1st of February 2020

Happy times started. You won't remember me again. Its like a ticket to a party. Anyway sweetheart you went through lots and lots of sorrows as a girl. You dont think about me. Dont you worry. Stay happy. Im the same kind of person. I went through many crappier things in my life. So sorrow isn't a new thing to me. Its my life partner. Im sure it will be rest beside me like my shadow. May be one similarities between us may be the pains we have went through. Now you will be happy Baba. Life will be much interesting. Im sure your husband is a better person.(better than me definitely). I wish and pray that he would be kind and gentle to you. I wish you everything but the best. And its a saturday. Hope the new couple will be busier. I will try to celebrate my memories. Take care. And be safe Baba.

Midnight. I remembered how we were chatting till the midnight. I remember you a lot. What should I do Baba? 

I will live inside you sweetheart.

31st January 2020

You will forget me a little today. And tomorrow also. Keep doing. I dont blame you Baba. You have the right. Im in pain. You were in pain. I love you and im in pain. No one can see my pain. I will keep loving. I will keep my faith in you. I miss you a lot. 

31st January 2020

I dont know sweetheart. Anything doesn't feel right. I couldn't sleep last night. But you know that I deserve this. I would feel much comfortable if someone comes and break my bones. This pain is so difficult to bare.  I just want to love you forever. Keep in mind that I loved you till the end. I wished  to meet you again (i dont know when. May be not this time. Dont take an offense I will not come in between you. I will not be interfere.) Someday try to love me again when Im a good person. Try to love me again. I will love you again. And I will not leave you. Try to forgive me that time.
Many endeavours ahead Baba. Living a new life, new life partner, and you will raise children. I will be forgotten too. I wish you all the best. Dont forget that my heart always had love to you. I will keep loving. I know that you dont care anymore. Im in pain. Did anyone lived this pain after breaking up? Think about the previous people. They felt okay. Im the only one going through hell. Dont say that I didn't love you or I dont love you. Im loving to you. My heart beats for you. Dont insult please. I miss you a lot. You left yesterday. I will not end loving. I have love and faith. 

Sleepless

Camt make my mind tonight. Im so confused. So disappointed. So it went this say. I know the way you felt everything. I welcome all the pains. I deserve. No excuses to be given. Im the one who is wrong. Take care your self Baba

Forever in love

So sweetheart. All the best. Im not your enemy but im your love. I was a difficult person. Was I wrong to love you?
Good luck my angel. Im in pain. Today more than any other day. I know the way you felt. I knew the way you felt. Today Im feeling it for real.
Be happy.
I will keep my faith in love.
I will keep my faith in you.
Take care.

Tell me.

Baba what should I do tonight?
Smile or cry?
Make a joke from everything?
Remember memorize or forget?
Drink or smoke?
Walk or talk?
Stay or hide?
Live or leave?

30th of January 2020

I wish you everything but the best Baba. So January 30th. What a day. Im crying in the  same room which we were chatting a lot few years back. I locked the door. I cant bare this pain anymore. I will cry enough today. I never had intentions to hurt you Baba. I loved you like Im mad. I cared you like I was mad. I wanted to be with you I like was mad. I wanted to see you smiling. I wanted to see your beautiful face with a smile. So today is the day. You took that step. All are my faults sweetheart. I promise I will not break or invade your privacy. I dont want to hurt you anymore. Thats why I didnt give a single phone call. Thats why I didnt write a single letter to your name. Please be happy baba. Please be safe. Please take care of your self. Take care of your health and your parents health. I wish your partner also a long and healthy life. I remember how you were crying infront your laptop after you broke up with someone. You said you dodnt know that you were crying. Well here it goes today. Im crying too. I cant stop. I dont want to show my face to anyone anymore. My love will not end. You will always be loved. I miss you forever.
Happy wedded life!!! You will be my little angel always. Miss you. 

30th January 2020

Writing this around 6.45am. Sweetheart I dont know how to proceed. My heart is in pain. Number of times which my eyes get wet is a secret. Knowing that you have forgotten me Im still loving you. Its not a secret to me how you felt when I left you. I was a stone. I was a unforgiving person. Don't think that I took those steps without a pain. I was breaking in to pieces in pain. Im a human Baba (yea kind of a demon too). But I felt a lot of pain. Im still in pain. Nothing changed. And the pain didnt change or reduce. I know my story will not be published. It will not be a documented one. But I have a passionate love too. My story any way all about love, trying to make the beloved one happy and attempt to secure her valued things. May be I was wrong at some points. I feel the same thing. Feel Like im wrong in my situations. Also my story is a story of poor decisions which I took.  Dont know who am I. Would I feel this misery if I was a cheater Baby? Would I feel this much sorrow if I was playing around? Baba hope your mother is doing fine too. Take care of her too. I felt at once she is the most valuable thing you had in your life. She loved you the same way. Continue her treatments do the necessary referrals. Take care of her.
Take care.
Love you. 

29th January 2020

After a visit to colombo came back to working place. I know you are at work Baba. Im writing this around 12.00pm. Soon you will come out for lunch. Few years back you ran to give a call. I was desperately waiting to receive that call from you. Even for today Im waiting get a call from you. I know I will not receive it. Sadly im not privileged too. Yet every morning im getting up. And remembering how I received a good morning greeting. Im being forgotten. I dont hate for that. I know im not in your heart and thoughts. I know you dont have love left for me. I have plenty of love and space for you inside me. I will keep loving you Baba. I trust in miracles. I believe in you. I trust you. And definitely I love you too. Im in pain. Im a bad person Baba. But I love you always. I lpved you always. I have to say im not like others. I never tried to violate your privacy and dignity. I miss you a lot. Im lost in misery now. I know soon you will start a new life. Take care. 

28thh January 2020 2nd post

Sun sets the day ends. Time to leave for today. I hope you are fine sweetheart. Im so upset. Im upset its okay. Thats because I love you. My love will last forever Baba. I miss you a lot. Remembered how you loved the sunsets.

28th January 2020

Sweetheart im writing this around 7.40am. I think you are already closer to your work place. I hope you know about the recent infectious virus named corona virus. Baba it is very contagious at some points. Please dont make me even upset. Please stay safe. Dont hurt my heart beyond this (im in pain baba). Please avoid crowds. Better to use a mask. Eat healthy food. Take much vitamins. I hope you are fine Baba. I came to colombo. How many times did I search your face. Dont worry Baba. I will not break your heart again. And Im seriously advising you regarding health. I know the pain I felt looking at you in a ward in TH Kalubowila. Dont give that pain to your parents again. I miss you a lot. Am I forgotten Baba? Please stay safe my buttercup. I miss you so much. 

27th January 2020

I hope you are fine Baba. Pass through Dutugamunu road. Eyes searching you everywhere. Tried to see you somewhere. Tried to see you running toward me. I wish I could get your sweet hug. I missed you a lot. Went closer to those greenish roads which we travelled through. Remembered how we were enjoying time. Remotely saw the tree which you cried under. I know baba im in the category of bad people (yea sure the jerks). Cant I love sweetheart? Is it bad to love you? Is it bad to be a lover? Im your lover Baba. I will always be. I dont have fake pride. I was always a normal person. I tried to love you to the maximum. I haven't forgotten all the promises. Today I will search you in my dreams. I hope you are fine. I love you. Im your lover. Dont say no. 

26th January 2020

Im writing this in a hurry because I saw your mother last night in a dream. Just I wish that everything is fine. I wish her safety and wellbeing. Hope you are fine too. Im doing a day duty today. Its a sunday Baba. Hope that you are at home. Stay safe. I miss you. Will write again. Im in pain Baba. Im in pain because im in love. If Im a genuine jerk im so sure that I won't feel this bad. Im in love. Take care. 

25th January 2020 2nd post.

Sweetheart I remember you a lot. Each and every minute im thinking about you. Hope you are fine and happy Baba. May be sometime you remember me. And Im sensing or feeling you. Are you going to forget me forever? So I will be no one? Like I never existed? Never mind Baba. I will not forget you or our love.
Im sure you are busy today. Take care. I miss you here. 

25th January 2020

Not exactly my story but I think this song has many similarities with the way I think. Im a cruel one. I kicked the love out from my life. So there is no songs about a person like me. Anyway today morning Im listening to this song. Found many similarities. I remember your fragrance and smile. Each and every minute of the day. I hope you are fine Baba. Well today is a Saturday. Dont you go for a walk? Remember the time when we were walking through greenish roads in Colombo? you may have forgotten but Im living in those memories. How beautiful were those Saturdays. How exciting were those Fridays which came just before the Saturdays. We were counting fingers to see each other. How painful was those Sundays  (because I had to leave). Sweetheart I will love you. Trust me. I will not end my love. I will claim some day. Some day just give a try to love me again. I will not be the same old bad person who you have disgusted with. I miss you a lot Baba. I will keep all my love and faith inside you. Take care.

24th January 2020

Im writing this around 6.00pm. You are at home I guess. I know now you are happy baba. I like to see you smiling. If you are happy I can be happy too. I wish if I could be the reason of your happiness. I know im not. A day will come sweetheart. I will raise and express my love. Dont be upset or worried! I will never break your privacy or happiness. I will not commit anything to hurt you. I will not let you cry again because of me. Many endeavours ahead. I wish you good luck. I remembered the time you sang for me. Remembered how you were listening to mashup songs. I remember how we planned to visit a temple (and jungle beach.). Remember the plans to visit sembuwaththa? Remember the plan to visit Kandy? What a time. What if we could visit those places? Now im in pain and disappointed. Its okay. You should live happier Baba. I miss you a lot. Take care. All the memories are with me. 

23rd January 2020

Keeping all these memories and living is hard. I think living is always hard. I dont want to forget you sweetheart. All I want is to see your happiness. To love you. To live for you. I dont know how long would I last. I cant say till when I'm going to write all these. If I live long enough. I will keep a daily message here. I have hope and trust in you. I will always keep loving you.

23rd January 2020

Got up around 5am. No good morning message seen. I know thats the past. I remembered you a lot. Im writing this around 7.07am. I think you are on your way to work. I miss you a lot. Remembered how you sang songs to me. Love you sweetheart. Miss you. I will write again in the evening 

22nd of January 2020

January 22. Time is a bullt train. I dont know what future is waiting for me. I know that you will have a brighter future Baba. I wish a brighter future to you. All my good wishes are with you. All my prayers are with you (trust me Im doing every day). You will leave me. Leaving me because the one you loved was a bad one. You will call a jerk. Okay sweetheart. Never mind. I have to say that I still love you deeply. If im a cracked and toxic person would I feel this way? Would I feel this guilt? Would I feel this frustration? I hope no. I feel bad because I know I was wrong. I still love you. Remember that I would take my last breath remembering you. I promise you Baba. You will think Im bad. I know Im bad. But I never let my love to drain and empty. I will keep all my love to the last moment. Beyond that also I will love you. I didnt meet you by a mistake. There is a meaning. A deep meaning. I love you forever. I miss you a lot. Someday I will find you. I will never let you leave me. Please try to love me once more that day. Be my sunshine. Dont leave me. Lets not be apart again. Take care.

21st of January 2020 2nd post

Dont know why.. sweetheart I remember you a lot tonight. Love is the possible reason. I know im not in your thoughts now. Im a forgotten dark era. Im sorry sweetheart. Never intended to hurt you. But I tried to love you in every possible way. Hate me. blame me. Don't say that I didnt love you. I still love you deeply. I feel too lonely Baba. I feel miserable. I will not leave you again. Please dont leave me too. Take care sweetheart. 

21st of January 2020. (A morning in pain)

Sweetheart hope you are working today. I started to writie this around 6.42am. Same time you took your bus to work. Remembered that you might be taking a training these days by foreign officers of your company. Training ends with a party. That party which I lost my control. That party which you attended with a pink color dress. Mom made it for you. I remember everything like yesterday. Party took place in a January 18. Four days after the Valentine's day. You were late. I was just started loving you. You didn't keep your word. You wanted to be late. I lost my mind. I went mad. Because I was already loving you. Because you were mine. I felt like my heart was breaking in to thousand of pieces. It broke not for the first time. There was another one who broke it. (My stories doesn't matter anymore) Anyway your mischievous behaviour. Trust me I never hated you for that. I was angry and I was in pain that day. There after I didnt even tried to memorize it. I  just wanted to love you. Love you deeply. Anyway I have no hate or jealousy to you Baba. Im yours. Always. I will keep loving you forever. You will be my little angel forever. Take care. 

20st January 2020

Good morning sweetheart. Got up around 5.00am. Remembered your good morning message. Now I dont get those messages. Felt too lonely. Remembered our past. Im waiting this side of the river sweetheart. River that is the time. Its flowing. You will leave this river bank sooner. I will be left here with misery and pain.
Remember the times we were holding our hands together and walked around torington? Those days were so beautiful. I remember the fragrance of your hair. I remember how I breathed through your hair. What a sweet feeling. So I have to give up everything? Sweetheart you dont see me and hear me. That means im forgotten I hope. I heard you are happy. Thats all I need for now. Stay happy. Im your villain type lover. Im your painful past. I love you a lot though. I will not end my love. You are always be mine. You are mine forever. Im sorry for hurting you. I never intended to hurt you. I miss you a lot. Take care. 

19th January 2020

Sweetheart how are you? Its a sunday. I remember how painful were those Sunday evenings. I had to leave colombo. I had to leave you. I think my job made everything crappier. Anyway those memories are with me. Remember how we were chatting throughout my journey? Remember how fights started? I was so angry because I had to leave you. My pain and love mixed so hard and I went mad when I left you. I went mad inside the bus. I was in pain because I loved you. (I still love you honey.). You will be my queen forever. You will be my forever valentine. You will be my angel forever. I miss you a lot. I wish I could see you once. Or talk to you once. I know im not privileged. Take care sweetheart.

18th January 2020

Im writing this around 5pm sweetheart. I hope you are fine. Im will lose everything. What can go wrong beyond losing a loved one. What can get worse beyond losing someone's love?  I know the way you felt sweetheart. I knew and felt the way you felt. I never intended to hurt you. I only had love. I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to lose you. I didnt do fake love sweetheart. Thats why I am in pain now. If I had fake love why do I feel this way? If I had no love, why I am in misery now? Only my heart knows the answers. Im in pain now. I will go mad when you leave. I will keep my silence. I will keep my faith in love. I will miss you a lot. Love is hard. Love is tough.

I will find you sweetheart. 

17th January 2020

Im writing this around 4.25pm. I think you are already on your way to home. My heart is full of sorrows. I remember you always. That feeling of loneliness when I remember you and being away from you could kill me. Thats a torturing pain.
Love can heal.
Love can kill.
Or it can make a person ill.
I think you went through all the types of pains because of me. Soon comes a time woth joy. I wish you good luck. I wish my beloved one everything but the best. I would welcome any pain. I deserve to suffer. There is no mercy for me for making you suffer. Had to take whatever the pain comes to me. I remember you a lot. Most of the times my eyes are getting wet. I was the one who walked holding your hand. Im the one loved you madly. And definitely I loved you deeply. I will love you forever. Take care sweetheart. 

16th January 2020

A day will come soon. You will leave. I remember how hard was it to you when I left you. I know the troubles you went through. I remember and I know the feeling you felt in the day I left you. All the faults are in my hands. I know its too late. Its late to make things back to normal. Its too late, I am already forgotten. Im a lost chapter in your life. Im a dark era that should be forgotten. I know there is a beautiful life ahead you. You will definitely be happy. You cried because of me a lot. I still remember how you cried on my lap. I remember how you cried in my vehicle. How cold hearted person was I?. My personality itself creeps me out. Im not good sweetheart. What I know is that I love you yet. Yet all the love I had for you remains inside me. Love haven't decayed. I wish you all the best. 

15th January 2020

Heard you were happy.
Looked like you were smiling.
Definitely you are much thrilled.
Said you are holding someones hand.
And also heard he looks better.
Said you both match
. May be good and may be more successful. What I can ask is your happiness. I pray for your wellbeing. I wish you all the best.
I know you have forgotten the dark era belongs to me. Felt the way you moved on.
Well you are ready to take new life. You will meet new things. You will find happiness. You will forget me forever.

What should I do sweetheart? Dont ask me to forget you! Dont ask me to move on. I will live with your memory.
Take care your self.

14th January midnight.

Writing this in midnight. I remember you a lot sweetheart. How we were talking till midnight? Can you remember? I miss you a lot. I will meet you in my dreams. And I will try to reach your dreams tonight. Good night.

14th January 2020

Started to write this around 3.30pm. I hope you came out for the evening snack. I remember the times when I visit your working place. Remember the sweet moments. Remembered time when we walked in the supermarket downstairs. Do you remember baba? I hope you are fine. Probably you are busy with wedding preparations. My heart aches sweetheart. I will write tonight again. How come I bare this pain? How should I tolerate? How should I live?
I miss you. 

13th January 2020

Hi sweetheart. I started to write this around 3.30pm. And yet im writing. Remembering old memories sometimes brings me joy. And sometimes memories bring sorrow. Im left here with sorrow. Only valuable thing I have is love. memories keep me alive. Dont know how would I feel in the day you leave for a new life. Sure It will not be easy to tolerate. I know how you felt. I felt everything. Definitely I will feel the same pain and same emotions. I dont blame you sweetheart. I was the wrong guy. I felt love. I did love you. Yet im loving you. Is it wrong to love you? Right or wrong I will love you. Dont think we met incidentally. we have met before. We have loved before. Miss you a lot.
Take care.

12th January 2020

Hope you are at home today. I spent lot of time remembering you. Always with love. I know sweetheart you dont see me as a lover anymore. Well if it is so. I was your lover. Yet from my side im your lover. I will keep loving you everyday more and more. My love to you will not be decreased. I dont know until when I can take all these pain. Im in pain because Im in love. Think Baba. If I didnt love you or I dont love you, would I be felt this way? Would suffer in the pain? I know I have love. I dont want to prove anything. You will feel. If the real necessity comes I will raise and show my love. Till then I will keep my silence. I will not break my last promises. I miss you a lot. Im in love with you. 

11th of January 2020

A Saturday. Saturdays will pass. Soon comes the day when you go for a new life. I will wait and see in pain. One part of me will try to see your happiness. If you are happy and that would be my happiness too. And another part of me feel the pain and sorrow. I know soon comes that day. I will keep all our promises with me sweetheart. I will not disturb you ever. I will not hurt you further or breach your privacy. I will keep my silence. Same way I will keep my love. I will keep all our memories. Its a Saturday. I remember how hard it was to leave you in Saturday evenings. How my heart ached when you took the bus and leave for home. Still im living in my past. I miss you.

10th January 2020 (Poya day)

Writing this in the evening. May be you are planning to go to temple this evening. We couldn't go to a temple even though we planned. Anyway today poyaday. Sweetheart think what we would do? A long weekend. I remember the time with you. Definitely today could be a good day to visit you. Weekend would have be a wonderful one. I remember how you went to temple with your parents. I wish I could join with you. May be this time you are going with your  beloved partner. And the future husband to be exact. I dont have a jealousy but I wish I could be yours. You are mine forever sweetheart. I will keep loving you. Someday you wont even remember me. You will not have a memory about me. I will take that pain. I will keep loving you though. Please take care your self Baba. Well many memories are ahead. You dont have to remember them. Smile baba. I was so happy to see your smile. I miss you a lot. 

Retrospective note for 9th of January 2020

Im sorry for for not writing to you (yesterday). Sweetheart I was in a training. Hope you are fine. You came to my mind thousand times. Just I had no time to writie this note earlier because of the training which I was involved recently. I want just remind or inform you that I haven't forgotten you. How come I forget you? How to forget the love? No I haven't forgotten you.  Hope you are fine Baba. I love you a lot. And this is a retrospective note. Because I couldn't write to you yesterday. Please take care. 

8th of January 2020

Hello sweetheart. How are you? I know that you are so busy these days. Did many good things yesterday and remembered you. Hope your office training started by American authorities. Everything remembered. Dont think that I have forgotten you. How many times you come to my mind? You dont know. And I cant count too. I have to say that you will always be remembered and loved. Never had intentions to hurt you or break your heart. I loved you and your heart a lot. Loved your love a lot. Loved you physically and emotionally. Loved each and every moment with you. Lived a lifetime in one year. Most memorable year of my life. You taught me to love and feel love. Felt your love. What a sweet feeling. Now I remember you a lot. I miss you a lot. You are not near..
Take care. 

7th January 2020

Passed many memorable places. Each and every place where we had extensive discussions about us, love and etc. I know you have forgotten them. No offense taken. You have the right. And you did it to reduce your pain. I know you are already on a way there is no return. I wish your luck. I wish you more love. You will call my love for you was a fake. Well thats okay. My heart knows what I have inside me. Listen to many songs. Like they were sung to us. I remember you a lot. 

7th January 2020.

Hope you are fine Baby. I wasn't okay last night to write you. I was again ill. I hope you are fine. I hope my little angel is fine. I wish everything good for you. I did something good today and  I remembered you. So take care. I miss you. 

5th of January 2020

Time passes. Its a sunday. Few more minutes to end this Sunday. Remember how hard was to leave you in Sundays? Remember how hard was it to say good bye for one week. I went mad. Its was damn hard to take that bus at Pettah around 6pm. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't leave you. But I had to. But emotionally I was with you. Fights broke out. Fights occurred not because of serious issues. Fights occurred because of love. So sunday ends. Writing this arpund 11.30pm while doing a 24 hour duty. Not a single minute spent without remembering you.. I miss you a lot. 

4th January 2020

A Saturday. What we would have dont if we could meet sweetheart? Go for a luch and you will feed me there. Walk in parks holding your hands. Going for shopping. Now im far away from you. I know you have found someone to make you happier. Im not having a jealousy or a hate. Yesterday was a Friday. How would I have travel to see you. Hug you and drop you closer to home. I remember all those moments. I know that you will soon forget everything. You will forget me. I have no reason to forget you. I have the best reason to remember you. And thats love. I never intentionally told all those painful words. I just didnt want to give you further pains. I couldn't see you crying anymore. I wish I could be yours baby. Anyway I will love you forever. To the last breath. May be even beyond. We didnt meet accidentally. We met for a reason. I miss you.

3rd of January 2020

Got Up at 5.am. actually around 4.55am. Remember how you sent me a good morning message? That time passed. Not only passed, you forgot it also. Im not accusing you sweetheart. Im in pain. Im happy about ending your worries and starting a new life. I felt the way you moved on. I dont ask to stop and stay right where you were. Dont you feel Baba. Both of us in pain because we loved. I loved you. You will say that I never loved you. Thats your accusation for sure. I have to say that I loved each and every moment I had with you. I lived a lifetime in a moment which I spent with you l. Baby I know that you will not trust me further. Someday you will think though. I relly appreciate the love you gave to me. Trust me or not I love you a lot too. Forever I will love you.
Take care. 

2nd of January 2020-2nd post

I did some good things today and wished your luck. I remember you a lot. Helped some poor families. I tried to see your good side sweetheart. Same way you looked in to my good side and good mind. As you requested I did my job to the best. Helped a lot of people. You were the inspiration. Tonight I miss you a lot. I hope to see you in my dreams. I loved you a lot. I will love you more and more. Im sure that you are busy preparing for a new life and new journey these days. I wish you everything but the best. I wish your happiness. Take care. 

2nd of January 2020

Baba Im doing something good today. Im helping some poor families. I wish your wellbeing and good luck. I wish your safety and good health. I remember you a lot. I will not forget you under any circumstance. Take care. Love you. 

1st of January 2020 2nd post

A day to remember. So this year you would walk away. I deserve this. I felt it baby. I felt the way you getting far and far away from me. Not only physically I felt it emotionally also. So you are ready to start a new life. I want you to be happy always. Stay happy baba. Probably you have already forgotten me. But the most important thing, sweetheart you have to be happy!. Show us your smile. Make me smiling ( i will be happy and smiling if I see you are smiling). Time does amazing things. Time is trying to heal you. I wan the same thing. I want you to be happy and healthy. I dont have a jealousy or a hate to you. What I wish is your success. You forgot me because I was your pain. I get it. I wish your new partner also a long and healthy life. May you be happy. I wish your parents long lives. So wish you all the best sweetheart!. I miss you. Dont forget! You will be loved anyway. Doesn't matter who you married to. I will keep loving my sweetheart. My angel. My forever Valentine. Take care.