. Remember you are the most loved one this world.) Baba how come, you are in front of my eyes when I close my eyes. You always come. And I tried to come to your dreams and at least see you more there. May be you think all these words are nonsense. Its okay Baba. Remember I love you a lot. I miss you too. Please stay safe in roadsides. Take care. 

12th june 2019 3rd post. Baba im in pain. These nights are too long

Im in pain my Manika. I miss you a lot. I have no other way  express my pain except this blog. Please Remember I was crying tonight. A July 12th, I was with wet eyes. I miss you. I love you too. Take care Baba. All our memories are with me.

12th July 2nd Post. (Pain comes. We will see pain!!!)

I remembered you a lot for some reason again. I was totally emotional. Well, I got my friendly chest pain again. Baba, I do everything to remember you. I lived in a corner of your heart. Im so so so crappy. Im so so so ugly. I was so so.... cruel to you. I miss you a lot. Yesterday I saw you in a dream. I dont know about my future Baba. Someday please remember you were the last thing remembered in my last moment also. I miss you. 

12 June 2019. (Wrote this around 6.40am, Today is a friday)

Time passes so quickly. Time cant change my love Baba for sure. I was helpless in my situation. I love you. I was totally a crappy decision maker and You got hurt. Im trapped with the pain forever. Baba today a friday. Assume, what if we could meet today? Baba will you ask me to come to your workplace? Will we travel together to your place? Surely we will plan the Saturday. Im hurt too Baba. I remember all these things. Remembering you isn't a disturbance to me. When I remember that you are far and we are apart my heart fills with pain. Can you remember how we eat Sushi? Can you remember we were dining in Burger King? We were taking selfies. You took hundreds of selfies. I was so happy to see that innocent beautiful smile. I was blessed with my little angel. Now I cant even see you. I love you forever Baba. Take care. 

11th July 2019 (all of me loves all of you)

I have a smile om my face sometimes but im not happy. Im wearing my mask of smile. I have to say again and again how I remember you sweetheart. You are the only force keeps me running and functioning. I miss you a lot. Everyday I get up around 5.ooam. thats the time you used to send me a "good morning" greeting. Im following the same daily routine since we walked away from each other. (To be more accurate, Since I walked away from you.) I still remember how you wrote to me in your last few messages "Baba you are hurting me". My heart was bursting in to pieces reading that message. I died that day Baba. My heart died that day. I have become a senseless and feeling less person since then. That was a huge trauma to me. Baba how come I see silently, when my most beloved person crying in pain? Im such a bastard, I hide my tears and stayed like a stone. All are my faults Baba. I think you have forgotten all our promises too. Please Baba my last request to you was "live for me". Please Baba didnt mean living for my benefits. Keep your promise please. I want you to live longer. I think I won't have much time. Im totally okay with that. I miss you a lot. And I love you too. Someday If I had to go, you will not remember me. You will not know. This is the only place where I expressed my feelings. I dont know wether you will be able to read or know my feelings. I deserve this pain sweetheart. If you remember me someday, please remember my last breath even sang your name. I miss you. Im breaking in to tears. Ooh god. I loved you and I love you. Take care your self Baba. 

10th July 2nd Post. (Happiness)

I remembered you Baba. Time is 3.00pm. At 3.30pm you will come out for a snack. Im following the same routine. I miss you each and every minute. I feel the way im being forgotten. I hope you have found better things in life which could make you so much happier. Soon I will not be even a memory. I think Im the worst thing happened to you. And im in pain for being the worst lover. People dont feel whether is it autumn or winter when they are happy. I was so happy with you. Im so much grateful to you for loving me. I will love you forever too. I miss you baba

10th July.

Im starting to write this around 6.36am Baba. As usual. I think you are ready to go to work. Im remembering you, with a constant pain in my heart. My way was wrong I guess. Loving you was a wrong thing? Im totally messed up. I still remember how you said once "baba why we didnt meet even earlier?". Yes Baba. We could have met even earlier. We should have met even earlier. If I did meet you earlier I wouldn't be this crappy fellow who hurt you the most. Im totally lost in my path. I see nothing right. I dont see positive things anymore Baba. I dont see my value. I dont see a value in me. I dont see anything right Baba. I think, with my own way of loving and leaving you alone have cracked my soul. Im beyond broken sweetheart. Im no longer a human, I feel so. Im constantly fighting my life and thoughts. I dont see a future in me. I dont understand Baba. Sweetheart remember someday! I always have love for you. I always loved you. My head is full of your memories. Many memories comes to my mind. I should hide my eyes. I miss you.

9th July 2nd Post.

I remembered the day we ate Sushi together. I miss those times. Above all I miss you. Im a crappy lover. I do have love. I will save my love to you. I miss you Baba. 

9th July 2019. (Faith)

Im writing this around 6.50am. Probably you are on the office suttle. I remember everything. How we were chatting while you were travelling? Can you remember? Remember after some fights I have requested you to get off from the bus? It  was not because I hate you. Because you gave me pains. You promised not to go to work. But you secretly tried to go to work. And day you tried to travel with Shani akka. She always undermined you. I never liked her. I miss you. We had fights, but always found a way to love too. I know Sweetheart already forgotten them. I wish I could prove my love. Now im keeping my faith in our love. I know I have love in my heart for you. Trust me or not I will keep my love for my sweetheart forever. I miss you a lot Baba. Please take care. 

8th July 2nd post. (I have to suffer)

I think you are on your way. I remember you always. I feel so bad. Definitely I have to be suffered for torturing you. I miss you a lot. I cant see you and I cant hear you. I have no other way to express my pain. Take care Baba. 

8th July 2019

Baba if you could tell me what you would suggest to my pain? I dont know Sweetheart. Remembered how you loved to eat cheese Pasta. I remembered your choices. I remembered our walks at Water's edge. Its okay Baba, if you have already forgotten. I know you did it because you have the same pain. I dont see a value in life. I dont see a goal in my life. Im troubled emotionally. Baba, remembered how we went on shopping. Remember how we went to watch movies? Remember how you feed me? You cared me a lot. I miss you much. I love you a lot too. (Always remember Baba, I keep my love for you until my last Breath. I will be searching for you whole universe. I love you forever.)

7th July 3rd post. (Actually it is 8th July. Im posting this around 12 am.)

Writing for the third time. Im in too much pain Baba. Not only because I love you but because I hurt the one I love. I know you went through the same pain. You were crying. I thought thousand times. I dont know how to proceed with the pain. Tonight I will try to reach you in my dreams. I remember the long journey on the bus which I took every Sunday. I was talking with you till I reach my workplace. All the memories are with me. My eyes are wet. I miss you. I dont know what to do. Take care Baba. Love you. 

7th July 2nd post

Baba. Im in pain. I dont know how to go through this. I keep remembering you. I miss you a lot. I wosh I could see or at least hear you. Its okay anyway sweetheart. I know you went through hell when I walked away. I felt you were crying. Im a stone. Im So sorry Baba. Saying sorry in love is the hardest thing. I love you forever 

7th of July.

God I dont know how I manage this pain. I cant bare this. Im just ignoring my pain. This hurts me a lot. Baba what should I do? I will never forget you sweetheart. You are in pain. May he thats why you are forgetting me. I can't forget you Baba. Thats my fundamental policy. Im in love with you. I dont have a way to forget you. I dont know what should I do Baba. I never spoke to you because I didnt want to hurt you again. Baba I never intended to hurt you. Remember I was like a child asking you "are you happy?". I liked to see you smiling. I liked to see your happiness. Baba I love you more than everything. Im just a crappy person. Im sorry. I miss you.

Always yours.

Baba, Someday when you need to be pain free, forget me completely. I never blame you. Never. Im in pain forever. Forever. Forever in pain because im trapped in this character. Forever in pain because I hurt you. Remember I wish you all the very best always. Alway. I miss you so much. Im mad. Im jist living in your memories. Note this! I lived my whole life within you. Take care sweetheart. Forever loving. Always yours. 

6th of July. (How I cried like a child)

Baba. How are you sweetheart? Its a Saturday!. Im writing this around 6.50am. What if we could meet baba? (Assume, I will not come and hurt you. I promise. I will keep my words. And as I promised I will not ever breach your privacy. I never insult you Baba) well, If this could be a day when we can meet, Im leaving home around 7.00am. I miss you so much baby. I could cry like a river. Some memories easily bring me tears. Im hiding them always. Recently I came near torington, I specifically went and look the place where were sitting remember? near the LOWI trees. I dont know how much tears came to my eyes. I couldn't bare the feeling. Im so bad person Baba. Im the worst lover ever. Im bad I know, but I loved you so much too. I will love my angel forever. Im so much broken Baba. I miss you. I will live in you. I will live inside your memories. Take care Baba.

5th of July

Hope you are fine sweetheart. I dont know why all these happened to us. Im in killing pain. I know you are in the same pain. I sense your pain Baba. I have no other way of expressing my feelings at the moment. Baba If I was such opportunistic would I be suffer in an excruciating pain? I loved you always and I will love you always. I dont know the meaning of life. A life with a pain. And the pain because of love. People love each other separated. Im so so frustrated. I clearly know I was wrong. Baba but I love you very much too. My feelings of love are genuine. Sadly I was a demon or a devil. Even the devil fell in love with you. You will be my angel forever. Please Remember someday when I leave this world, I would be thinking about you. I miss you baba. 

ජුලි 4 යවන දෙවන ලිපිය.

අද රැ මම ඉන්නවා බබා ඔයාව මතක් කරන ගමන්. මම ඔයාගේ හදවතේම කොනක ජිවත් වෙන්නේ ඔයාට නොදැනෙන්න. මම හැමදාම මතක් කරනවා මගේ පන. මට ඕන තරමක් බනින්න. මම දන්නවා අපේ ආදර කතාවේ ගමන ලෙහෙසි නැහැ කියල. මමයි වැරදි බබා. මට ඔයාව නිතර මතක් වෙනවා. අද රාත්‍රියේ ගොඩක් මතක් උනා. ඇතිවෙච්ච වේදනාව, මේදක්වා දරාගෙන ඉන්න වේදනාව මෙච්චරක් කියල කියන්න බැහැ. මට ඔයාව පෙනෙන්නෙත් නැහැ. දකින්නත් නැහැ. මම ඔයාට බනින්නේ නැහැ සුදු. මම ඉතින් දරාගෙන ඉන්නම්. ආදරේ වෙනසක් වෙන්නේ නැහැ. නපුරුම ආදරේ කරලා තියෙන්නේ මම. එත් මම ආදරෙයි. හොඳින් ඉන්න රත්තරන්.

4th July

Started to write this around 6.20am.  I remembered you a lot last night. Definitely you were in my dreams. At least I could meet you in my dream. I think im lucky. Offered flowers today morning to Buddha, and remembered you also. I wish I could visit a temple with you as we planned. Im sorry Baba. Kandy, Jungle beach, Sembuwatta and the temple. I think you are taking some breakfast at home. And soon you will go out to take the bus. I hope everything is fine with you. Yea sure I know you are in pain. So do I baba. I dont know baba will I be able to talk to you again. I dont want to hurt you further. Well please someday if you remember me, think I had a lot of love for you. I will keep my love for you forever. I never rung you because I dont want to confuse and hurt you further. I miss you so badly. That smile on your face. Please take care your self Baba. 

3rd July.

I had a severe headache and a chest tightening like sensation Baba. I couldn't write in the morning. I remembered you though as usual. We are getting older. Im being forgotten. Time is passing. You are getting far and far. Im living with my memories. Im helpless. Remember my sweetheart! Yes im the one hurt you the most. Im the one loving you the most. I never tried to harm you.. you are my little angel forever. I loved you like I was mad. Yet I love you because you are my driving force in life. I miss you but I can only remember our memories. Walk through those memory lanes. Im doing that daily. I wish I could see you, but im not that lucky. You even deleted me from each and every possible thing. Im not angry. Im just in pain. Take care. 

I miss you Baba

Remember I did some photographs for you? Remember one Baba which captured a sunset at a national wildlife park? Im looking at sunset again. You came to my minds. Evenings at water's edge also so beautiful. I miss you a lot Baba. 

2nd June 2019

Im writing this around 6.30am. You are already stepping out from the home. I wish I could see you Baba. Same time I remember I dont have a right to do so. Im the one who brought bad in to your life (i guess). Same time a pain arises in my heart. Love is so painful. Im sorry Baba. Loved my little angel like I was a mad man. I still do love. Never knew the pain. Baba I love you forever. Remember how I came to your workplace? Remember how I hug you? I miss you Baba. You will cry in pain and say that I didnt love you. What I can say is, I still love you. I don't know how to forget you. Even if I knew I will not forget you. Sweetheart hope you are fine. Hope Mother and father also doing fine. I miss you.