Sunday.

Had no internet sorry. Anyway your song kept playing in my mind and head. My soul singing your name. My soul living within you. Probably you wont notice it. Im living in you Baba. I wish I could take you shopping. Remember the 2017? The new year times? I remem everything. I really wish those joyful days. How we were walking those crowded colombo roads with holding the hands together. I want to see you smiling. I wish your smile always. I know you have no time to think about me already. That wont stop me thinking of you anyway. What I really want to tell you is the pain within me is not an issue. But the distance (not only the physical measurable distance but mentally and spiritually) hurting my soul a lot. Dont worry I know I deserve this. I deserve pain. I deserve all of it. Im not blaming it on you baba. You did everything to reduce your pain. I accept it and I forgave long ago. I forgave you in all the issues. I tried to find reason to love. You are the love . You are the best reason to love. There is norhing which I cant forgive you. And there were nothing Which I couldn't forgive you. I miss you anyway. I will be trapped with in this heartbroken state forever. A better punishment. I will keep my love for you. Please take care. My pains are also real. 

New year preparations-4

Writing for the second time because I miss you that much. My heart and head singing and shouting your name. I wish if I could see or hear you. I remembered those days when I take you to the 120 Bus. And we say good bye. Going home with a heavy heart. I jist wanted you to know Baba, that cruel person had some kind of love to you. Its very unusual (may be he is that much messed up). I love you. And I will. Take care Baba. Hope you are alrady on the bed. Ready to sleep. I remembered you. Its 29th of March. Tc

New year preparations-3

I had the feelimg of loosing connection. Like a sudden disturbance in a conversation. Felt like a sudden silence in everything. I know, that you are going away. I have to bare this. I have to take this pain. I deserve this! Im telling to my mind. I wish you everything good Baba. Probably im the worse thing happened to you. My way is totally wrong, I know. And It was totally wrong. I have to say this anyway, I love you Baba. I will miss you forever. I hope you might remember the last few promises you made. I don't urge you. But please keep in mind(a distance place). I know Im not a good reason to you. I know I have no validity anymore. Anyway remember I miss you a lot. I lived this short life with heart full of love to you. Take care Baba

New year preparations -2

Im having the feeling that, you are getting away and away from me. Its too hard to keep the pain inside, but I do. I feel the way and the process of being forgotten. Nothing is easy. I promise you Baba I will think of you forever. I will find you somehow. I miss you. I dont want to hurt you. And I never intended to hurt you. I miss you too. I remember you always. I remembered you always. I know you forgot me to reduce your pain. I will never blame for that. I always have my love for you. I miss you. My head keeps singing your name always. My heart is singing your name always. Please take care. 

New Year preparations.

Baba hope you are doing shopping these days. How woud it be, if you and I could go on shopping. And buy gifts for everyone. I know feel that would be fantastic. You would tire me by asking how those fit on look to you. Beautiful? Beautiful? You were always beautiful to me Baba. I have no words to describe that beauty. I never want to show you im rich or im privileged(im not. I have my heart only). I just wanted to see the one I love smiling. Smiling like a little girl. Busy period surely. I really remember the time when we were walking holding the hands. We lived a life. I lived my whole life with in that little period. I never wanted to hurt you Baba. I have to go through a new year far away from you. An average healthy person celebrates 70 new years. I dont want 70. I celebrated all of it in our first new year. I will miss you Baba. I will be here living within you. I will live in your memories. I will live forever heartbroken. Take care. 

Missing you-2

You are surely busy these days. New year is closer. I have to go through a new year without you. Few years back closer to new year, we were like two birds. Smiling, joking, and travelling. We were walking holding the hands of each other. We were shopping. May be you are already doing that alone. Or may he you have a reason not to be alone. I have no anger. I have no jealousy. I have my pain. Like you did. I deserve the pain. I will take this pain. I have my broken soul. What we would do if we were together Baba? Shopping, eating together, joking. Many more. I miss you. My head is singing your name within. Im living in the past. Im keeping all your beautiful memory and feelings. I miss you. I know you are too busy. I wish If I could get busier with you. Please take care Baba. 

Missing you.

Got up at 5 Am. Actually few minutes prior to 5 am. Hope sometimes you felt something. And I just wished If could receive a good morning message like in the past. I live in a time which forgotten by the world. I live in the time which you have forgotten. (reasonable or not im living there) please dont think Baba, that I never felt your Pain. I felt that. Im a cruel heartless person, I agree, but im not the worst in the category. I felt your pain. I remember you always. I came to the places where you were and to the places closer to you. I never let you to know. I will look at you Baba. I never disturbed you. Simply never wanted to hurt you further. I cant let you Cry anymore. I know how hard was it for you. I messed up everything. Please remember I never intended to hurt you. I just want to love you. And I will love forever.  Please take care Baba. My heart aches sometimes. I wish everything is fine with you. I will miss you forever.

March 25

I wish I could come and see you. Well I came very closer. But never disturbed. I will never let a single tear to comeout your eyes because of me. I think, I have given enough tears to you. I have given you enough pains. Your eyes were always wet with me. They were always sad with me. You cried a lot because I was a cruel person. I was that bad. I was a heartless person to you I guess. Between all those nagative points of me, I have to say this Baba. I loved you. And I will,. I will love forever. I see you when I close my eyes. I remember you always. Like a song singing within my heart and head. Blame me, shout That im cruel and I didn't love you. Only im the person who know the love and pain within me. I know you have better and valuable reasons to forget me and move on. I will miss you. I will remain heartbroken forever  (I swear). Im in pain. I should be in pain. Take care Baba

Time issue

Tomorrow starts another week Baba. I dont know why, but I really have a serious feeling about time. One day you will leave all the memories behind. You will find your happiness. I know that day will come. Probably this year. I think you predicted it. I wish I could take you to your workplace in a morning. Something I couldn't you for you. Someday when you take the hand of someone's remnants of my broken heart will burst in to pieces. I will be ready to take that pain. I gave you the same pain. So why not, it can comes to me anytime. I will be forgotten forever. I have to say this,  my heart love you forever. It loved you as much as it could and It will. I made serious errors but still I love you. I know I have no right claim love. I was that cruel. I know how bad I was. I know how bad am I. And same way Im the only one who know how much I love you. Im the only one who know how much did I love you. And I will keep that love forever. Take care Baba. 

2nd post of the day

මේක ලියන්නේ ඔයා රාත්‍රී ආහාරය ගන්න ගිහින් ඉන්න වෙලාවක. මට ඉතින් ඔයාව නිතර-
මතක් වෙනවා කියන එක කට පුරාම හැම වෙලාවේම කියන්න පුළුවන්. එත් මාව ඔයාට-
මතක් වෙනවද? නොවුනට තරහක් නැහැ. මම දන්නවා වේදනාවක් මතක් කර කර හිත පාරගන්න ඔයා කැමති නැහැ කියල.
මම දන්නවා ඒ විතරක් නෙවේ මට දැනුන මම ඔයාගේ මතකයෙන් අයින් වෙලා යන හැටි. මට ගොඩක් දුකයි බබා.
මම ඔයාව ඉතින් මුළු ජීවිතේම මගේ ඇතුලේ තියාගන්නම්. මට මේ ලෝකේ හමු උන හොඳම කෙනා ඔයා බබා.
මේක කිව්වම ඔයා කියයි තමුසෙට කීදෙනෙක් හමු උනාද කියල. හමු උනා ගොඩක් නැහැ. හැමදෙනා ගැනම ඔයා දන්නවා.
හිත නතර උනේ ඔයාගේ ළඟ. මම වැරදියි කියල ආයෙත් අහන්න දෙයක් නැහැ. වැරදි තමා. එත් මම ඔයාට ආදරේ කලා.
හැමදාටම ආදරේ කරනවා. මගේ හිතේ ආත්මාර්ථය, කුහක කම නම් තිබුනේ මට ඔයාව මෙහෙම මතක් වෙයිද? මම ඔයාගැන-
මෙපමණ හිතයිද?
මේ ජිවිතේ ලස්සනම දෙයක් උනානම් මට ඒ ඔයාම තමයි. මම දන්නේ නැහැ බබා මට උදේ ඉඳල හවස නින්දට යනකන්ම මතක් වෙනවා.
බනින්න බොරු කාරයා කියල. මම දන්නවා ඔයා දැන් හිතත් ගල් කරගෙන ඇත්තේ කියල. මමත් ඔයාට ගලක් වගේ හිටිය. මට මතකයි.
මගේ හොඳ දෙයක් තිබුනෙම නැතිද බබා?
අද දවසට ලියන දෙවැනි වතාව. මම ඔයාව හිතේ තියාගෙන ඉන්නම් ජිවිතේ පුරාම බබා. මගේ හිතේ ආදරේ ඔයා වෙනුවෙන් හැමදාම තිබුන කියල මතකයට ගන්න. මම දන්නේ නැහැ කවද කුමන විදියට දේවල් සිද්ද වෙයිද කියල.

Another firday.

Many new movies are coming. I we could sit together and eatch one. I remembered that past. Today a friday. Remember the long walks at water's edge? Remember we bought water bottles donated to charity? I wish I could take you to Sembuwatta, jungle beach and Kandy. Im in pain Baba. Same pain I gave to you. I have to take the same level of pain. Im not angry with you Baba. How can I be? You did nothing wrong. I was the bad and the selfish one. I just want to love you and to feel the love from you in return. How faster was I travelling to take you ontime from the work place? Everything like it happened just a day before. I miss you Baba. I have lost my mind. I felt your pain. Now im taking the same pain. I know if you saw my pain you would be sad too. I know you had love for me. At least then. I dont know about today. But I think you would be at least kind to me. I love and loved you. I loved you not to take advantages baba. I love you not not to take advantage. Loved you because I love you. Because I felt love. Now I cant see you. Now I cant hear you. Not seeing you gives me a pain. Living without you like a torture. I know sweetheart, I deserve this pain. I will take this pain. I wish I could see you. I know I dont have the privilege. I know I dont have that right. Please take care Baba. 

Forever heart broken 2

Well I think and I feel you are moving on. Im in pain. I cant move forward or backward like it is a stalemate for me like in Chess. I cant understand how to make my mind. I know you went through the same grief. I miss you Baba. And I will always be. May be you have totally lost me inside you. But I promise I will try to live inside you, and I will. I have your memory living inside of me. I will always have a part living inside you. Thats one of the things keeps me functioning. I love you Baba. I will miss you. Trust me, I live and I will live heartbroken forever. I kind of deserve this too. I know and its okay to live this way. Some deserve pains. Take care. Did some charity. May the good results grows by your name. May you live long Baba. Tc

Forever in pain

I think I have passed the line far beyond, because of that im not even a memory. I wish I could run toward you and hug you. I wish if I could hold your hand and take a long walk with you. I will miss you a lot Baba. You will not trust and I dont urge you to trust too, but I will remain heart broken forever. I know you went through the same pain. I still remember the parent's meetup you planned for us. You wanted to take it in a hotel with a lunch. I will keep these things forever in my head. Im forgotten but im easily keeping the memories about you. Those are the best memories. But I have to take the pain also. I deserve that pain. You are a person who loved a cruel person like me. I hurt you. I still remember you said crying "you are hurting me", My soul burned in fire that day. I stayed like I was a rock. Im sorry Baba. I will keep my love for you. Remember that, I always kept you inside me, I kept all memories of you inside me, and I kept all the love for you inside me. I miss you Baba. Im in pain. forever. Im doing few other charity today(today poya). And may that be a dedication to you and your family baba. May the good results of those deeds follow you. May you all live long. I wish you everything good Baba.Take care.

In pain

How are you Baba? I think you are busy thesedays. May he the ones with you have a better future. I was so fake isnt it Baba? I was fake? I think so. May be you are busy shopping thesedays. Im trying to convince my self and give vetter reasons to my heart.(i have to go through the new year time without you. With my memories only) i dont have to repeat Baba I remember you a lot. I wish we could go for some shopping, watch a movies, may he go on a trip as we planned. Remember the trip plans? I know Baba im becoming less and less important to you.(may be im not in your memories now). Things sounds not good. I know you have to take a better path soon. I know im the one who is wrong, im the one who is cruel, and I will remain forever in pain.(im not telling you haven't been through the pain. I know the pains you felt Bana). I will remain forever heart broken. I will not show anyone my wounds. I will keep all my memories of you Baba. I wish if you could beside me to memorize them together. Im in pain Baba. Take care your self. 

Monday

Remembered you today early morning. Exactly at 5am.
Then again right at 6.40am right before you get in to the bus. Then again 7.30am the tine you reach the workplace usually. I miss you Baba. Remember if this time period few years back? Were walkig together holding our hands. We were shopping, eating in different Cafes. I was resting my head on your shoulder. You did the same. Our first kiss. I miss you Baba. I know im the most difficult one to tolerate. I was mad at you sometimes because I love you that much. For those fights I had no other reason than the love. Sometimes I still do things behalf your name Baba. Thats the only way I could reach you now. Because I cant see you or listen to you. I wish the results of good deeds to you. I believe in the good results of them. May you be healthy Baba! May your parents be healthy! Take care your parents. Remember your mother also. She was nice. Take care of her. Take care your self Baba. Rainy season starts. I really wish your safety. Dont expise to mosquito bites. Will write again. 

A sunday.

How are you Baba? Remembered today, the way we were cycling around. One of the best days. Remember were sitting on the floor in the temple park. Then we walked. We ate Ice cream I remember. I miss that time Baba. I lived and yet im living those memories. Remembered when we were talking smiling. Even that day we were talking. Then you cried. I was the cruel one who gave you the tears. Im sorry for that. I know im bad. Yet at the end of that day I tried my best to see a smile in your face. That little innocent smile made my mind happier. Finally we were smiling that day. I wanted to see you smile. I always want to see that. I miss you Baba. Even I was so upset after accompanying you to the bus (remember near the race course in saturday evenings?)  I was like heart broken there. I was waited there for few minutes and went home. How come I let you go Baba? I hope you are fine. Its the sunday. In Earlier days, sunday I was leaving for work. That was so hard for both of us. Fights broke out even on the way. I was mad. I was sad. I loved you. And I love you forever. Take care Baba. 

Weekends

Went through our memory lanes today. Places where we were walking in weekends. Remembered everything. Not the exact paths but I was closer. And the memories made my eyes wet. Memories floded. I remembered you Baba. As always. I will remember and memorize you forever. You asked your self and me once "why we didnt meet earlier? Why we couldn't meet earlier?". That question will remain forever. And I always think also why we couldn't. I dont know Baba. But may be we are far this time. I don't want to loose the hope and will. I will keep my love and trust. I know I have totally ruined my image inside you. Im sorry Baba. I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to make you upset. I just wanted to love you. Not just love. I wanted your love too. I felt it. I felt your love. It was the best thing I had. Thats the best thing for me for the rest of my life. I will miss you like im mad Baba. Remembered your voice. Im this unlucky Baba. I cant see you and listen to you. Just wanted to you. I went closer to your work place this friday and Saturday. Heart was heavy with feelings, eyes were wet and memories flooded. I miss you. Take care.

March 15

Remember the firt time we tried to meet once. We were on a call. And you told that you were onbtye same root. We didnt meet. But that was the first time we tried it. I know better if I never meet you, you will be happy. I made a mess and put you in a trouble. I miss you like im mad. My head shouts your name. If im the devil, why di I feel this upset? Didnt I ever love you Baba? You never felt my love? Nothing good in me Baba? Nothing positive inside me? Im in pain and im in doubt. Writing this just before you come out for tea. I think im closer enough to feel your. Came that closer. I hope you are fine. Im leaving with a mind full of memories. 

Again.

Baba how are you? Are you fine? I remembered you many times. Like it was a music tape singing your name in my head. If I was such a bad guy, would I remember you this way? I hope no. But I cant forget you. Actually I dont want to forget you. You are the best thing happened in my life. So why should I forget you? I know you have forgotten me a lot. I know the reason. Because you have to reduce your pain. Im in pain too. I dont want to reduce this pain. Telling you why. Because I deserve this pain. Hurting the one who loved me isnt good. I did that. So I have to suffer same way. Im a devil for sure,that I know. I have love too. May be the devil also fell in love with you. You are an angel to me. You are an angel who donate your love to a person like me, who is so cruel. I never forget that good feeling. I will keep my love reserved Baba. I miss you a lot. Please take care. year ago this time was so beautiful. We were walking in streets holding our hands together. All the memories are with me. Im living in them. Take care. Pls. 

Baba I messed you. Hard times. I wish if you were here.

Times are hard. Its 12.00 midnight. Remembered that time we left to sleep with a promise to greet good morning to each other? Hope you remember. Pain with in me excruciating. Like its killing me. Tonight I will try to  meet you in my dreams. Wpuld we walk? Would we talk? I will hold your hands. I will tell you something funny. Will you show me that beautiful smile? I loved that smile and I will. I tried to see it a lot. I miss you Baba.

Daily.

I hope you are fine Baba. I remembered you a lot. I had my some health issues. I couldnt write on time. But I  never forgot you. How come I forget you? Im living within you. I live in your memories. I wish I could live in your heart too. Baba remember the time when you comes to Viharamahadevi Park colombo? Im waiting there or near by. Remember that time? I still remember that beautiful smile in your face when we meet. Im writing to you daily Baba. Because i miss you that much. I know im that bad. But I have my heart for you too. Im not the usual villain Baba. If I was I that Bad I would not live this pain. Im living in pain Baba. Remember when you about to leave home in saturday evenings? You kissed my forehead. After that I had to leave. I left like Im totally broken. It was very difficult to leave you back to my work place. I was waiting there for few minutes. Thinking that you would return. Few minutes later I left for home. Then a day after I left for work. It was so hard and tough to leave. I went mad. I was sad.
I still remember the smell of your hair. I would not be  able to feel it again ever. I would keep that memory forever with me. Loved you, loved that smell and loved that beautiful soul. Im in pain now. I know im the one to blame. Im the one who is wrong. I will live in pain. I will remember you forever. Please take care Baba.

Graduation robe

Baba. How are you? Im guessing that you are fine. I know you are in pain. I felt that. I will not be writing this and I will not be this upset if I couldn't feel you Baba. I miss you day and night. I wish I could see or hear you. I got up as usual around 5am. Remembered you. Remembered the early morning message which I got daily basis. I live with those memories. Im writing this around 10.30am. I know you came out for breakfast by now. Remember that time when you send voice recordings? Some songs. I love that voice Baba. I remember all of it. I remember how I went with you to find a graduation robe for your graduation. Lived that life. Love you then and now. I miss you too. I hope you are fine. Please take care Baba. I never wanted to hurt you sweet. I just wanted to love. If im having only a devil in me, I wont be this upset. I still miss you. I dont want to forget you. Please take care. 

Saturday in pain

I know you what you think about me Baba. I know you have considered me a senseless person. I have to say Im not Baba. Do you think I had no sense and feeling about the pain which I have given to you? I have all the feeling about it. I feel you Baba. I felt each and every feeling you had. That pain I had in me behalf of you Baba. This pain im living is behalf of you Baba. Im living  in you. I know you have kicked out all those feelings.you have thrown all those memories away. I just wanted to see you smiling too. I wanted your happiness too. Im not selfish. But I never got behind in falling in love with you Baba. I know you dont want to remember a distant painful history. Im history Baba. Im living there. I will live there in your memories Baba.  I remembered you. I remembered we had some good memories in the women's day (yesterday). A saturday today, I wish we could hold our hands and walk. Wish we could see a movie. I never walked along those lanes and those places again. (I will not) I cant walk there again. I will not Baba. I remember you a lot. Many memories. Remember the times we went for shopping? That time also closer. New year is closer. So I have to be ready to take another new year with memories. I wish I could hear or see you. Im not that privileged. I know the pain of rejection. I will not loose my love Baba. Kill me, Make me mad, torture me. I will not give up loving you. I will not. Yes im a jerk. Okay thats okay for me. Cant I love you? If im one of the usual jerks I wont be in this pain. They live happier than me. Im dying in pain. I know I deserve this pain. I dont want to feel less pain. I want to feel all of it. I want to take all of this pain. Remember please Baba someday that, I kept all my love to you. Im bad, im cruel, im a jerk, and im a devil. I know this. I loved an angel too. Thats you. Take care. I will miss you. 

March 8. Our memories. Women's day

Someday soon you will take someone's hand. Im not angry or jealous about that. Im just sad Baba. Anyway some other view I should be happy to see your happiness. Im the one who couldn't give you the happiness. I think I will suffer a lot. Sure I do deserve to suffer. Im that cruel person. What I only have inside me, which seems to have a value is love. I will keep that love for you forever. And there will always a place for you in me Baba. Some part of my life is living in you. You may never know. You will never know too. I dont know the future Baba. Definitely that future, I will not be fitted a lot I guess. I have much doubt about my future. If someday things gone so sinister or unexpectedly wrong, remember i just wanted you to be happy. I messed up each and every step in love, but I kept my love saved for you. So please be aware that I had my feelings, love and thoughts for you. Baba I wanted you to know I lived with pain too. I missed you too. Im not opposing your right to forget me. I just wanted you to know that I thought about you a lot too. And I missed you a lot too. Take care

Missing you-2

Writing this around 4.10. We usually begin to talk around 4.06pm. I hope you remember. Probably you just got on to a bus. Now we are far and apart. Im yet remembering everything. May be these things are forgotten from your perspectives. Im not in an anger Baba. Remember how did I go mad when you didn't call me on time? Remember the way I shouted you? Because I love you Baba. Dont think im trying to beg love now. (I will love you always) Hate me its okay. From my side your love was the best thing I had in my life. You offered it to a cruel person like me. You are an angel( you will be an angel to me always) i remember you a lot Baba. Remember how I asked you to get off the bus? Because I love you Baba. Then and now. I wanted to love you Baba. And I will. The only reason to do so was the love I had for you. Baba! would a person without a love in his mind do so? I know im such a bad one. But cant I love? Cant I feel love? Probably you are passing all those places now. I loved you Baba and I will. I know what a beautiful one you were for me. I will live in side you Baba. Please take care. 

Missing you.

Hope you are fine. I was sick. I think I went to the level of dengue like illness this time also. Im recovering. Anyway that freling came to my mind. Like things going to be ended for me soon. Good experience. Planned many things. And you included. I never forgot you. I Remembered you a lot even when I was this state. I live in you Baba. I know soon you have to leave all the good and bad memories behind abd start a new life. I feel this. I feel you. I felt you always. Remember though im a cruel person, I loved and remembered you a lot. I will keep my love saved forever. It will not be ended. Please take care your self Baba.

I miss you.

5th of March

Writing this in a time which im in total disappointment also. I Remembered you a lot Baba. I think while im writing this you are just getting off the bus. Its 5.30pm. I wish I could hear or see you. But im not that lucky. I think I deserve to suffer. Anyway I will not be angry for keeping your distance. Obviously you did the right. Because the one you loved hurt you. Im not arguing or accusing. Nor shouting in pain. But I have pain. Im bearing it. Because I deserve it. I will miss you till the end? But whats the end? I will search you Baba. Hit hardest as you can. I will bare it. And I have to take it. I wont hate you Baba. I have nothing to hate. On the otger hand I will not be able to be hateful to you. Because...........take care Baba. 

A villain

Baba hope you are fine. May be fantastic without me. Im not blaming or insulting Baba. I know how difficult was I to handle. I know im bad too.  I know all of those facts, but I love you and I loved you. I know you have given up everything about me. All the memories and all the promises. I wish and hope that you wouldn't break the last promise we made to each other (indeed if you remember them. Or may be you have already walked a long distance from there) writing this morning also. Last night I remembered you around 12.30am. That was the time we went to sleep usually. We never felt exhausted. I cant see you or I cant hear you. But I always wish if I could. Its better to see than suffering not seen you. I will take all of these things Baba. Because I deserve to suffer. I want to suffer. I was a stone (I acted a stone. I couldnt see you crying anymore). I know soon everything will be forgotten. Forgotten like I never existed. Baba I loved you and I always will. After all I have become the super villain. Cant I love? I think I can. Its okay baba. Please take care. 

Loving you

I cant sleep Baba. Im thinking. I know the time won't stop for me. And definitely you will proceed. Its now my turn to sit and look. Feel the sadness. Sometimes feel alone. You have reasons to be away from me and forget. I wish If we could visit the Jungle beach, I wish if we could visit Sembuwatta, I wish if we could visit the temple closer to you and offer flowers. I will dive in these thoughts tonight. Its sad Baba. You were sad because of me. And now im also. Im sure im broken forever. Im living in you or part of my life living with in you. I know the memories you have already dumped. Its okay Baba. I dont want you to suffer. Im the sadness and im the evil. I love you too. Im the bad person. Im the villain. I still love you. Okay proceed Baba. Im not your enemy. I tried to give you smiles. I know im bad. May be im mad too. Sure im evil. Take care Baba. Loving is wrong? Loving you wrong? Heart aches. 

Holiday. Were you working?

Today a holiday but as I remember you work today. I remembered you Baba. Always. I remembered all the good memories of us. I was mad when someone un officially talks to you. Thats why I was mad such situations. Remember the few problems occurred? Thats because I love you baba. If I hurt you those situations, pardon me. I was trying to love you. And I will. I still remember those words by your soft golden voice, "you are going there to help people. Dont be Upset". Thats the only driving force with me up-to-date Baba. Your words. I remember them always. Same way when I do something good I specifically remember you. Because you have a share in each and everything I do. I wish those good things will bring you something good. I think im the bad thing happened to you. I never intended to hurt you Baba. Please take care.

Sunday morning.

I was somewhat sick Baba. Im sorry. Thats the reason I couldnt write. I was bed bound with a high fever and a headache. I was kind of afraid too. Because I remembered you Baba. Please stay away from harmful areas. Please dont caught again with dengue. I remembered you a lot. I know im not even in your memories. Anyway It cant prevent me from thinking of you. I hope you are fine Baba. I know now you are all away from memories about me. Im not trying to blame. I will try to manage the sorrow. How can I forget you? And why should I forget you. Even im incapable of forgetting those precious memories. Few times a day or many times per day im keep running that memory tape in my mind. I miss you. I know the pain you took Babia. Im in pain too. Are be bound to pain?  I got up at 5am today. Remembered you. Well what if yesterday was a day which we could meet? Thats the best thing happened in me. I hurt you im sorry. Im wasn't planning to hurt you Baba. I had no intentions to hurt. I felt the energy to love you. And I did. I promise I will forever. This morning all those smiles we had in my memories, im celebrating  them. I dont want to forget you. If you see this someday please understand I was in pain too. Im living with pain. If I was the selfish jerk (I am. I know that. But am I totally a jerk?) I wont be this upset about anything this much. I feel sad too. I miss you. I cant see or hear you. Take care Baba. Please be safe.