1st of December 2019

Remember how you called me around 7.00am? I was in the hospital which was closer to my home. We were talking and talking. I began to love you. I began to miss you. I couldn't live without a call from you. Same way I remember the way you went to a night party fooling me around. Its okay. I dont hate you for whatever the thing happened between us. But that day my heart ached a lot. I drank a lot too. Im so sorry. I miss you a lot sweetheart. Each and everyday only another walk through pain. Sweetheart I never tried to hurt you. I just wanted to love you. I wanted to be yours. I wanted you to be mine. But non of those feelings had bad intentions. I loved you always. Even today I love you. Love you more and more but not less.
I miss you a lot.
Tc

30th November 2nd post.

30th of November. Sweetheart this year will be ended soon. Dont you have a simple memory about me? Im not angry for not having that. It's all okay. I must be punished for being a rock like person before love. I was crappier enough to run away from love. Now im in misery and pain. Im so sorry sweetheart. I walked away not because I didn't love you. I told those hurtful words to you not because I didn't love you. I was too much messed baba. I was helpless within my self. I was afraid to drag you through pains. I was too broken. I cant explain it here. Im sorry. I miss you a lot. I love you a lot. Take care love.

30th November 2019

Writing this around 6.50am. Well I dont have to mention the number of times you come in to my head. A Saturday today. Remember the time when I didn't have a vehicle? I was stationed closer to my home. After work I took a bus around 10am and visited you. Those Saturdays were so beautiful. A summer time in my life. I wish I could go back Baba. I might be a crappy person but I love you a lot. Please Remember someday. I loved you to my last breath. Then there after I would wait. I will be a good person and wait for you. Punish me whatever the way you like. Im okay to be heartbroken. Im so familiar with heartbroken life. Im living one already.
I miss you Baba.

29th November 2nd post

Writing this around 11pm sweetheart. Im in pain. I miss you and im totally upset about everything. About the movie (I dont know how you consider it. Main actress of the movie had similarities with you. Beyond that I had no motivation or an intention to insult you by any means. Rainy nights these days. End of the November and soon this year will be ended. Remember how we were chatting?. November wasn't an easy month.
I love you always. 

29th November 2019

Started to write this around 6.25am. As usual I got up arpund 4.55am. Yes I didnt get the good morning greeting from you. Anyway my memory yet functions well. I love you sweetheart. I know you haven't keep anything belongs to me. Including memories. May be you threw them all out from you. Im not blaming. This is just my pain. A friend gave me a film. A film just released (October 2019). Main actor was Will Smith. (I just watched a movie because im already not attending to cinemas. Last one I went with you. So that will be my last movie in a movie hall. I will not go again).
What an Amazing thing Baba. The main actress in the movie had many similarities with you. Movie ended with tears in my eyes. I love you a lot. Im totally a mess sweetheart but I still love you . I remember you a lot. I dont know how to deal with the future. I just want you to know I loved you to the last breath.
Tc

28th November 2019 2nd post.

11pm. I remember you a lot Baba. Tell me what should I do. Whats shouldn't I do. Dont tell me not to love you. You are my blood. You are my heart. I miss you a lot.
Good night sweetheart 

28th November 2019

Soon you will take someone's hand. I dont have to express the way I would feel. I will not feel comfort when the most loved one leaves me. I loved you like a child, like a boy and like a grown man.(I will love you forge I loved you every possible way Baba. Im so so brutal, foolish, helpless and broken to go beyond. Im stuck in my conscience. Im a prisoner in my own prison. My heart is with you. My heart lives in you. All my feelings are with you. You will be happy and lucky without me. I won't hate or be jealous. But sweetheart im in pain. Im in disappointment. Im in love. I dont have a way to proceed. Im wrong and I was wrong in each and every step which I took. But my dear was I wrong to love you? Am I a criminal because I loved you? I dont know the answers. I have a bag full of questions and regrets.
Love you. 

2nd post 27th of November 2019

1.30pm. Probably you went back in after the lunch. Remember the time when we chatted in your lunch hour? You  Amali akka and few others took lunch together. I remember everything Baby. I know the pain you took because of me. Nothing will be forgotten. You had love for me. I will love you endlessly. I miss you a lot. 

Writing on 27th. A retrospective of 26th of November.

A day started with heavy rains. Sky was dark and heavy with clouds. Heavy as my heart. The day was wet like my eyes most of the times. Which memory doesn't bring a tear in to my eye daily. Thats fine. For hurting you I dont deserve a forgiveness. So let it be. I will take it. Let me cry.
I will remember, count and recount those beautiful days with you daily. I feel so angry about my self most of the time. Because I kicked out the love from my life. I left you like a cruel villain. Walked away but my heart is at your feet. I left my heart inside you. You would say no. But sweetheart we have met before. That sweet feeling I had when I first see you. Definitely It remembered me a relationship existed  for centuries or a millennium. I will always love you I promise. I will wait for you Baba. I will try to be a good person. I miss you. 

27th November 2019

Im so sorry sweetheart. I had a training. I left home early morning and returned to work at late night. Had no enough time to write. Anyway time is passing. Time will not wait for me. I feel the way you move on. A dream of a bride. That bride was you. These aren't coincidents. I know what comes the next. I dont have an anger,jealousy or a hate sweetheart. I wont break my last few promises too. I will not damage your privacy too. I will miss you a lot. You dont trust but I love you a lot. You will move on. But Im emotionally stuck in time and in life. I dont see an easy way forward or out. Everyday I remember you and the best times of my life with you. You were a sunshine to me. You were the strength too. Now im barely taking steps. Im like disabled in a strange way. Im too much broken and crappy. My eyes are wet Baba. I didnt forget you in last two days. I will write what was happened those days. I miss you.

25th November 2019.

I hope you are at work today. Im writing this exactly at 1pm. You are going back to work after the lunch hour. I can imagine how Beautiful you are today. When we were together each and every day was a beautiful one. Well. You are stepping forward and the time is passing. Someday I will be too old and you will not even recognise me either. Time is such an unkind thing. I wish we had more time. I wish if I could live together. I wish if we could meet earlier. You will forget me totally sweetheart. I deserve. Im not angry with you for that. People make moves. I dont blame you for anything. I felt and I knew that you loved me. I was just an idiot who couldn't recognise things. I was too messed up. I miss you a lot sweetheart. 

24th November 2019

A sunday. Im writing this around 9.30pm. Somewhat deviated from usual timetable of the daily posting. I had a dream today sweetheart. Well you can laugh at me or make a joke. Or both of us in pain, you have all the right to blame me. It was around 2pm. I was sleeping and I saw you in a wedding dress. I know Baba.. I know you are ready to move on.. you are moving forward. Im here just because I can't go back and I can't move forward either. Whata destiny being dictated. I dont have a hope about me. I have all the trust and hope inside you. I have my faith and love to you. Probably the only wealth I have up to date is the love. Love which I have for you. I know after all these long days a time comes to forget me. Happiness will find you. I will be just a character in a forgotten dark era. I will live somewhere i side you. I will!!! My love will be forever. Im sorry for being a mad one. Im sorry for understanding everything wrong. Im sorry for being a rude person. Im sorry for hurting you.
I miss you a lot.. Hard to feel happy. Thats okay for me. I deserve this way. I wish my little angel all the happiness. 

23th November 2019

I was lucky to meet you Baba. But I couldn't take you to Jungle beach, sembuwaththa and to the temple. I wish I could do so. I will remember all my promises baba. I will not forget my promises baba. But i feel sad a lot about the issues we faced. I feel upset about the way I dealt with those problems. More than anything I feel hurt because I went away from you. But my heart hasn't left you. Everyday my heart beats for you Baba. Till the last beat my heart will love you. I will keep that love to you forever. Im too much messed up and too much broken to be loved. I miss you a lot in each and every moment which Im passing in my life. Im so sorry sweetheart. Love you. 

22nd November 2019

Time is 6.00pm. Writing to you bearing a heavy heart and a loneliness. I wish I could drove you home. How sweet was those days? I hope you have forgotten them because you have to decrease your pain. No offense. You have the right to do so. I still keep my love for you. I dont have a wish to end that love. I dont feel a comfort in abandoning you and the love to you. I know Baba you think to avandon all tye memories about me. I hurt you because I loved you (I cant tell you how was that. Thats why im telling you im too much messed up and too much broken. I never intended to hurt you. I LOVE YOU!!!) I just didnt want to drag you in a hell of pains. I always loved to see my sweetheart smiling. I was broken in to pieces thousand times seeing you crying. I said I dont love you. What a fucking arsehole was I. Im totally an idiot. Damn I get what a shitty shit was I. Im so sorry for hurting you my little angel. I didn't mean those words. I was just in pain and disappointment. I love you a lot. I know my heart loves you always. Take care. 

21st November 2019

Writing this today around 4.pm. and continuing to write slowly because im working too. To morrow will be a friday. Those Fridays were so exciting. I will recall those memories now. I will remember the better moments. It doesn't mean that im going to firget the bitter moments. Bitter moments were most of the time my faults. So I wont make them a big issue. Somehow someday im in the one to suffer. So Baba how are you? Sweetheart I know im not the beloved person now but.... Sweetheart please remember to stay away from harm. I don't have to tell this continuously. There is a dengue epidemic in colombo. Remembered the sad view in Colombo south teaching hospital Kalubowila. I was looking at you for a long time. One of the hardest things to see. I was praying for your health (you would definitely argue that im lying. Trust me, I was praying.). I know how dangerous is to get ill. I know how dangerous steps people are taking daily and no one know the disaster which comes ahead. Health is such a thing. I miss you a lot baba.
Take care. 

20th November 2019

If I get a chance what I want to do is start everything new. You know sweetheart a heart full of regrets is the most difficult thing to carry. My heart is heavy. You know it. I loved you then and I love you now. I will keep loving you till the end of this  misery. Hope this misery would end someday like a winter ends. Trees would be greenish and flowers will bloom. Beautiful tulips to be smile. And our love to be grown further. I still remember the touch. I still remember your fragrance. I will miss you a lot. My heart will beat its last beat singing your name. Or calling your name. I wish that day would come earlier. I wish it wont be painful. After all of those difficult days about us a good day will come. I will wait sweetheart. Only I know how much I love you. Only I know how much You got hurt because of me. Im frustrating about the past. Im disappointed about the present. Im desperate and doubtful about the future. I will keep my faith in you and the love.
Love you. 

19th November 2019

I was a little late to write for few days. I was duing a long duty hours. I feel okay. I was tired but im good. Being tired is okay if the job gives a satisfaction. There is no satisfaction like I had two years ago when I was taking 3-4 days continuous duties. My goal was to reach you. I miss you a lot Baba. I will keep this pain. Im not good I know. Sweetheart you think that I never loved you? You are the only thing in this world which I could fell in love with. Your memory is a continuous song which keeps singing inside me. I promise that I will keep my love for you forever. Time will pass. I know you are ready to take someone's hand. You are proceeding. I think im stuck. Anyway I promise baba in whatever the situation my love will still be there with you.
I have a heart full of love to you.

18th November 2019

Hope you are fine sweetheart. Im writing this in the evening. Remembered you a lot. Remembered the way I was sleeping on your lap inside my vehicle. I loved that fragrance. I loved the way you rubbed my hair. I was loving you and your love. I feel that you have already forgotten everything. But yet I haven't. I dont have a wish to forget the sweetest person I ever had in my life. Somedays you have to forget the last memory about me. I know that Baba. That day will come soon enough. I will keep that pain inside me. Same way you took the pain when I left you. Its my fault. Yet my heart and everything inside me loving you. Every molecule inside me love you. I dont have a hate Baba. I will keep loving you. I miss you a lot this evening.
Take care. 

17th November 2019

Gotabhaya became president. I remember how we were upset about the previous government. Sweetheart how are you? Hope you are going to the work today. Wherever you go stay safe. Will you? I will keep remembering you always. Each day has its making to remember you. I follow our routine daily. I hope you remember those days. In the morning I pour water to our plants. Plants by your name. When I close my eyes your image builds up infront of me. How beautiful you are. Now im not privileged to see you. Anyway you cant stop me loving you. I will keep all that love to you till the last possible breath. Im not good Baba. Not being good isnt a reason which could prevent the love/loving you.
I miss you so much. 

16th November 2019

Sweetheart im doing a night shift today. So tired. You are the only person who can give me a relief. I remembered you a lot. Strange day. Elections. Results haven't been released yet. I wish I could see you sweetheart. Sweetheart today my message a little short because the mobile phone's charge is getting lower fast. I miss you. 

15th November 2019

I hope you are fine Baba. This weekend you will be resting im sure. I remembered you a lot. My heart seeks you. I dont have an option other than keep remembering our good times. Last night also I was remembering the walks we had together in WatersEdge. Those were the happiest times of my life. I remember how you smiled. What a innocent smile you have my sweetheart. Your smile could make a person a living thing. And same way I was dedicated to see your smiles. I was so happy to see you smiling. What a lucky thing to see. Good times passed may be. Anyway I will keep my faith in you. I will keep my love to you. I will wait for you my queen. I love you a lot. And Baby please be safe. I dont have to explain I guess. The environment is full of hazards. From a mosquito to a speeding vehicle.. so dangerous. I want you to he safe everywhere. Take care Baba.

14th November 2019

Sweetheart after elections colombo environment may become chaotic. I think you know the issues. So please be careful and stay at home. I wish your safety. Writing this a little late because I was doing on of the busiest 24 duties yesterday. I wish I could take a rest. My job has no time to rest. Our staff is less. I remember I told you Jayathilaka was removed from his position by the government. Said it was an administrative issue. He is spending a very poor life now. I visited him personally and give a bag of dry food. I remember you also. Well anyway our staff is getting smaller and the work is becoming heavier. I hope you understand the problem. I didnt forget you instead I remembered you a lot. I miss you very much Baba. Please Take care.
Love you. 

13th November 3rd post

I remembered you a lot Baba. I was listening to a song. I remembered it played in a day we were travelling together. I miss you a lot. My mind goes mad. 

13th November 2nd post. (1.41pm)

I remember how I said that I dont have feelings for you. How I didnt have or dont have feelings for you? Since you are the most soft and the loveliest felt person in my life. I wish I could go back and make things correct again. You are the only valued thing I have and I ever had in my life. I miss you a lot Baba. Take care.

13 November 2019

Birds are sing this morning looking at the sunrise. Got up around 5.00am as usual. Remember how we talk and greet each other in the morning? I Remember the "good morning" message came from you. I still remember those beautiful days. I'm thinking about you frequently. It is painful but I would never forget my sweetheart. I will keep my faith in love. I will keep my trust in you. I will wait for you. Im not a jerk Baba. Im too much broken and messed up. I wanted to love you. You are the sweetest and the softer feeling I have ever felt in my life. I miss you a lot sweetheart. Starting and finishing a day without you isn't a comfort.
Please take care. C u. 

12th November 2019

Today a poya day. I remembered how you were waiting to go to a temple with me. Sadly we couldn't. But Baba we did lot of good things. We donated water to people affected by natural disasters. We donated food to the poor. We donated money to poor. We lived and enjoyed our time like Buddha said. I remembered everything. Writing this arouns 3.40pm. May be you are working today too. I planted a new tree. This tree will also grow to remember you. There are more to come. I poured water today evening. May those trees give flowers and fruits by the name of our love. May those trees have a little sense about us. May they be helpful to people. May those trees sing the unknown and the silent story about our painful love. I hope those trees will mark good memories about us. I personally dedicate this to you, your love and the kindness offered to me. You are the only person deeply loved to a evil person like me. I miss you. I will keep loving you forever. Take care Baby. 

11th November 2019

Im writing this in the midnight Baba. If I was a opportunity seeking bad guy I will not write here and say love you this much. If im a real jerk do you think I would write here? I think no. I wasn't jerking around. I wasn't fooling you around. Im messed. Im bad. Im a crap. Please understand though! I love you. I love you now. I will love. I loved you then. I happy to live 5 seconds breathing through your hair than living a 80 years long joyful life. I feel that way because I love you. Only I know how sweet you are. Only I know how delicate you are. Only I know how kind you are. Only I know how good you are. You are good intelligent and kind baba. I always knew. I love you and your personality. I miss you a lot. This year ends. Time is passing. Im crying tonight secretly. Take care. 

10th November 2019.(retrospective)

I hope you are fine Baba. I was in a short training yesterday. Came home and slept early. In the morning time I planted a tree. I remembered you doing so. Yesterday was a Sunday. Those are the days which we stayed together like two little birds. In freedom and happiness. I love you forever sweetheart. I miss you. 

9th November 2019.

Writing this in saturday evening remembering all our good memories dedicated to Saturday. How desperate was I to meet you. Amazing time. I worked endlessly to take a leave in the weekend. Knowing that you have forgotten me, im living this life painfully. I wish I go back to those days. Hug you and hold your hand. Kiss you. Breath through your hair. Talk and smile. And eat together. Love you like im mad. (Im so unlucky) And I remember everything belongs to our story. Im counting our memories today. Sure we could have met before. Sure we should have met before. Time will pass. This life will pass. I will wait for you Baba. I did something good today. I wished your good luck doing so. I remember you a lot. Remember we donated to poor people food and money? We did good things together. I miss you. 

8th November 2019

A friday. Remembered how busy was I to end all my work by 9am and leave for Colombo. Thats how I came to meet you sweetheart. I was chatting with you till midnight. Then woke up early (we woke up together. If I woke up early I called you. Remember?). Now im remembering all those moments and beautiful days. I know im a forgotten era. I understand the difficulty of keeping  a memory about me in your mind or heart. I know how troublesome person was I. Now I know the reason for forgetting me. Im not blaming you Baba. How to say a word when all the faults are in my hands? I just want you to say that I love you forever. Even in my last moment you will be in my mind. Dont think that this is just an incident. No Baba we were waiting to meet. We met. Sadly im rude this time. I will be a good person someday. I will love you like a gentleman someday. I will wait for you. Dont forget we have met before. 

8th November 2019

Im writing this around 7pm tonight. Thought to write in the evening or night sometimes. Im in pain sweetheart. Same time I remember the harsh time we went through. I remember the fights we had. Those memories make me mad. Pain increases. Not only the pain in mind. Baba remember the chest pain which I had? Last night it came back. After a long pause finally it came back to me. I welcome anything sweetheart. I dont care now. Im trying my best. I just want you to remember a small fact only. I want you to remember that I loved you breathing my last breath also. I want you to know my heart kept singing your song (your name/you) till the last beat. I want you to know that I will keep loving you forever. I miss you a lot. Pains aren't forever.
Take care your self.

6th November 2019

Im writing this around 3.45pm. 15 minutes prior to your leave from the work. Baba is it bad I I could hold your hands take you home after work? I remember the past sweetheart. Hope you haven't forget. I came to your work place few times to take you home. Im the only one who knows  how fast was I deriving to take that pleasure of taking you home. Our past Baba. Our love. Forever you are my love. Forever you are mine. I will keep loving you always. Baba If I was a total sick bastard, would I feel this way? I think no. Would I living this pain? I hope no. I remember you many times a day. Sometimes I pour water to your plants. The trees growing on behalf of your name. Call me a jerk. Call me an idiot. Yea I call my self an idiot too. Dont say I dont love you. Dont say I didnt love you. I miss you a lot. 

5th November 2019

Good morning sweetheart. I hope you are doing fine. I dont have a goal or a wish Baba. I only wish and pray for your health and wealth. I wish the same to your parents and my parents. I dont have things to be happy beyond them. Im so happy if I could see your face once more. I would be so happy if I could heard your voice once more. I know all of those wishes arent possible things anymore. Definitely im not privileged and I dont deserve too. Each morning I remember you and Im making a wish for the day. Time will be passed. You will feel the comfort of forgetting the painful past. You will feel the comfort of forgetting the painful people(person). You will feel the happiness of your new encounters. You will proceed in a new way. I promise that I will keep loving you. What else I should do?.... tell me.
I miss you a lot. I miss you like im mad.
Take care Baby

4th November 2nd post. (4.32pm)

Remembered you Baba. Keeping this short note in the evening. Its 4.32pm. I think you are already closer to home. I miss you a lot. If you are happy im happy too. Hardly digested fact but true, Im forgotten. Its okay if you are happy. I promise to keep loving you. Take care. 

4th November 2019

So this year is ending. The one that you say about. You had some predictions for 2019. Its ending. Soon you will move forward and not be alone anymore. You will be holding someone's hands. Do I have to accept all this Baba? Do I have to watch you leaving me? Is there a meaning in living? Living for the sake of just living. Thats so uncomfortable. I wish I could see you once before all this. Some say life isn't a march or a run. Then why is it going this fast? You will be happy with the new endeavours coming to your life. You will raise children. Definitely you will be happy. I wish your happiness too Baba. Im so sad for not being  your beloved person. I know im already defeated within this contest (I consider so). Defeated because of few awkward and crappy decisions I made. Who can say what happens next. I dont have at least a remote glimpse about future. I wish you a good future though.Sweetheart I will love you forever. Take care. 

3rd of November 2019

Sweetheart please dont misunderstand. someday if you see my messages please accept my apology. Yesterday i didnt know how. When my mobile was in the pocket, my mobile it self dialled. That was your number. I will not disturb you again sweetheart. That was a mistake. (I wish I could hear you. I wish I could talk to you. But yesterday's call is not an intentional. Im so sorry Baba.). I dont want to make another mess in your life. I love to see you happy. I love to see you smiling. Never want to hurt you. I dont have intentions to hurt you further. I miss you a lot. I love you a lot. I want you to live happily. I will wait for you. I can. I know, I waited for you a long time. Do you think this is just an encounter? No Baba. We have met before. We have met before. I miss you..
Please take care your self. 

2nd of November 2nd post

I don't know how. Today suddenly I heard my phone in the pocket is calling. I dont know how. I think accidentally it touched and a call went to your phone. Im so sorry Baba. Im didnt do it intentionally. Please forgive me. I will never come across your way. Saying again. Im so sorry. That was a total mistake. Take care. 

2nd of November 2019

A Saturday. I will dream how I walked with you. I will dream about the softness of your hands. I will dream about the fragrance of your hair. I will remember the way you talked. I will remember your smile. How we ate together. How you feed me. How happy we were. I get the fact that im a cruel person to abandon our love and leave. Its wasn't my intention. Im so sorry. Hate me and blame me. Punish me as much as you can. I deserve to suffer more. Suffer not only for being cruel but also for hurting you. How many times did I think to go back and Feel all the things again. Never break up. I never wanted to hurt you. You were my sweetheart. You were my baby. You were my angel. And you always will be. I miss you a lot Baba. Take care.