Wednesday 10 July 2019

11th July 2019 (all of me loves all of you)

I have a smile om my face sometimes but im not happy. Im wearing my mask of smile. I have to say again and again how I remember you sweetheart. You are the only force keeps me running and functioning. I miss you a lot. Everyday I get up around 5.ooam. thats the time you used to send me a "good morning" greeting. Im following the same daily routine since we walked away from each other. (To be more accurate, Since I walked away from you.) I still remember how you wrote to me in your last few messages "Baba you are hurting me". My heart was bursting in to pieces reading that message. I died that day Baba. My heart died that day. I have become a senseless and feeling less person since then. That was a huge trauma to me. Baba how come I see silently, when my most beloved person crying in pain? Im such a bastard, I hide my tears and stayed like a stone. All are my faults Baba. I think you have forgotten all our promises too. Please Baba my last request to you was "live for me". Please Baba didnt mean living for my benefits. Keep your promise please. I want you to live longer. I think I won't have much time. Im totally okay with that. I miss you a lot. And I love you too. Someday If I had to go, you will not remember me. You will not know. This is the only place where I expressed my feelings. I dont know wether you will be able to read or know my feelings. I deserve this pain sweetheart. If you remember me someday, please remember my last breath even sang your name. I miss you. Im breaking in to tears. Ooh god. I loved you and I love you. Take care your self Baba. 

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