1st of November 2019.

Days passing so quickly. Its hard to feel this way. Im in pain sweetheart. I dont have Any other way to express my pain. I cant see you. I cant hear you either. What I can do is keep loving you. I will keep my faith in you. I will love you forever Baba. If Im a criminal minded person, Would I feel this way? If my intention was cheating on you, would I feel this pain? I never intended to hurt you Baba. I only wanted to love you. Love you as much as I can. Make you happy was my happiness. Now I miss you a lot. I remember you a lot. Im hiding within a darkness and a silence. Only thing which I could try is keep my faith in you. Same way loving you. I hope you are fine.
Please take care your self Baba. 

31st October 2019.

Got up around 4.55am and slept again. Heavy rains here thesedays. I remember our beautiful past. It was like yesterday. 2 years gone. Long time no see. I have an Image of you in my mind like a beautiful portrait picture. When I close my eyes I see you. I will keep devoted to our love. I will keep all our memories with me. I will not forget those beautiful moments. Writing this around 7.00am again. You are probably on your way to work. I miss you a lot Baba. I wish to see you. I know im not that much privileged person now. Anyway I dont have an intention to come in front of you and hurt you further. I will keep you inside me. I will try my best to live inside you. I can do that. I will wait. I will love you forever. Please be safe. Tc.

30th October 2019

How are you sweetheart? I hope you are fine. See how quickly the time passing. Amazing this year also ends. Sure time is a machine. I can feel/understand the time line of being forgotten. 2019 that year you were thinking of is ending. I know what will come in next place. I dont hate or I dont feel a jealousy to you. Definitely I cant forgive faults in my hands. I hurt you. You suffered a lot. Now its my turn to suffer. This shouldn't go this way. I intended you. What I believe that I could meet you someday. My heart is with you. Anyway I will keep loving you Baba. I know Im about to lose my last grip from your memory. I promise to keep you in my heart forever. I miss you a lot. 

29th October 2019.

Started to write this around 6.42 am. You are walking toward the bus stop. I wish I could take that privilege to travel with you. I remember how you planned to visit Maldives with me. I told okay. And again asked "how about France?". I miss those moments with you. I dont hear your sweet voice now. I remember how you recorded some songs and let me listen to them. My eyes are getting wet when I remember the history. Pain aggregate or persist long when I remember those moments. Im in pain Baba. I know im the wrong guy. I know I made the mess. Yet Im im pain. And Im in love with you. I hope you are fine sweetheart. I miss you a lot too. Please take care your self. Theruwan saranayi. 

28th October 2019

Writing this in a big disappointment. I dont know will this last long. Im in a total disappointment. About me and about everything. I wish this isnt the story I needed. Or the script of my life. Im going through very tough time. I miss you a lot. I will write to you in the evening again. 

27th October 2019

May be you just got up. Sundays you took more rest. May be you are taking walks in Sundays also. You might think Im your fake lover Baba. I think Im not. I was too messed up to love. Im helpless and in pain. I didnt just fell in to love. I felt you Baba. I felt good things about you. I felt that you are a good character. Then I started to love you. I wish I could meet you early. If it happened, so I wont mess up my life this way. I just want to hold your hand and love you endlessly. After all Im not that lucky this time. Im sure the person who takes your hand would be the luckiest guy on earth. I know I was about to be that person. Im yours too baba. Blame me enough. Anyway I belong to you. And you belong to me. I will wait whatever the time. I want to love you. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. I miss you a lot Baba. 

26th October 2019.

Good morning sweetheart. How are you? I hope you are fine. Rainy days. Anyway you might planning for a walk today. We walked even in rains. I dont have that right to hold your hand now. Anyway I have to say that I miss you a lot. Im delighted to keep loving you. You are a shining star in the dark to me. You are a lamp in the night to me. Daily Im keep remembering our past. I keep remembering good things about us. (I know im not good). Dont you remember we donated money and food to poor people? Remember it. Yes we did it. Our love made other people also happier. Something good we did together. I will keep writimg daily. Im not sure about a chance to show my thought to you, which I have written here. Sweetheart I lived broken heart. I promise that I will keep loving you. Take care Baba.

25th October 2019

Writing this in the morning. A week passed. Time is running like a bullet train. So does the life. I know you are forgetting me. I feel a big disappointment when I remember whats going to happen next. I have to stay this side of the river and see how you are leaving. I have to keep silent. I want to say I love you. But I know im not privileged. Im not allowed. Soon you will take the hand of your beloved person. I will not disturb you Baba. I will not hurt you this time. I will wait. This time I will wait. You thing this is the first time we met? No sweetheart. No. We have met before. Many times. You dont remember. We are such a long time partners, travellers and lovers. I will keep waiting for you. I will wait whatever the time it takes. Im to messed up to come and claim you. But if it is a necessity I will come forward. I miss you a lot. For the sake of love I will remain silent. Please take care your self. Today is a friday. Many memories.

24th October 2019

Writing this around 3.15 pm. Soon you will come out for the evening snack. These days are rainy. Sweetheart dont forget we both got ill from a fever. So dont get caught ill with dengue. Beware about your surroundings. Im continuing to write this and the time is 4.36. I think you are already on your way home. Or may be just got off from the bus. I miss you a lot sweetheart. Each and every day without you is a torture to me. But I will keep my trust in love. I will keep loving you. When there is no hope we trust the love I guess. I hope you are fine Baba. Im doing a 24 hour duty. All together im covering a 48 hour round. I hope you remember how I took 72 hour and 96 hour duties to see you in weekends. Im happy when I remember that time. Take care.

23rd October 2019

Writing this around 6.42am. I know you are taking the short walk to the bus now. I have a mind full of love to you Baba. I will not have the chance or the privilege to express it to you. But my heart knows how much I love you. Only I know this. I know a day soon will come to forget the last available memory about me. I dont ask or urge you to keep a last memory about me. I have all the memories with me. I will live my little lifetime with my memories. Nothing will be ever forgotten. And there will be time which we could meet again. I will keep my trust/faith in love. Im not a person who deserve love. I know Baba. So let it be. Let me suffer enough. I promise that I will find you someday. I will make you my queen. I will crown you and hold your hand. I miss you a lot. 

22nd of October 2019

Started to write this around 6.30am. You are ready to come out from home I guess. How are you sweetheart? I feel like the time is rushing. Time will pass. Plans will be scheduled. You will take someone's hand. I wish everything but the best for you Baba. You went through hell. Because you loved me you got hurt. I know the pains you felt and went through. I have to go through the same amount of pain. Road ahead of me isnt so clear and definitely not an easy one. I feel nothing aboutmy self. Whatever comes to me especially my fate, I will accept. I agree the fact that I have to suffer a lot. I dont ask mercy. I dont think this suffering for me would last long. That is just a hope. By the name of our love, I will drag this broken cart/vehicle further. I remember the day we met for the first time. Thats was a beautiful day. Birds sang, vehicles were rushing. I met my queen in a urban junction. A junction in my life too.
     I will keep loving you always. Take care sweetheart. 

21 October 2019.

I started to write this around 12.20pm. Exactly the time you are coming out for your lunch. Remember the smiles, talks, chats, secrets and jokes we had together in your lunch break? I know Im a Jerk Baba. My moves made you sad. Not only sad sometimes my deeds made you to be isolated in tour work place. I was wrong I guess. I just wanted to win you. I wanted to love you much. I did that. I still love you. Yet your name and the memory is a song kept singing inside my soul. I feel I will be forgotten forever. That will happen. I dont hate you for choosing a way without pains. You deserve all the happiness. I wish I could be your happiness. I messed up all of it top to bottom. Im so so crappy. Anyway I will not stop loving you Baba. I miss you a lot. May be now you are talking with your beloved one. Im writing this. I just wanted to say that I love you. Take care. 

20 October 2019. Sunday evening.

Writing this Sunday evening. Specifically I skipped the morning letter today. Why? Just remembered our past Baba. Remember the time I left Colombo in Sundays. In the time had no vehicle. Remember sweetheart?, it was very hard to leave you. I went mad. My heart was heavy. some how I left Colombo for my job every Sunday evening. May be you dont remember now. sweetheart my Bus left at 6.00pm. Im writing this letter around 5.50pm today. Dont think that I forgot you. No I didn't forget you. Instead I tried to celebrate our memories. Now the time is 5.53pm. Here it is.. 7 minutes more. The bus leaves at 6.00pm. Baba that pain was killing me. Which pain? The pain I felt when I left in Sundays.  I remember everything sweetheart. I wish I could go back to that past. I miss you a lot. 

19th October 2019. 2nd post.

Remembered you a lot Baba. So im writing the second post also. I feel the way im being forgotten (im not accusing you sweetheart. I feel so.). Rainy seasons started. Many memories here. I can cry in the rain so no one would see my tears. Im remembering you and our love. Im remembering all the good memories we had together. NilManel in the pond is flowering. The sepalika tree is flowering. Those views and fragrance bring me the memories about you. My eyes are wet. I miss you a lot. Be safe Baba. 

19th October 2019

Time is passing sweetheart. Another morning. Another Saturday. May be you are going for a walk today. Or shopping. I want to come with you. I know Im not the person for that now. I will keep lovong to us. You and I. I will keep loving our love. Saturday mornings belonged to us. We were taking long walks. Never felt tired. Smiled and enjoyed. Such a beautiful time. Sweetheart I love you always. Doesn't matter who loves you or not. Your broken ugly lover yet loves you. I know you dont have a love or a feeling toward me. Its okay. But you cant stop me loving you. I dont have good reasons to give Baba. What I can about is the way I messed up. I wish I could hug you, kiss you and say how much I love you. May be not in this life. I know. I will keep loving you. And I wont forget you. I miss you a lot. 

18th October 2019.

How are you sweetheart? I hope you are fine. And by this time of the day you are taking a bus to work. Today is a friday. Fridays was the coolest. Fridays were so refreshing. I was rushing through greenish roads to see you. Sometimes I was trying to reach you between 4pm and 5pm. Those days were beautiful. Writing this also this morning remembering all the love we had together. (I know now the term probably you are using is fake love). I wasnt fake in love Baba. I was so crappier in many moves and decisions I made. Im so sorry. I love you a lot. I know I will not be able to writie each and every morning. Someday I will not be here to write. I hope that day you will come to see me. For a one last good bye. I miss you a lot. 

17th October 2019.

I started to write this in early morning. Since Im following my old routine. I got up around 4.55am as usual. I know I will not see a good morning message. I know sweetheart you will not be able to greet me that way. Two years ago, I was desperate to see that message. I was waiting to receive that message. After some times I began to wake you up around 5am. I hope you remember. I began to ring you and wake you up. Best days of my life. Remember sweetheart? May be forgotten. Its okay then. Im not forcing you to remember me or those moments. Anyway I will be a forgotten person in the future. Kind of painful but I have to accept what to come. I have to accept the the things which meant to happen. What I want to say is that I would keep loving you always. I will breath my last breath loving you. Take care Baba. 

16th October 2019.

When you forget me someday I will be no one to you. Thats sad but I have to accept this. I hurt you, now its my turn to accept the consequences. If I love I have to know the acceptance. Thats the beauty of love. I have seen you smiling and I was happy like a child to see that. I have seen you crying, I was an idiot (I was looking). We had joy and the pain. Now you are far. Im not seeing you. I hear nothing from you. Its an strange feeling. You know why? I feel and remember things like they were happened yesterday. Someday if you take a look in to the blog remember! I was mad without you. I was missing you a lot. 

15th October 2019

Writing this ending a totally fed up 24 hour duty. Yet im so energized to write to you. You are the person who motivated me this endeavour. Remembered the headaches I had after long hour works. I think you might not remember. Once, one of my Co-workers got ill. We were two to carry out daily duties and 24 hour duties. But I definitely had to visit you in the weekends. I think thats a record. (im just telling. I dont want to talk about me a lot. But you made me strong Baba.). I took a 4 day duty (24×4). I dont have to say how hard I felt. I had a headache lasted for months after that. Thats not the only time I took long hour works to see you. I felt happy doing that. Now I remember those things. I miss you a lot. You were such a motivation to me. Love you. 

At 3pm. 14th October

Just finished my evening work. Today a 24 hour duty. Baba I remember you a lot. Soon you will come out from the office for your evening snack. May be you are yet following the same routine. I love you. Tc. 

14th October 2019

Time passes quickly. This year would be ended soon. What will be the future?. Coming year you will take the beloved person's hand. You will start a new journey. I wished to be that lucky person. I think I wasn't lucky enough. I think it's because of my character. I lost you for a while. I know and I promise sweetheart. I will find you. I will be a good person. Love you even more. I will not hurt you but make you happy more and more. I will wait and that day will come. That future will come to us. This is like sailing in an endless sea/ocean. I see no land. Only thing keeps me functioning is you. Im inspired by your words. Yesterday remembered your mother. You have a good mother. I love her too. I remember everything she did for you. She works to give you a better life. I remember the day she got ill. Remember how you messaged me. I think thats where I encountered a sentimental feeling about you. About us. That day I felt something for you. I felt like I met someone I know/I knew. Well...I know you dont remember none of them. Its okay sweetheart. I miss you a lot. Take care. 

13th October 2019

Its a sunday. I remember we have met in few Sundays also. I don't remember exactly when. May be you were taking few walks yesterday. May be today also. May be you are at home with mother. I understand, may be you have etter plans for weekends. Not like with me. We met secretly. I didn't have intentions to hurt you Baba. I felt only love toward you. In exchange I felt a lot of love from you. I was trying to give my warmth to you. I wanted to be with you forever. I wanted to make you mine. I wanted to breath every single breath in my life through your hair. I loved the fragrance of your hair. I loved the love which I received from you. Nothing about us will be forgotten Baba. I will keep our story with me forever. I will keep loving you the same way. I wish you everything but the best. I love you.

12th of October (a retrospective note)

Sweetheart I was ill. I had a respiratory tract infection with a fever. I couldn't write. I missed you a lot. 

11th October 2019

All those memories are with me. Baba please understand someday! I will remember that beautiful past belong us while im breathing my last breath. Please Sweetheart keep in mind! my heart had beaten for you since we met. My heart missed you a lot. My heart was a broken and unkind one. My heart had no understanding about love. I think the worst thing inside of me is my heart. It didnt get pain. It didnt get the real love (I love you Baba. Its how I messed up everything.). 

Since we separated I cried many nights. I felt how you cried too Baba. I never thought to leave your hand sweetheart. 

10th October 2019.

Writing this around 3.30pm. I think you came out from the office for a snack. Your face is an image in front of my eyes when I close my eyes. I dont have the real privilege to see you. Anyway I will try to feel you. I will try to imagine about you. You are my highness forever. You are my queen forever. You arey joy forever. You are my inspiration forever. I think about you always Baba. Hope you are fine. I remember you came out from the work around 4.06pm. What a joyful time we had. I was waiting for that call from you. I went mad if you didnt call me. I loved you then. And I love you now too. I will love you forever sweetheart. I remember how you made a small request to be presented at your graduation. I loved to be there. I wish all your success sweetheart. Take care your self sweetheart. 

9th of October 2019.

Writing this a little late. I was somewhat late today. I think you are already in the bus. I wish I could give a ride sweetheart. I remember the terrible things I said to you. Yes. Definitely im a real jerk. I remember how you cried. You said "you will understand this pain when you have children". I know Baba. You were right. I knew that back then too. I was just a jerk. Im sorry. Now im going through even a greater pain. This I deserve Baba. I should suffer even more. For the pain I gave to you, I should suffer beyond this. I wish you a better future sweetheart. I can feel that. I wish you the success. I wish you love. Above all I will keep loving you forever. I will not stop. I miss you a lot. 

8th of October 2019 (2nd post)

I hope you are fine Baba. Started to write this around 4.14pm. I think you are already in the bus. Im nervous sometimes when I remember the times. I want you to be safe. I miss you a lot too. Please tale care your self Baba. 

8th October 2019.

Baba. I dont know whether you remember my blog or not. If you would have a mind to check the blog/remember this someday. start to read this from the beginning! Means the posts related to you. You once interpreted this as a secret site of me. No baba I dont have such site. You can read older posts too if you are interested. And Remember if this site not being updated, I may not be alive or google has suspended blogger as a platform. Sweetheart did you delete the website which you were building for me? You know you are the one inspired me about web. Now im learning to code (slowly). If I would be successful, my story will be posted in a blog (this blog/fb.) Sadly since you left me in fb im not an active fb user either. I just visit to check the inbox sometime. I have to keep it alive. Im afraid If I dont log the page will be deleted automatically. I miss you a lot Baba. Writing this in a beautiful morning after a rain. Lot of memories for me. Take care.

7th October 2019.

Writing this around 1.30pm Baba. I remember you a lot. You are the sweetest memory inside of me. I will keep singing your name inside my heart. You are the one made me living. You came for lunch and went in to the office again around 1.pm. that routine I know very well. I will keep stuck to this routine throughout my life time. I dont know whats going to happen next. What the future will be a total uncertainty. If I would live that future I will keep loving you till the end. Not seeing you makes my life further miserable one. May be you deleted me from FB because you didnt want me to get hurt too. When you proceed in your path, you didn't want me to feel bad. I guess that was the reason to delete me. I will not offended. I promise you Baba. I will keep loving you. I miss you a lot. Take care.

6th of October 2019

A Sunday. I remember how hard was to say goodbye in Sunday evenings. Remember how I travelled back to the workplaces in Sundays? I was so upset on my way back. It was hard to leave you. I was totally mad. Mad because I loved you Baba! (I still love you). I was mad because that simple distance made me upset. I still remember the warmth of a goodbye kiss to my forehead. I still remember the love you passed to me. I never wanted to leave you behind. Sweetheart I still love you. I will not stop loving you. Remember our love will last beyond the universe. I will keep my faith in you!. I miss you a lot. Im in a greater pain. Take care sweetheart. 

5th of October 2019

How are you Baba? I hope you are fine. May be today is the day for a walk in colombo suburbs. May be with your life partner. I was that person 2 years ago. Times passed. Even I couldn't recognised the beast/devil inside me. I was so cruel. I know. I hurt you. For that I would suffer whole my lifetime. Im not asking for forgiveness. Im cruel person but I love you too. I still have the love inside of me. That love will grow bigger and bigger. It willl not get smaller. I wish everything but the best for my little angel. I miss you a lot too. I love you sweetheart. And there is a news. Remember Jayathilaka? I hope you do. One of my minor staff. He was fired from the job because of an administrative issue. I dont know about the exact reason. But he is no longer working with me. I just wrote because you called him sometimes to know about me. Its is just an info. Please take care your self Baba.

4th October 2019

4th. Would be a long busy day. Today a friday too. I remember the history behind. How I was finishing all my work early and rushing through greenish roads to see you. I was driving fast. My goal was to reach home early. In the latter part of our relationship I was trying to reach your office around 4pm. I remember the past like it was yesterday. Im writing this around 6.45am today. All my love is with you Baba. All my good wishes are with you. Im not privileged anymore to see or talk to you. I will be counting and rearranging my memories about us. I didn't meet you incidentally sweetheart. I know we have meet before. Im so sorry for being this jerk. I never intended to be this person. I will keep loving you Baba. I might get another chance. Im pain Baba. I know you went to the same pain. I will keep my faith in you Baba. You are my driving force. I miss you a lot. 

3rd Of October 2019

Started to write this around 4.55am. Got up and I remembered the good morning message. That time passed us. Yet my memory follows the same routine. There is a reason for holding you in my heart. There is a reason for remembering you always. I think you have forgotten. Yet my cruel heart loves you. Yet a cruel person loves you. I never had an intention to hurt you Baba. I never had an intention to leave you. I became a totally messed up person. I wish I could correct everything back to normal. I wish I could hold your hands and walk in the same streets in Colombo. Like we did earlier. That time was like a poem. It was like a beautiful dream. Im trying to live in that dream. I know! You will call this childish. Yes... that what happens when you love someone deeply. I loved you a lot. I will love you forever. I miss you. 

2nd of October 2019

How are you sweetheart? I hope you are fine. Baba yet you are attending to seminars in your class? (Computer school). I remember you were attention to seminars by the school/institute. I wish I could come and meet you. Walk with you. Hold your hand and and talk endlessly. Each morning and evening you are a sunshine for me. Because you come to my mind every morning and evening lime a sun. I miss you a lot. Im keeping a short note because im ill. I have a fever. Please take care.