31st Second Post.

I miss you Baba. Someday feel free to think that I kept my love to you. It is the most painful love up to date. I know. Yet I have to say that I always love you. And Baba I always loved you. Im not even in your memories now. Cutting me in to pieces is better than being a forgotten memory. Thos pain is the worst. I know you took the same pain. You went through the same pain. Now im going through it. I miss you sweetheart. Take care. 

31 May 2019. (A day after that day)

Im sure you are on your way to work now. May be you are accompanied by someone now. I wish I could drop you at your workplace. Today a friday Baba. Remember how I finished the work in a hurry and drive through the roads fast? That was because I loved you that much. I still remember on the way we were talking when you had a break. That was a golden time Sweetheart. Baba can you remember there was a part in the road where the mobile signals were totally lost? I hope you remember. I wish I could come and hold your hand. Drop you at home in the evening. I know you have forgotten all of it (may be) im not insulting you Baba. I miss you a lot. Yesterday I did many good things. While doing those I was wishing you and your mother good health and long lives (blame me if you want. I did those things in a genuine mind Baba. I know im the fake. Am I? Okay call me so. Thats okay.) Ooh god why did I come to this world to hurth people this much. Even I hurt the one loved me the most. I miss you Baba. Take care

30th Of May 2nd post

I did something very humble today. Aall my good deeds in your name. I wish everything good for you. I wish you live a long. I wish you will be healthy. I wish all the happiness to you sweetheart. I dont have a right to claim. I kniw what my heart tells. My heart tells love. I have love for you. I know you dont have a concern. I know you dont care too. I will love you forever. Day went so fast. I remembered you many times. What can I do Baba. Eues getting wet. I remember once you told me after your first breakup (akila) you were crying looking at your computer. You didnt event felt that you were crying. I know all the pain you went through. Please take care your self Baba. I miss you. I will live heartbroken for the rest of my little life. Tc

30th of May

Hope you are fine Baba. Writing this around 6 am. Got up around 4.55am and I slept again. Yet I remember the sweetness pf receiving a good morning message from the most beloved. Please dont forget for the firt time in my life im calling a girl, Baba. And thats you (i know I have messed up my life). I dont know Baba Baba. Is it worthy or not to live. I remember you always. I have nothing but all of your memories. I will live within those memories sweetheart. You are tue best thing happened to me. You are the best for the rest of my life (i dont know how long I have to drag this). I wish I could see you Baba. I wish I could hear you. Someday you will say Baba you better live without me(im not insulting or blaming). I think you have found love again. Then I will become someone not morethan a dust. I dont hate you for whats happening. I will keep my love forever. I miss you. I never forget you sweetheart. You will be my everything forever. Please be safe. 

29th May 2nd post.

I will miss you forever Baba. I think you are at home. I remember how you went to the market with mother. It was difficult to chat and carry a bag. You did your best. I thinking about you this evening Baba. I have nothing to have you. But I have much reasons to love you. I was cruel. Im kicked out from your memories. I miss you. And I will keep my love forever. 

29th May 2019.

I might lose from your memories Baba. Started to write this around 6.37am. I know you are taking a short walk to the bus stop already. I wish I could hold your hand and walk there. Or give a ride to the office. Dont say im cruel at least for today (I know Im cruel Baba) but please remember always I shouted in pain because I loved you (I still do). We had fights and blame games because I loved you (I will always love you).  I still remember how you asked while fit on dresses "Am I looking good?" You are always beautiful to me. You will always be the one. You will always be the love. I promise, you will aalways be loved too. I miss you Baba. I hope you are fine. Please take care sweetheart. 

28th May 2019

Writing this around 6.40 Baba. You are at the bus stop. I will sing your song within my head and within my heart today also, as usually. My love and the place for you in my heart will be remained forever. I know you dont trust or believe a love further. Especially if the love belongs to me you dont trust it for sure. I have to admit het the idea,feeling and the phenomenon is real within me. If I didnt love you Baba, I wouldn't suffer this way. I wouldn't feel bad this long. I wouldn't feel missing you this way. I miss you sweetheart. I can write thousands of words, I know you dont give a crap about them. I know im being a fogotten memory already. I will keep all my promises Baba. I will. Be safe sweet. Love u. Tc

27th May 2nd post

Remembered you Baba. I hope you are already at home. Well... I have to tell you again and again how hard I miss you. Too difficult to bare the pain. Please remember Baba I was in pain(sweetheart I know the amount of pain you took because of love). Im sorry Baba. Im in pain also. I wish if I could feel the fragrance of your hair. Remember how we visited Lanka Hospital for a consultation? I still remember Baba. I have no doubt I my intentions to care about you were original and genuine Baba. I never wanted to see you suffer. I know you would feel so bad if your mom gets sick. That is why I tried to care about her too. Inbetween I began to care about her like my mom. I loved her too. I never wanted to see you feel and live bad. Once I cried remembering your mother's care. she did everything she could to make your life better. Take care of her too Baba
 Ooh god again My eyes are wet. Take care sweetheart. 

27th May 2019

I will live this little life remembering you Baba. I miss you so much. My head and the heart is in a constant desput because of you. I felt the pain you qent through Baba. Im not that cruel to foeget it and let it go. I thought a bout you a lot. I felt and even now im feeling the pain. I would be thankful and grateful to you for giving me love. I lived in your love. I lived a lifetime within that little period of time. I miss you Baba. I love you. Please stay safe. 

26th May 2019.

Is the life wiout love is worthy Baba? I feel missing your love. You will say that I dont deserve your love. I will not blame. Its my turn to take the pains. Baba I will take this till the end of my life. Im designed and summoned to suffer. People say everything happened to good. I dont believe that. I left you because of my bad luck(yea O was a devil and a jerk too. Blame me I will not get angry with you) since that day I suffered physically and mentally. I dont think think this would last long. Anyway I have to take my pains till the end of this life. Please remember that I loved you always. I will love always. I had no intentions to hurt you sweetheart. How come I hurt the person I love the most? Say no. Blame me. My heart only knows the amount of love I have for you. I will keep all the love for you. Yesterday way a saturday. Saturdays were beautiful. I wish I could go back in time and see you in colombo. That smile on your face made my day. I miss you Baba. 

25th May 2nd letter

Hard to find happiness. And hard to fine love too. Im a one  kicked his love out from tge life. Now I feel how much do I love you. Now I feel how much do I miss you. Now I feel the amount of pain you you took that day when I walk away. Now I feel the value of loving and being loved. I miss you. Im totally a crap Baba. But please remember that I love you. I will keep my love forever. I wish we could take that trip to Jungle Beach, Sembuwatta or Landy. I wish we could Baba. Baba please dont misunderstand, im living in you. My heart is beating inside you. My life is running because of you. You are a force which keeps me functioning. I miss you Baba. 

4.55am

Just woke up with the alarm. Im not writing this just. But thought better to keep a post around 5.00am. Remember how you sent a good morning message Baba? Well yet my phone's alarm rings around 4.55am. I miss you Baba. Please understand sweetheart im living in you. You wont see me, because im already forgotten, but Im living inside you. It is tough. It os hard to keep away from the beloved person. I remember you like a wave in the sea. It always come to my mind. Take care Baba

24 May 2019

I will come here and write this everyday baba. Know that im forgotten already. Im not angry. Im sad though. You seffered because you loved me. I should suffer I loved you too. When we have love we don't feel the issues, we dont feel the problems we dont feel aging and we dont feel sorrow. I know you receive love more than ever may be.(anyway I wont stop loving you Baba.) I get the feeling of being forgotten. I have my love. Remember sweetheart that devil, that jerk,that outlaw, and that bad guy loved you throughout his life. Forget everything. Runaway from everything be happy my love. I miss you. I wont hate you. I love you. Take care Baba. 

24 May 2019 (6.35am)

Good morning Baba. I hope you are fine. I get the feeling of being forgotten. What to say? I deserve this pain and this feeling. Im not trying to say all the pain and negative things in each and every post. I have to admit the feelings in me. I have to express the way I feel (im quite sure you felt the same way). I did my best in your birthday(im npt claiming Credit). Yesterday night I thought, that you dont see or feel what I did. You dont see or receive my wishes. Probably you had a good birthday. I dont want to describe here Baba. I dont want to say things about it. Sweetheart I know you have good reasons to forget me. Well you will I know. Im kind of a jerk I know. I love you though. I know you cant wait for everything. You have to proceed in life. Im not blaming you for that. I know my wishes weren't felt or thrown away. I wont stop though. Remember I was a stone, I was bad and I was notorious because I couldn't drag you throughout this hell. Im sorry Baba. I miss you. My head and heart (I have a heart. I wish I was born without one) singing your name. Please take care. I miss you. I love you forever. 

23 May 2019

Starting to write this post around 6.40am Baba. I woke up around 4.55am as usual. Now I dont get a good morning message like before. I miss that time Baba. I miss whole of it. I know you have left the memories. May be im beyond forgotten. I know Im not that important part in your life Baba(but remember you are the thing keep me running and functioning baba). I might be forgotten but I have no intention to forget you. I will miss you forever. Please stay safe sweetheart. I see you in my dreams (you will blame me, and ask "whats the meaning of beaing in a dream, when you could not keep me and my heart on your hands"? True Baba. May be I wasn't that lucky). Please remember I loved you always. I dont know Baba. Remembering things and my eyes getting wet. I remembered your mom also recently. Keep her safe Baba. Take her to the clinics. Dont forget! you have to meet the cardiologist once/ once in 1 1/2 years. I wish I could tell all these to you (now I cant. Definitely I will not disturb you Baba. I cant give more tears to those beautiful eyes). I Remember the time and dates. Anyway my heart wishes her good health. I love her too. She is good (once made me to cry. She loves you that much) stay safe sweet. 

22 May 2019. At 5.00pm.(Probably you are reaching/closer to home)

You are closer to home now. I was thinking about that time Baba. I was waiting to listen to your voice desperately. If I couldn't listen to you, I went mad. I was crazy. I miss you Baba. I love you. Remembered the day when you visited the plant nursery near to your home. I was looking at you from a distance. I was in myvehicle. You were that beautiful Baba.(you are always beautiful to me.) I miss you Baba. I was looking at you, my heart was so heavy. I was happy and I was sad. Im a cruel person Baba. Im in pain sweetheart. The same pain you took (you took ot by the name of love. You took that pain because you loved me. I never forget that Baba. Im so humble and lucky to receive your love. And being loved). I love you Baba. Time will pass. You will take another hand (im the one responsible for loosening you. But I love you.) You will raise kids. I will be a distant star like thing(No one will notice). Even you will not remember me. I will suffer enough within this misery. I promise you that I will keep my love for you forever. Take care Baba. 

22nd of May 6.41am

Baba the time is 6.36am. You are on your walk to the bus. Im trapped within endless thoughts about you. Its okay to he trapped here. Because this is the last beautiful thing I have. I have to live within these memories. Im walking throughout everlasting memories of our beautiful time.(i made that time a hell. Baba please understand some times I blamed you only because I wanted to do good to you. Because I love you. I know sweetheart that this is the way it goes. Im being forgotten). You have to catchup a new and a better life(im the worse thing happened to you isn't it? Am I?. Please someday If you could, think and try to understand that I loved you. No matter how cruel I was, I have love for you. Is loving a crime? I will love you forever. Hmm exactly thos point 6.40am. Your bus is coming Baba. You are getting in. Trying to find a comfortable seat. I miss you Baba. Will write again. 

21 of May

Writing this to you just before your tea break. Time is 3.10pm. I know now someone else might call you at the same time. You might get chatter at our old timetable with him. I feels being loneliest. I feel like im being rejected (aren't these the same feeling you had, when I walked away? The same pain and the same feeling you took is with me now. I deserve this 100%.) Dont think that I have forgotten you baba. I never will.(I won't disturb you ever again. I will keep my promise). I will never forget you. I will never stop loving you. I love you. I loved you Baba. I will love forever. Punish me to the maximum. Please remember my mind/heart (polluted, evil, dark, stony, unforgivable heart) always had love for you. I feel the pain of separation. I feel being a lone. I feel the pain of my love. I will miss you forever. I wish someday if you get to know, you will visit to see me for a one last time. Thats my final chance probably. If you think I had love, if you think I love you please make that final visit that day. I will be gone heartbroken(I promise you Baba. Im heartbroken. Im broken too. I smile but I have no feelings now. I hurt you and everyone around me. You are always will be in my heart.) Take care Baba. Will write again. 

20th May second post.

I miss you Baba. I will never be angry or jealous about whatever the path you take regarding future life. I will feel a lot sad. But isnt this my fault? Exactly my faults. Pain is anyway universal. I know the pain you went through. You took the same pain too. Whatever the cause doesn't matter, feeling of pain is the same. I wish you everything good baba. Sweetheart Please remember! I loved you whole my life. I didnt stop. Im wrong. Im evil. Im cruel. I agree. I agree Baba. I am. Im wrong top to bottom. Please understand Baba I had love for you. I love you. I will love you forever. I miss you Baba. I will remain forever heartbroken Baba. Miss you. Take care. Be safe!( saw you went away from Viber. Or you blocked me. Accepted humbly Baba. Hit me with everything you Have. I never hate you. Above all Baba I wont disturb/ruin your life. You are my precious. Im okay Baba. Love u) 

Birthday--5th post. On 20th of May

(I think you are working today. Or may be you are at home because 20th is a bank holiday. May be you are sleeping yet.) Wrote the 4th post just after the little donation event. Gave some food to the poor people. I wish you live long Baba. Please live. Im remembering you same time I know you are forgetting me. I miss you forever. So painful but I have to accept this. I cant close the doors of my heart when sorrow comes(acceptance). I kind of reserve to be in pain sweetheart. Im happy Baba because yet I can celebrate a your birthday though we are far and apart. Im happy because yet no one can stop me loving you. No-one can stop me celebrating your birthday silently. I was walking through our memories yesterday. Felt happy and felt sad remembering those things. I know you have found better reason to forget me. I know you have found love again. I know baba both the reason and love valuable to you better than me(thats why you are forgetting me). Im not angry though im in pain. I will live with the pain forever. I never feel/felt jealous for you.(remember I love to see you smiling) I wish you love. I keep all my love to you. May be you are the most loved one in the whole human history. Dont say "you don't have a right to celebrate my birthday". Dont say "you cant love me". I can baba. I do always. I know you are taking crucial decisions this year. I kind of felt that too. You once said 2019 and things (oohh god my eyes are wet again). I just trying to express my feelings Baba. I wish you the best. I miss you. I love you. (I will remain forever heartbroken. But thats totally okay. I deserve this and I want to live this short period this way). I will find you someday Baba. I will keep my promises. Please be safe. Please be healthy. I wish you good health and a long life. Take care Baba. 

Birthday-4th Post

Did it. And just came home Baba. May you live long. May all my good deeds stand behalf of you. May you live long.  May you be happy. I miss you. Love you Baba. 

Birthday-3rd post

I did something good on your behalf. Tonight a donation will be done to the poor. I will wish your wellbeing baba. I wish you a long life Baba. Take my life also and live long. My eyes were wet for few times today. I remembered you. I know im nothing more than a dust in the wind. Its okay Baba you have the right to forget me. I never hate you for forgetting me. I was a stone. I hirt you. I deserve this. How can I hate you Baba? I cant stop loving you. Someday I wish you will feel that, I loved you throughout my little journey of life. I wish you the best. I love you always. I wish you love too. I miss you. 

Birthday- 2nd post.

Baba please understand. I I didnt write you on your birthday. I didnt call you on your birthday. But my ueart is with you. I know you have found someone better than me. I know sweetheart im the worse thing happened to you. Im sorry. I felt love baba. I love you forever. I will remain forever heartbroken. Miss you. Please dont think that I didnt try to reach you and say "happy birtuday" because of my pride and my arrogance. Take care sweet. I wish you all the happiness.(baba I tried my best to pass a small greeting message. I did nothing morethan that. I never wanted to see you crying, that is exactly why I dont want to come forward and greet you. I wanted to see you smiling always. I enjoyed when you smile. I tried to send a small greeting. Im quite sure that you will not get it. You will not see it. Im sure you will not see my messages also. I will keep all my pains within me Baba. Im the devil who hurt you. Love you and I miss you)

Happy birthday

Happy birthday to my sweet heart. I miss you Baba. I wish of I could come and hug you. We could walk together. Smile or laugh a lot. I don't have to right and the privilege to enjoy your birthday with you. My heart is with you Baba. I was cruel to you. But please remember Baba, I did love you a lot. I still love you. I will love you forever. People like me are being called devils. But noone can say that Im a person who doesn't possess love. I have love within me. Its for you. Forever it will be for you. I have planned few charity today. I wish everything best and good for you Baba. I wanted to see you happy. I will always be waiting to see your smile. I miss you like im mad. May you live long sweetheart! May you find happiness! May you be healthy(please stay healthy baba. I lost my mind when you hospitalized). May your parents be healthy too!. I love you and I miss you. Happy birthday sweetheart. 

18thMay. Prior to your special day.

I hurt you like I was a stone. Now my turn to suffer I guess. I want to suffer. I remember you a lot Baba. Tomorrow.. what about tomorrow? I wish I could hug you baba. I wish I could travel here and there in colombo, eat together, joke each other, smile together and feel your fragrance. I will not be able. I will not be able to celebrate it with you. I dont have the right for such thing. Anyway Baba please remember I still remember your special day. I wish I could come. I wish I could meet you. I know sweetheart I dont have the right now. I dont deserve such a chance. I know all the facts. I love you forever Baba. Please take care your self sweetheart. 

16th of May 2nd letter.

I think you are closer to home now Baba. I remember. I Miss you sweetheart. I never wanted to hurt you. I never intended to hirt you love. I just wanted to love. Baba is living wrong? Loving you was wrong Baba? I dont know O felt you. I felt your love. I miss you a lot. Writing you today for the second time. Take care Baba

16th of May

Im sure you are travelling to work while im writing this. I remember you each and every night Baba. I remember you in each and every minute. I see you in my dreams. I know you have better reasons not to think about be. You have better reasons to forget me. You have good reasons to keep away from me. (I never would disturb you baba. I never would hurt you baba. Not again. I moss you though). Im remembering all our good memories this morning. And same time I wish and pray for your safety. I know you will take a decision soon regarding your future. I wish your success baba. Im the one brutally kicked your love out(I never really wanted to do so. Im a devil and im evil. I think im a person who is incapable of keeping relationships.) I have to say Baba I love you a lot Baba. I miss you too. Take care. 

14th of May

You are at home for sure. May be with mother, doing some shopping. I remember those days. Am I forgotten totally Baba? I miss you a lot. This May is totally dark. I will miss you a lot. I dont have to say why. I will remember our memories Baba. Those are the precious to me. Remember please! I loved you a lot. And I still do. I will love you forever Baba. I will live forever heartbroken. I will be prisoner in my conscience. I will be a guilty person in my own court of consciousness. I will keep my heart for you forever. I know our love story probably the most painful one. May be the most selfish one. Our love story may be one of the strangest. Our love story may be the one which an angel loved to a demon. I miss you Baba. Anyway you are my queen in our love story. I will keep you in my heart forever. Take care. Please be safe. 

13th of May

Baba please stay away from issues. Time isnt good. Everywhere problems. I dont want to see you in trouble sweetheart. I miss you always. Yesterday I couldn't write at night because I had a serious headache. Dont know why. I remember the headaches I had while I was working 72 hour shifts because I wanted to see you. Remember baba I was working 72 hours continuously and worked in the morning also then rushed to colombo to see you. I had serious headaches those days. I see them as a taste now. That was our lives Baba. I miss those moment. I would welcome those hard times. I was taking paracetamol and some pain meds like I was an addict. Anyway I loved those moments. I love those times. Take care Baba. 

11th of May

Remembered the day you were hospitalized Baba. I never was that stressed in my life. I know this stories already have no sense or a meaning to you. But I remembered that day today. I dont know why. Sure I was frightened like a mise when I heard that you got ill. You got Dengue. I tried to calm you down. Same time I was burning in pain. I cant see you in pain Baba (dont think I was so happy after giving you all these pains. Im burning within. My heart aches. I miss you) I couldn't help waiting at home while you are ill in Colombo. I rushed to see you. I was bit okay after I see you on your bed. Just wrote all these because I remembered. Remember all the things happed those days? I remember Baba. I remember how I cried in my vehicle. I couldn't take it anymore. Anyway time passed. Please sweetheart remember I miss you a lot. If I didn't miss you I wasn't writing here remembering you. But i miss you so badly.  Take care. 

10th May

I know this time of tge year is so fresh. How we were walking down in the street Baba. Remember the beautiful memories. I still remember. I know Baba im being forgotten. I know you see no value in me. I see no value in me without you too. I never blame you for forgetting me Baba. Im experiencing the pain. Probably the same pain you went through. I miss you a lot. Remember please whoever the devil was I doesn't matter, I loved you a lot. I will love forever. I will keep you inside me forever. Please be safe Baba. I miss you. 

8th May.

While im writing this little post you are travelling to the office in your office shuttle. I remembere the time when you reach the bus stop by 6.40am. I remember how you get on to the bus while talking. I remember all the hard moments we had. I remember you. I remember our love. I miss those times. I miss you Baba. I saw you yesterday in a dream. I remember that. I cant recall all my dreams but this one specifically I remember. Wiriting this early because I wan you to be safe Baba. Yesterday night just after that dream I was kind Of praying Baba. Please promise me to be safe. Keep my promise to be safe always. Im so sure I see you a lot in my dreams. I always see you there. Time we are passing isnt so good Baba. Be safe in roads. I hope your parents are also doing fine. Take your mother to the doctor ontime. I remember her too. I miss you Baba. Please be safe. 

6th of May

What is the meaning of love Baba it it cannot be expressed? I felt the same Baba. I loved you and I still do. I wish I dont get dementia ever Baba. I dont want to forget you. I never will. Time is passing like an express. I know soon you would take a path and forget the last possible memories about me. I dont have a right to remain in your memories, I kniw that. How can I forget you Baba? How come I forget you? How can I forget the beautiful voice? How can I forget the love I had? I cant forget all the good memories we had. I will keep you inside my soul Baba. I will forever live inside you. Writing this just before your tea break. I still remember the time table we had. If you read this someday Baba, please remember! I kept my love for you always. 

5 May

I remembered you like im mad. Always you are in my mind. I helped a person/child today. I remembered you Baba. Remembered how we were offering food to people. Remembered how we bought water bottles as donation. My you live long sweetheart. I miss you Baba. 

May 4th

Remembered you Baba. I hope you are just arrived at home. Probably you are eating your evening snack. Mother also probably on her way home. Nice evening. I want to hold ypur hand an watch a sunset. My hear is heavy Baba. I wish we could enjoy that view together. I will wait. Someday I will. I will find you somehow. Remember those evenings? I miss you Baba. I know I kicked the love out from my life. You were crying. I was a stone. I have to suffer. I know. I love you forever Baba. Take care. 

May 3rd

Hope you are fine Baba. We Month may. We have many memories. All your good  memories are with me Baba. I will not forget any of them. I will not forget a bit of those beautiful memories. I wish if I could hold your hand and forget everything and walk in love. Hart full of joy and happiness with you. I wish you everything good Baba. I remember you always. Im not good. And I have no good inside of me. I have love too. I have my heart for you. I will miss you forever. Years passed. Yet im writing here. I have no plans to stop loving you. What to plan? I cannot help loving you. I will always keep my heart for you. I lived a strange life without you. A person kicked the love out from his life. So strange. So cruel. Sure no one to forgive. Take care Baba. I miss you..

May 2nd

You are on your way home when I write this I guess. I remembered you around 4pm Baba. You usually came out from tue work place around 4.06pm. I was desperately waiting to see you. Like I was mad. Yes I was mad. I loved you Baba. And I love you. Am I wrong? Was it wrong to love you? Baba how come I love you without telling it to you? How could I have expressed my love Baba? May be was wrong. I think I was wrong too. Yet I think and feel the vitality of loving you. All I wanted to love you. Please sweetheart understand I never intended to hurt you. I miss you like im missing a vital part within me. I feels an emptiness. I remember your voice and smiles. I remember our talks and chats. I remember the sweetness of your hair. Its okay you can blame me. I deserve. Take care Baba. Please be safe. Hope momma is fine too. C u

May 1st

Hope you are doing fine Baba. I miss you like im crazy. I was thinking about our pre planned trip. Remember it? Im sure you cant recall. Im not insulting Baby. You have the right to forget. I dont blame on it. I have all those memories with in me. Your precious memories kept in me forever Baba. I hope you have nothing to recall about me. What good to recall about me. I was an evil person for you. Remember how we went shopping in MC? Wow. Those memories. My eyes getting wet. So i will try to intrude your dreams Baba. Dont worry I won't come forward in your dreams. I will be looking at you from a distance. I will keep my love. I miss you.